Question about people who are no longer religious after the death of a loved one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father was a deeply religious person, and died in terrible pain from cancer, blind, unable to speak or communicate with the loved ones around him, and I believe begging God to release him from pain because he was using all of his strength to hold up his arms in supplication. He was in his early 60's. I have had a very hard time believing in God since then. I makes me extremely angry to hear from others (though I say nothing, of course) about how God has "healed" them or performed some other miracle on their behalf. If there was a real, benevolent, or just God, he wouldn't pick and choose. Nothing good or positive came out of my father's death for himself, my mother or siblings, or his grandchildren. Life would have been 1000x better if he was still here.

A heartfelt religious response might be "God works in mysterious ways" or "God needed another angel in heaven" or "God only gives us what we can handle" or "He's happy with God now and is looking over his family from heaven." These responses might be comforting to a religious person or a person prone to belief. But to others, they don't make any sense or can even seem heartless.

[Anonymous]

9:35 poster here. Those types of sayings are what I was referring to in my last sentence. God didn't need my father in heaven, we need him here on earth. God will presumably have him for eternity. My children have no Grandfather, and don't even really remember him. He did not want to die, and was heartbroken that he would not live to see long enough for his grandchildren to know him. God didn't" open another door," and no good came from my father's death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9:35 poster here. Those types of sayings are what I was referring to in my last sentence. God didn't need my father in heaven, we need him here on earth. God will presumably have him for eternity. My children have no Grandfather, and don't even really remember him. He did not want to die, and was heartbroken that he would not live to see long enough for his grandchildren to know him. God didn't" open another door," and no good came from my father's death.

That's where "god works in mysterious ways" comes in. It's not comforting, but it gets God off the hook and allows those still living with something to look forward to - seeing their loved one in the heaven. This really works for some people. (not for me) It keeps them going in very rough times and allows them to maintain belief in eternal life.

[Anonymous]

My faith has been tested by unimaginable trauma. What I believe now is a personal spirituality that is loosely based on the religion of my childhood (an Eastern religion), but is more accurately described as my own personal theology, which is how I understand the God and Existence. I don't require anyone else to share my beliefs, nor do I advertise my beliefs.

But I don't have faith because it's a coping mechanism. My coping mechanisms are meditation and cooking. I have faith because I have directly experienced astral travel, have received psychic information of things I had zero way of knowing, even subconsciously, and and have had these experiences repeatedly. At some point denying that consciousness transcends matter, in the face of what I've experienced, becomes delusional.

That does NOT mean I believe everyone should have faith in God. I don't think the universe works that way. Some of the most spiritually potent teachings come from atheist religions that don't believe in a creator deity (Jainism and Buddhism).

But neither do I think it's fair or accurate to say that people who have faith in God despite their hardships can only mean that it's a coping mechanism to help them deal with life. I have actively tried to be an atheist in the past, because atheism was my way of coping with trauma.

But gnostic experiences, including ejecting myself from my body and astrally watching my cousins get into a huge argument 2000 miles away and then repeating every word of the conversation to them verbatim the next day over the phone, don't go away just because I don't want to believe in them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I'm not trying to sound insensitive, but I don't really understand this. Presumably if you were religious to begin with you knew that all people died eventually. So is this reasoning usually just people who never reconciled the idea of death within their religion? I'm also not talking about people who say "there is no god" in the heat of their grief, but people who 20 yrs down the road still don't believe in god because of a specific person's death.

OP, have you been through this or is this a hypothetical question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband had a terrible illness and I was all alone. All the "Christians" in my life used that time to talk to me about their religion when I needed that time to sleep or take a shower or do something productive like eat a meal. I did not need to be woken up after being up all night for some sort of bible study. Visiting my husband was really tough unless you were the attention seeking type. The hardest time for me was once we were discharged from the hospital. It was way less glamorous to bring us meals or help us during the recovery. It was really awful to see such hypocrisy. To date I've never met a good person who also identified loudly as religious.

I am sorry for your experience. I don't understand why are you bitter with another Christians thought. This was the time when your faith was challenged. It was between you and God. Other people and their time schedule shall have no affect on your faith.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband had a terrible illness and I was all alone. All the "Christians" in my life used that time to talk to me about their religion when I needed that time to sleep or take a shower or do something productive like eat a meal. I did not need to be woken up after being up all night for some sort of bible study. Visiting my husband was really tough unless you were the attention seeking type. The hardest time for me was once we were discharged from the hospital. It was way less glamorous to bring us meals or help us during the recovery. It was really awful to see such hypocrisy. To date I've never met a good person who also identified loudly as religious.

What do you call "loudly" religious? Does any time the person mention his/her faith qualify as loudly religious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My faith has been tested by unimaginable trauma. What I believe now is a personal spirituality that is loosely based on the religion of my childhood (an Eastern religion), but is more accurately described as my own personal theology, which is how I understand the God and Existence. I don't require anyone else to share my beliefs, nor do I advertise my beliefs.

