Empty Nest is Coming

[Anonymous]

Oh, I feel your pain OP. Daughters are really something special. I have an only dd who lives across the country. When she left for college, I was really sad. My DH and I missed her every day. You never really get used to it, but it is the cycle of life. Do try to find some new activities to get involved with. Make at least one time a week to talk to her when she's in college. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Oh this thread makes me sad. My DD is only 8 and I feel like I'm going to blink and be you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do I handle the feelings? Jeez, you are all like men. Just trying to solve the problem.

THis was not clear from your OP.

Find a few other mothers and invite them out for wine and whine in August, then monthly. This is one of life's passages and most parents go through it at some point. Don't deny you feelings, allow them to surface and move through to the other side. Having a new activity will help.

Schedule your empty nester or soon to be empty nester friends in advance for lunches/dinners/coffees for right after the college move in. The first few days are the hardest after leave taking and having friends around that share the feeling helps even if you all don't talk about it at all. You know there's empathy there. And contrary to people telling you you're wrong to feel sad, let yourself feel bad. Of course you'll be happy to see her adapting and having fun in college but your feelings are very valid and it's natural for both to co-exist. My arms feel empty now but I'm having a lot of fun and finally have time for me so it's not all bad!

[Anonymous]

My DD left for college two years ago, and I still feel sad each time she leaves to go back to school after a vacation or weekend at home. It's quite an adjustment. It takes time, OP. Finding activities to distract you will help, but it's such a huge change. I have younger children to distract me, but they will go off to college soon, and I'll be sad when each of them leaves.

The strings are still there, OP. Your child is still a child, and she needs you. My DD came home often her first year in college she said to see her friends, but I think she liked coming home, even though she didn't say so. I still do a lot of things for her, even though she's slowly becoming more independent. All children are different, OP, but I needed to keep regular contact with DD to make sure things were going OK. There are always hiccups during the first year. You're not just sending them off, and then leaving to spend three months in Europe!

But it's sad, particularly the first week when you walk past the empty bedroom, and sit down at the dinner table with an empty chair! Children have to grow up, and I'm happy mine is doing well at college, but I sure miss her childhood!

[Anonymous]

Visit her every so often at college. Go up there and buy her dinner and take her shopping?
Take a trip together sometime? Look forward to grandkids and everything before that?

We can't wait until our DD leaves for college - she's IMPOSSIBLE. Loud, obnoxious, rude, snarky.
We're afraid she's going to come back ..

[Anonymous]

Get a boyfriend. He can sleep over in hour empty nest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do I handle the feelings? Jeez, you are all like men. Just trying to solve the problem.

Perhaps talk to a therapist?

[Anonymous]

I would be popping champagne.

[Anonymous]

This won't help OP but you need to prepare for the empty nest well in advance. Jobs, clubs, activities....all the things you didn't do when your child was young. When your child leaves you say "now I can do more of them". Becoming an empty nester is like retiring "cold turkey". Tons of people retire on a Friday and then on Monday they are clueless about what to do. People need to prepare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh this thread makes me sad. My DD is only 8 and I feel like I'm going to blink and be you OP.

You will be My oldest leaves for college in 6 weeks, and I am truly amazed by how quickly it has gone. And my kids were difficult babies and typical toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be popping champagne.

When my kids were 3 and 5 and I couldn't exercise or see friends as much as I wanted, just to give two examples, I would have agreed. But the kids grow up and grown on you as they get older

[Anonymous]

Write your feelings in a journal.

Are you on generally good terms with your Ex? He might be going through some of the same feelings you are...can you maybe talk together? Maybe a walk down memory lane from when your Dd was little or the like. Bring back a little nostalgia as a common denominator.

Plan a fun trip starting two or three days when your Dd leaves. It will help you focus on something other than a self pity party and give you something to look forward to. Grab a friend to go with you - a cruise, an adults only resort, all inclusive, whatever is your thing.

[Anonymous]

Dads have these same feelings --- single or married.

[Anonymous]

There's too much depression here. I clicked on this thread thinking it was going to be full of WOOT!

I love my kids tremendously, but I get such great joy watching them grow up and moving on to each new life change and challenge. I'm a couple years left until the final one leaves the nest. I can't wait. It's awesome seeing them make a life for themselves and grow up. The alternative is worse.

[Anonymous]

Here's what happened to me: I was a single mom with one kid, so it was devastating when DD went off to college two years ago. But I joined Meetups, started volunteering, stopped tearing up in the grocery store, etc. And it wasn't so bad. I loved having the big living room TV all to myself, eating whatever and whenever I wanted, etc., even though I still missed her.

And then I geoidn't like her out of state school and really wanted to move home to go locally. So here she is. Not what I expected and harder than before she left home because she is used to complete freedom. So I have mixed feelings. But I know I need to treasure what I have because sooner or later she will be gone again, this time for good.