Am I alone?

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with acknowledging the scientifically proven fact that men (on average) have a much stronger sex drive. See below. This is especially true in a long term relationship or marriage, after the new-relationship-energy has died down and all that remains is the biological sex drives of a man and a woman. Add in some kids and a house, the female sex drive doesn't stand a chance.

Men, this means YOU must be the one to initiate sex on a regular basis. OP has stopped initiating, that's why he has very little sex. If she's not giving at least 1 "hard NO" per week, then you aren't initiating nearly enough and you have no business complaining about a "low drive" wife. Not really, she has a totally average female sex drive. She's thinking about the laundry and travel soccer schedule, not having wild monkey sex. The basic problem in most of these low-sex marriage threads is the man just does not initiate!!!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cultural-animal/201012/the-reality-the-male-sex-drive
"After months of reading and compiling results, the answer was clear. There is a substantial difference, and men have a much stronger sex drive than women. To be sure, there are some women who have frequent, intense desires for sex, and there are some men who don't, but on average the men want it more. Every marker we could think of pointed to the same conclusion."

[Anonymous]

OP here...thanks for the feedback. I'm no push over but I do want my kids to eat healthy and participate in extra curricular activities and if I don't sign them up and take them it won't happen. Sure, I could be that Alpha guy and go on about my life but I think my kids will be the losers. She was diagnose with anxiety and depression. She has to medicate to sleep. I know this is a big part of the challenge and I should probably seek help for myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people keep saying that women don't want sex as much as men? I read this over and over on this forum, and wonder what is wrong with you people. I'm a woman, and I've always enjoyed sex as much as my husband, and have been the instigator many times. My suggestion is that you get a babysitter, take her out driving on some back roads where she HAS to talk to you, and find out what is wrong. My husband and I have some of our best talks while we're out driving, with no destination in mind. At some point, add some music that touches both of you. Just hold hands and listen. It doesn't hurt to try.

Because it is true. Women do not like or need sex. If the human race depended on women's sex drive we would go extinct. Women are inherently not sexually.

Wrong. Completely wrong. SOME women are not inherently sexual.

[ayoung73]

Don’t get discouraged, there’s help out here and don’t take this the wrong way, your situation is more common than you think! Couples fall into a parenting rut, taking care of their jobs, kids, and other responsibilities and the relationship is the first to be sacrificed. A lot of times, especially me, when I was just done taking care of everyone else and all I wanted to do was go to sleep or be by myself to decompress!

Arrange for a babysitter, get out of the house or have the kids go to the babysitters so you both have the house to yourself. Sit down to a nice meal and hash it out, maybe there’s something going on with her she’s too embarrassed to talk about or it might be as simple as miscommunication! However, you’ll never know until you ask and if it’s done in a safe environment without the kids as a distraction, you might be quite surprised at what you find. This article, http://bit.ly/2gRkCw2, I read something similar, but this one is far more comprehensive and includes other avenues.

It’s tough, I know, but don’t give up, keeping fighting for your family; you’re on the right track!

[Norcalinva]

"She's thinking about the laundry and travel soccer schedule, not having wild monkey sex. " Why?? Simple she is convinced those things are more important than the relationship.


The basic problem in most of these low-sex marriage threads is the man just does not initiate!!! -- Nonsense, absolute garbage. Most of these men not initiating stopped after years of rejection. Do you know what repeated "initiation" after rejections are called? Begging and nothing says attractive like begging.

[Norcalinva]

OP:----"Sure, I could be that Alpha guy " you are an "Alpha guy", you are handling your business and taking care of your family not running away. That alpha nonsense some guys preach is simple child like selfishness. You sound like an alpha guy to me handling things and taking care of his people.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of it is having kids. I am childless (not by choice), in my mid 40's and I still really enjoy sex and want it on average at least 1-3 times a week. My DH and I have been together for over 20 years so it's not like I'm in a new relationship. Most of my female friends with kids have really lost interest in sex and to be honest I'm sure if having children had worked out for us my interest in sex would be much less as well.

[Anonymous]

Norcalinva wrote:"The basic problem in most of these low-sex marriage threads is the man just does not initiate!!!" -- Nonsense, absolute garbage. Most of these men not initiating stopped after years of rejection. Do you know what repeated "initiation" after rejections are called? Begging and nothing says attractive like begging.

Truth. At a certain point, you take the hint.

[Anonymous]

No, you are not alone. Lots of DWs balloon. Lots of DWs blame stress of motherhood, stress of work, stress of SAHM, stress of breathing... Whatever. It is not your fault that she is a selfish and lazy bitch. Please try to celebrate the good in your life, marriage, and family. But you are hereby allowed to pursue your needs outside your marriage, as long as you are discreet and wear protection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When DW has a couple drinks she can get really in the mood and the sex is great, the rest of the time I think she does it to keep me happy.
I am tall in great shape with abs and muscles make good enough money so she can SAH. Plus I do things around the house and with our DC all the time.
Its not "alpha" I just do believe that many women, not all, do become uninterested in sex with their husbands. I have had lots of friends wives flirt with me, while their husbands complain about lack of sex

+1. Im trying everything to get us to have sex more than 1xweek/1x10 days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people keep saying that women don't want sex as much as men? I read this over and over on this forum, and wonder what is wrong with you people. I'm a woman, and I've always enjoyed sex as much as my husband, and have been the instigator many times. My suggestion is that you get a babysitter, take her out driving on some back roads where she HAS to talk to you, and find out what is wrong. My husband and I have some of our best talks while we're out driving, with no destination in mind. At some point, add some music that touches both of you. Just hold hands and listen. It doesn't hurt to try.

Because it is true. Women do not like or need sex. If the human race depended on women's sex drive we would go extinct. Women are inherently not sexually.

No, not true. The problem is that many women who are perceived to have lost interest in sex have actually lost interest in having sex WITH THEIR HUSBAND. In general, men need sex to feel connected, whereas women need to feel connected to have sex. No, this theory isn't undercut by women who have ONS or FWB. It's that the guy she's having a ONS with or a FWB relationship hasn't done anything to piss her off yet. DHs who complain of lack of sex should stop blaming their wives and look at how they can contribute to fixing the relationship. Why else would women have affairs?

+1

[Anonymous]

Norcalinva wrote:"She's thinking about the laundry and travel soccer schedule, not having wild monkey sex. " Why?? Simple she is convinced those things are more important than the relationship.

No, this is just how most women's brains work. Do not take it personally. So long as she's saying YES on a consistent basis, her own sex drive is totally irrelevant.

Norcalinva wrote:The basic problem in most of these low-sex marriage threads is the man just does not initiate!!! -- Nonsense, absolute garbage. Most of these men not initiating stopped after years of rejection. Do you know what repeated "initiation" after rejections are called? Begging and nothing says attractive like begging.

You are describing a different problem entirely. IF the man has been consistently initiating but the woman is constantly rejecting, that's a different issue which has a different solution. In this case, assuming the man has genuinely done a fair job at communicating the importance of sex, pushed her for a resolution, made it clear this is a relationship dealbreaker issue yet she STILL is unwilling to have a normal sex life, the answer is simple: he declares Open Marriage. Problem is solved.