When young teens make the plans, do you double check w/the parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP with a just-turned-13 YO who does not yet have a phone.

Thank you for these comments, and OP, I've been wondering the same thing.

DC claims s/he "needs" a phone because kids make their own plans now and s/ne would be "mortified" if I check with a mother to confirm.

Excuse me?

So, these kids are "making plans" to get together without confirming with an adult? Do you just assume that I'm available at any time to cart you all over town to meet up with friends? Do you just assume that it's OK if 4 friends plan to sleep over tonight, without asking first?

I get that they have to gradually have some independence in this area, but as long as I'm responsible for transportation, or feeding groups of people, or supervising gatherings, there is no way that "plans" can be made without adult consent.

Of course! I don't know that PPs were saying any of that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: One thing we started when DD was in high school is, we sent a group text to the parents of her good friends to let them know that we would be out of town. They were all very thankful to have that inside information and from then on we always let the other parents now, to avoid house parties and the like

I like this idea, thank you for mentioning it.

[Anonymous]

We always call or text the parents, especially as the kids get older and are driving themselves. We have never had another parent respond poorly or think that we were being helicopter parents. I have noticed that the other parents do the same with us if the kids are spending time here.

Frankly, one or the other of us is gone a lot for work or, now, family (at the hospital). This is the only way we could be gone and be comfortable is to know that our network is intact and that our lines of communication are open with the parents of our children's friends.

I wouldn't know what some of these parents look like if I ran into them on the street but I sure do know how much they value that we are all trying to help our kids steer clear of trouble and keep them safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: One thing we started when DD was in high school is, we sent a group text to the parents of her good friends to let them know that we would be out of town. They were all very thankful to have that inside information and from then on we always let the other parents now, to avoid house parties and the like

We got a great tip from a police officer, who said that more and more parents call the local police office and tell them they will be out of town and their teens will be home alone. Often police officer might drive by if you are in a smaller town, and this way kids know that police might stop by and police knows if something happens that parents did some due diligence. Certainly, we all want to believe that our kids would never do such a thing, but all it takes is one kid telling somebody else there are no parents at home and before you know it party at your house.