Severing ties with a parent for good as an adult

[Anonymous]

I cut my mother off for similar reasons 15 years ago. You need to cut it 100%, no FaceTime, no contact, nothing. I did not say anything to my kids, and sadly, they did not really notice.

I viewed it as her loss, not ours, and do not regret it at all

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all for your support and kind words. Locksmith is coming Monday to change the locks, credit is being disputed but it doesn't look too good, alarm code has been changed, and I have blocked her from my phone. My only regret is why I didn't cut her off years ago. I am feeling strong and looking forward to going back to therapy next week. In years past, when there were blow ups with her, I couldn't sleep properly. This time I can just tell it's different, I'm sleeping well, focusing on work properly, and overall just breathing better.

[Anonymous]

* Sending hugs to you * No one should have to go through what you've gone through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all for your support and kind words. Locksmith is coming Monday to change the locks, credit is being disputed but it doesn't look too good, alarm code has been changed, and I have blocked her from my phone. My only regret is why I didn't cut her off years ago. I am feeling strong and looking forward to going back to therapy next week. In years past, when there were blow ups with her, I couldn't sleep properly. This time I can just tell it's different, I'm sleeping well, focusing on work properly, and overall just breathing better.

This means that you are at peace with your decision and that you know it is the best for your family. Best wishes to you and your family. Stay strong because there will be some lashing back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all for your support and kind words. Locksmith is coming Monday to change the locks, credit is being disputed but it doesn't look too good, alarm code has been changed, and I have blocked her from my phone. My only regret is why I didn't cut her off years ago. I am feeling strong and looking forward to going back to therapy next week. In years past, when there were blow ups with her, I couldn't sleep properly. This time I can just tell it's different, I'm sleeping well, focusing on work properly, and overall just breathing better.

Good luck, OP. I've also cut off my mom, for similar reasons.

Why can't you dispute the credit? If you didn't have a part in it, you shouldn't be on the hook. It sounds like she used fraudulent means to get you on the hook.

[Anonymous]

Lots of family cutters on this board.

Don't do it. My sister did and now her kids have done it to her. My mom was horrid at mothering but but a terrific grandma.

Grandkids change attitudes at about school age because they are old enough to pick up on your negative feelings so they choose sides.

Don't deprive your kids of a loving relationship or bring this same curse down on yourself but control your relationship and your credit. Take a break but don't make an irrevocable decision (sounds like your husband is pushing).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of family cutters on this board.

Don't do it. My sister did and now her kids have done it to her. My mom was horrid at mothering but but a terrific grandma.

Grandkids change attitudes at about school age because they are old enough to pick up on your negative feelings so they choose sides.

Don't deprive your kids of a loving relationship or bring this same curse down on yourself but control your relationship and your credit. Take a break but don't make an irrevocable decision (sounds like your husband is pushing).

-1,000,000.
OP please don't listen to this person. Awful advice. Stay strong!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cut my mother off for similar reasons 15 years ago. You need to cut it 100%, no FaceTime, no contact, nothing. I did not say anything to my kids, and sadly, they did not really notice.

I viewed it as her loss, not ours, and do not regret it at all

+1

I did the same, cut my "mother" out of my life. She is certifiably crazy. Would definitely pull something like yours did.

I see it as protecting my family. And if she couldn't care for her own child, there is no way she'd appreciate or love her grandchildren. And I'm not taking any chances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of family cutters on this board.

Don't do it. My sister did and now her kids have done it to her. My mom was horrid at mothering but but a terrific grandma.

Grandkids change attitudes at about school age because they are old enough to pick up on your negative feelings so they choose sides.

Don't deprive your kids of a loving relationship or bring this same curse down on yourself but control your relationship and your credit. Take a break but don't make an irrevocable decision (sounds like your husband is pushing).

Horrible and ridiculous advice. Do not listen to PP. You must protect yourselves and your children from this toxic and unrelenting abuse. Cut ties; try to recoup the financial losses she caused. You've done ALL you can and should feel at peace now. Stay strong and do not give in ever again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of family cutters on this board.

Don't do it. My sister did and now her kids have done it to her. My mom was horrid at mothering but but a terrific grandma.

Grandkids change attitudes at about school age because they are old enough to pick up on your negative feelings so they choose sides.

Don't deprive your kids of a loving relationship or bring this same curse down on yourself but control your relationship and your credit. Take a break but don't make an irrevocable decision (sounds like your husband is pushing).

It's called reaping what you sow. OP and her family will be much better off without this toxicity. I can't even imagine how you can excuse violence in front of kids! You're a nut case!

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm the OP of the other thread about the Borderline Mom. I'm so sorry you've gone through this your entire life and that is has escalated to this. We both deserved better parents and it's not fair that we didn't have that.

I am really impressed with where you are with all of this. You seem centered and calm and at peace. And you seem like a great mom. I hope to be in your shoes one day, as right now I'm up all night with heart palpitations when my mom has an episode. It sounds like your therapy work is paying off, and gives me hope that I can be as strong as you one day.

Ignore PP who discourages your actions. If you don't get it you just don't get it. Moms like ours are a totally different story than regular family drama.

I'm proud of you!

[Anonymous]

I don't have any advice but it sounds like you have tried and tried and tried. Your DH is a saint also for allowing her to live with you. It sucks to have to cut a parent out of your life but when they are this toxic, what else can you do? If your children ask about her, you can always explain in simple terms that are age appropriate. Your therapist can probably suggest the right thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of family cutters on this board.

Don't do it. My sister did and now her kids have done it to her. My mom was horrid at mothering but but a terrific grandma.

Grandkids change attitudes at about school age because they are old enough to pick up on your negative feelings so they choose sides.

Don't deprive your kids of a loving relationship or bring this same curse down on yourself but control your relationship and your credit. Take a break but don't make an irrevocable decision (sounds like your husband is pushing).

Insanely stupid advice. The idea that kids need a relationship with their grandmother is idiotic. I'm constantly amazed when my kids say "I love you" to their grandmother who they see once a year and never remembers their birthdays or basically gives a shit about them. Just because you have blood relatives doesn't mean that you are required to have a relationship with them if they happen to be a toxic person. Cut your mother off and eliminate the drama in your life. It will be better for physical and mental health. Best of luck!!!!