Husband doesn't care that I left

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left because he was mean, controlling, cheated. I asked him for change - he promised and never delivered. I left thinking it would be a wake up call. It's not - he doesn't care. I'm pretty upset. How to handle?

Leaving him because you thought it would teach him a lesson or be a "wake-up" call was the wrong reason to leave. You leave for you, yourself. At least now you have more information and need to take the next step toward permanent separation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left because he was mean, controlling, cheated. I asked him for change - he promised and never delivered. I left thinking it would be a wake up call. It's not - he doesn't care. I'm pretty upset. How to handle?

Leaving him because you thought it would teach him a lesson or be a "wake-up" call was the wrong reason to leave. You leave for you, yourself. At least now you have more information and need to take the next step toward permanent separation.

This!

My XW left me and filed divorce papers within days. We were in the middle of some serious financial stress at the time and was working 2 jobs, hence the impression that I didn't care. Later mutual friends said she wanted me to "come and rescue her on a white horse". Who would F would think that right after filling for divorce. Thank god I wised up.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have kids?

[Anonymous]

Lol ?

[Anonymous]

You have your answer.
Chumplady.com
Good luck. You can do it.

[Anonymous]

OP, your threat, you will leave you unless your husband changes, did not work, even though you actually left. IMO, threats rarely work and make you weaker. You should have left after you have exhausted every avenue, with the intent of not going back. I have no doubt that your husband knows you will come running back, and when you do, you will have even less leverage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Then it was the right decision to leave.

Yep.

Are you really surprised given the way he acted before you left? He just didn't give a f*ck.

[Anonymous]

Looks like he is happy to finally get rid of you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your threat, you will leave you unless your husband changes, did not work, even though you actually left. IMO, threats rarely work and make you weaker. You should have left after you have exhausted every avenue, with the intent of not going back. I have no doubt that your husband knows you will come running back, and when you do, you will have even less leverage.

OP, whatever you do, please please please go with your eyes wide open. If you go back to him now, you will have so much less power and authority over anything you tell him. He will know that no matter what you say to him, you will stay with him because you came running back to him when he called your bluff. Unfortunately, at this point, you have to leave him for good because anything other than that puts you in a much more vulnerable position in the marriage. Think about the fact that he'll be able to cheat on you - if he already does, he'll start doing it openly or carelessly because he knows you'll come back to him.

[Anonymous]

You need to move back into the house and live in a separate room.

Talk to a lawyer.

Men are a dime a dozen, move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like this is really a wake up call for you. Stop wasting your time on him and move on. Stay focused on the future, not the past.

Yes. It should be a wake up call for you that he doesn't deserve you. He deserves to be alone since he isn't willing to put in the work it takes to be married. Find someone who appreciates you for what you are and values you enough to provide you with what you need for a healthy relationship.