Teen only tells us what we want to hear (or what she thinks we want to hear)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're more concerned about the lying than the fact that she can't talk to you and can't confide in you and doesn't want to share information with you.

Wow.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16 year old DD. For example, a lot of times this summer she'd tell us she was going to hang out with friends but she was really going and sitting alone in a coffee shop- too embarrassed to tell us she didn't have plans so she'd go do that and lie about it.

I'm really just concerned that she can lie straight through her teeth without skipping a beat.

OP, maybe she feels like she has to take care of your feelings and that's why she's lying to you. Maybe try to have emotional boundaries with her so she knows that her parents' happiness is not dependent on her having a perfect life.

[Anonymous]

Sound like a lie I would tell as a teen. My mom is an extrovert and I'm an introvert. Here's how those convos would have gone

1. I'm going to Mel's house. / great, text me if you'll be home for dinner

2. I'm going to a coffee shop / Why? Who are you meeting? Are you meeting someone from the internet? Alone? Why? I'll come. I won't bother you. Why can't you read at home? Why are you spending your money on lattes?

Aaaaaaaaand my mom never stops talking or smothering me still and I'm almost 40. In my teens I was an avid distance runner to avoid these discussions with her.

[Anonymous]

I told those kinds of lies as a teen so I could get a little space. If I had plans with others, my mom left me alone. If I said I was going by myself, it was a million questions about why couldn't I get quiet time at home, why didn't I want to be around the family, etc., and then she'd get upset and take it out on me later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this with my parents and still do, actually, when I know they'll tell me for whatever reason that what I'm doing is wrong and why it's wrong. It's easier to lie than to have to listen to them doubting my choices and preferences.

Same here. I turned into a highly-functioning, successful adult, who is not close to her parents. So, if I were you OP, I would not worry about the lying, but about your relationship with your DD.