But I don't have faith because it's a coping mechanism. My coping mechanisms are meditation and cooking. I have faith because I have directly experienced astral travel, have received psychic information of things I had zero way of knowing, even subconsciously, and and have had these experiences repeatedly. At some point denying that consciousness transcends matter, in the face of what I've experienced, becomes delusional.

That does NOT mean I believe everyone should have faith in God. I don't think the universe works that way. Some of the most spiritually potent teachings come from atheist religions that don't believe in a creator deity (Jainism and Buddhism).

But neither do I think it's fair or accurate to say that people who have faith in God despite their hardships can only mean that it's a coping mechanism to help them deal with life. I have actively tried to be an atheist in the past, because atheism was my way of coping with trauma.

But gnostic experiences, including ejecting myself from my body and astrally watching my cousins get into a huge argument 2000 miles away and then repeating every word of the conversation to them verbatim the next day over the phone, don't go away just because I don't want to believe in them.

I understand that your unusual experiences have had a profound effect on you and I wonder what your beliefs are and how would you describe your faith?

[Anonymous]

I understand that your unusual experiences have had a profound effect on you and I wonder what your beliefs are and how would you describe your faith?

It's a personal theology created by gnostic experience, is what I'd call my beliefs now. My beliefs do resonate with religious traditions that believe in non-dual philosophy (Islamic Sufism, Jewish Kabbalah, Hindu Advaita Vedanta, Mahayana Buddhism, Taoism, Hellenic Neoplatonism, etc), but beyond that I would rather not define my beliefs because they are very specific and very personal to me and my experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I understand that your unusual experiences have had a profound effect on you and I wonder what your beliefs are and how would you describe your faith?

It's a personal theology created by gnostic experience, is what I'd call my beliefs now. My beliefs do resonate with religious traditions that believe in non-dual philosophy (Islamic Sufism, Jewish Kabbalah, Hindu Advaita Vedanta, Mahayana Buddhism, Taoism, Hellenic Neoplatonism, etc), but beyond that I would rather not define my beliefs because they are very specific and very personal to me and my experiences.

Thank you

[Anonymous]

After the Holocaust, a large group of Jews became atheists, and another large group became ultra Orthodox. The rabbi at a synagogue I used to attend in NYC was always trying to square belief in God with the Holocaust. One time he spoke about the many Jews who had survived the Holocaust and that showed that the Holocaust could have been much worse.

This reminded me of the Jewish story about a new rabbi who had just been hired at a synagogue. His first duty was to preside over a funeral. He said the time had come when members of the congregation would come up and speak about the good things this man had done. The congregants looked uncomfortably at each other and no one stepped up. The rabbi said "surely someone can say something nice about this man!" One man at the back of the synagogue raised his hand and said "his brother was worse."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me that when her husband's died, it was like beimg awakened from a dream. Reality hits you in the face. It stripped away the religious belief that she was raised in.

She said that God did not prevent her husband from a horrific death. God does not stop bad things from happening to believers or non-believers. Instead, she realized that God and religions are myths made up by people to cope with life.

Bingo! I went through a similar awakening after a tragedy in my life.

Religion is a coping mechanism for getting through life. I'm okay with people believing whatever they want, as long as it doesn't negatively impact anyone else.

[Anonymous]

I have watched my child die a very painful death and thus to me there is no God. I am happy for others who find comfort in him and would never think anything negative of any religious community but they will never be for me again. I work very hard to keep joy in my heart and going strong for my kids and husband but it's not Gods strength ...its my own. My own blood, sweat, and so so many tears. I'm in a support group of 7 women who have buried children and we all either don't believe or openly admit we just pretend to believe to give strength to the grieving ones around us who need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me that when her husband's died, it was like beimg awakened from a dream. Reality hits you in the face. It stripped away the religious belief that she was raised in.

She said that God did not prevent her husband from a horrific death. God does not stop bad things from happening to believers or non-believers. Instead, she realized that God and religions are myths made up by people to cope with life.

Bingo! I went through a similar awakening after a tragedy in my life.

Religion is a coping mechanism for getting through life. I'm okay with people believing whatever they want, as long as it doesn't negatively impact anyone else.

If it is just a coping mechanism, maybe with some nice music, ritual and a welcoming community - fine. But too often religion is forced on people, onto small children who will believe anything adults tell them. And some brands of religion frighten people and threaten them with punishment. Not fine at all.

[Anonymous]

I lost both my parents when I was young. Religious people have told me that God called them home, that he has a bigger plan, that my strength from dealing with these losses is a gift. Bullshit. I needed my parents. So many people have both parents well into their lives. My children will never know their grandparents. Why would god do this to me? I was raised religious and both parents were religious until their deaths. I just don't believe anymore.