Dating options for a divorced woman with a toddler

[Anonymous]

Men are all different. I'm early 50s with two teenage kids I have half time. I'd be open to a 30 year old woman with kids. I'm open to helping raise someone else's kids, too. But lots of guys aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it better to go for an older guy who is divorced too? I am 29 and I have a toddler. I divorced my husband because he was abusive and we had lots of cultural issues. It's only been a year since we divorced and I'm not sure if I'm ready to try dating again. Anyone advice would be great. Thanks!

You need to slow down. That's my advice. You re 29, divorced, and a mother of a toddler. That tells me you move way to fast in making major life decisions. You get caught up in how thing "feel".

Now it's good that you left an abusive situation, but how much time did you spend really thinking about cultural differences pre marriage vs our love is so strong we can overcome everything? See what I'm saying?

Slow down. Go to counseling. Focus on you and your kid.

Huh? Outside of DC/NYC/San Fran, marrying and having kids in your 20s is the norm. She's a year post divorce and just now interested in dating. That doesn't sound like someone who moves "way too fast".

OP, you should keep your age range open. Men slightly younger to older are good options. There are plenty of divorced military guys AND never married, childless men who would make good partners. I'm 34 with a 7.5 year old and most of the guys I meet looking to settle down fall into the latter category. I would love to meet a guy with an only like myself.

[Anonymous]

PP here. I'll add this...while its not an absolute requirement, staying in shape will help your cause a ton. And being confident and approachable. For every guy who isn't open to a young mom, there's at least one guy who is. You don't need to settle for a guy old enough to be your dad. You're at a prime age to meet someone, so don't sell yourself short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I'll add this...while its not an absolute requirement, staying in shape will help your cause a ton. And being confident and approachable. For every guy who isn't open to a young mom, there's at least one guy who is. You don't need to settle for a guy old enough to be your dad. You're at a prime age to meet someone, so don't sell yourself short.

Op here: I am in great shape. I used all my anger towards my ex to work out postpartum. My ex wasn't into eating healthy or going to the gym. It really bothered me.

[Anonymous]

I had a 2 year old and 5 year old when I divorced. Had a positive experience dating and ended up meeting someone amazing. You'll find all sorts of people in different stages. See what works for you, experiment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a 2 year old and 5 year old when I divorced. Had a positive experience dating and ended up meeting someone amazing. You'll find all sorts of people in different stages. See what works for you, experiment.

This is me exactly. I met him a few weeks ago, so way too early to say (and he will not meet my kids for a long, long time and I will not meet his kid for a long, long time) but I cannot believe the connection and how happy I am. I am 36, he is 39.

Ignore almost every poster on this thread, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:See the chain about whether to disclose you have a child on the first date. Enjoy your child. You will quite literally turn around and your child will be entering high school. next your child will be asking for the car keys and then heading to car keys. Forget about dating. If someone is meant to come to you they will. enjoy your child and good friends. You have so much time to date even after your child is gone. These are precious moments. Don't distract yourself with random strangers and baubles.

No, when you turn around that won't literally have happened.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I'm a carbon copy of you: 29, divorced a little over a year, have a toddler, and truthfully I'm not sure I'm ready to start dating. Or maybe it's more accurate to say that I'm too nervous to try dating again. I've never dated as a single mom before!

I don't really have any advice for you, but wanted you to know that you're not alone and I think it's ok to feel both unsure and ready to put yourself out there at the same time. I don't ascribe to the idea that because our marriages failed, we need to spend the next 18 years celibate and without companionship. Best of luck to you OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it better to go for an older guy who is divorced too? I am 29 and I have a toddler. I divorced my husband because he was abusive and we had lots of cultural issues. It's only been a year since we divorced and I'm not sure if I'm ready to try dating again. Anyone advice would be great. Thanks!

A single mother with a toddler? Divorced for only a year? Previous marriage was abusive?

Sounds like you've got plenty to deal with before you worry about dating. Think about it again in 3 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it better to go for an older guy who is divorced too? I am 29 and I have a toddler. I divorced my husband because he was abusive and we had lots of cultural issues. It's only been a year since we divorced and I'm not sure if I'm ready to try dating again. Anyone advice would be great. Thanks!

A single mother with a toddler? Divorced for only a year? Previous marriage was abusive?

Sounds like you've got plenty to deal with before you worry about dating. Think about it again in 3 years.

Is that what you do? Oh wait if you were actually in that situation of course you wouldn't but it's just so fun to be on our high horse and preach to others.

[Anonymous]

"A single mother with a toddler? Divorced for only a year? Previous marriage was abusive?

Sounds like you've got plenty to deal with before you worry about dating. Think about it again in 3 years."

+1 million. And I'm a divorced mom who actively dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please focus on your child first. Make sure you can take care of you and your child first and foremost.

Friend of mine was widowed around same age as you with 3 yr old. Decided to start dating, met a guy on match.com. Sounded great, good job, came to visit in very expensive fancy cars, looked like he was off the cover of Abercrombie and Finch. Worked for one of the big time companies out there and owned his own home, he too was widowed. Sounds like a match made in heaven right? Wrong! My friend wasn't in a position to take care of herself and her child and this guy was the path of least resistance. She could have gone back to school and gotten a great career and her and her child would have been great. Instead she married him after just one year of dating.

Turns out lots of stuff she didn't find out about till they were married. Remember the fancy cars? Turns out they were leased for astronomical amount of money and he could have never afforded them flat out. The job, was part of this big company acquiring his company and he couldn't have made it through the interview process and has very little if any room for growth at work. Money runs through his hands like water. He allowed her to believe she would be stay at home mom and he would go out in his fancy cars to his fancy job and provide for them. He failed to mention the level of debt he was in and the credit cards that are routinely maxed out. My friend isn't blameless here, she didn't do her homework and didn't ask many questions and just trusted everything he said. He child can't stand her child and there is an 8 yr age difference, nightmare scenario. I believe he saw her as easy prey because of her circumstance and she saw him as an easy option instead of getting out there and working hard to provide for herself and her child.

Her days now are spent trying to clean and organize this foreclosed house he brought and never did anything to. When she heard he owned his home and found out what he paid for it, it sounded like a huge amount of money to her compared to what she was use to. She saw the house before marrying him and he told her of the big plans to redo kitchen, baths and bunch of other stuff, except there is no money to do any of this.

They have been married a little over a year and I can't be around them. He talks to her like she has an IQ of 50, gives her task to do all day long and lord if she doesn't get them done. He wanted a maid he could sleep with and he got it and she is in a hell of a predicament. Just imagine if she had just focused on herself and her child.

Your friend is just as much a predator as he is. She wanted a windower and an ATM machine.

I feel sorry for the kids in the situation.

Oh I agree completely, she got what she was asking for and then some. Since this not so good a friend anymore cause I don't want to hear the pissing and moaning about her predicament, I use the term friend very loosely

[Anonymous]

My kids were 4 and 7 when I decided to start dating 7 years ago at age 36. It was difficult because we were happy and dating can be very disruptive. I finally met a good guy in the same boat with three kids. We both agreed that we didn't want a Brady bunch combination. We have a FWB type relationship that works nicely. He's met my kids and I've met his but we don't do things as a group. We get together every week or two. We've talked about moving in together after we've both become empty nesters but that is still a long way off. I'm lucky in that I'm financially independent and have a pretty comfortable life.

[Anonymous]

Do you want to remarry and have more kids? I would date closer to your age, a man single-never-married who wants to get married and have kids. Many men adore single mother's, and take those women seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to remarry and have more kids? I would date closer to your age, a man single-never-married who wants to get married and have kids. Many men adore single mother's, and take those women seriously.

I agree. There are some men who love how badass late 30s single moms are.