Relieved My Child Did Not Get Into Her Dream School

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with kids getting disappointed?

If you are clear up front that money will affect the outcome.

They apply. Hopefully they study extra hard for the SATs because they need that merit aid.

School makes a choice.

Parents and child make a choice.

Sometimes life is disappointing. If the kid had a reasonable chance of getting in with aid, why was it bad to try?

When I applied to grad school, I got into some but not many. The more elite the less likely I was to get in with money. It still made sense to apply for that NSF even if I was a longshot.

It's not bad to try **if the kid has a reasonable chance of getting in with aid.** But if you are applying to a school that offers no merit aid (or very little) and you have used the net price calculator, you can make a pretty good guess whether you can afford it. If you can only afford to spend $30k per year, and you run the net price calculator at Harvard for your brilliant child and it estimates that your family contribution will be $55k, why would you/your kid waste the application fee and the time needed to write a good application? Time and money better spent elsewhere--such as a school that offers significant merit aid to students like your brilliant child.

Uhm, b/c it's Harvard and worth whatever it is you will pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you don't know if you can afford it, until they apply.

Friends son applied EA to school that gave significant merit to a Mminimum ACT or SAT score. After acceptance, they allowed him to retake but still did not make the cut (friend hinted that he was sooo close). They could afford to pay the difference, but let him decide. He knew it wasn't the best financial choice compared to his close 2nd option, so decided on to attend #2 instead and save his parents $

Nonsense. You can run numbers via the FAFSA and NPCs for each school. When acceptances and aid come in, there should be no surprises. If there are, you have not done your homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you don't know if you can afford it, until they apply.

Friends son applied EA to school that gave significant merit to a Mminimum ACT or SAT score. After acceptance, they allowed him to retake but still did not make the cut (friend hinted that he was sooo close). They could afford to pay the difference, but let him decide. He knew it wasn't the best financial choice compared to his close 2nd option, so decided on to attend #2 instead and save his parents $

Yes, but in the end if the parents are footing the bill it is not up to the DC to make the final decision. Michelle Singletary is right that colleges are wrong when they tell parents to let their kids make the decision. I let my DD take ownership of much of the process of choosing, but there were clear budgetary guidelines - no net price cost exceeding in-state Virginia costs.

+1

My DC made the decision, but only within the financial parameters we made clear from day one.

What is up with parents not setting any limits?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with kids getting disappointed?

If you are clear up front that money will affect the outcome.

They apply. Hopefully they study extra hard for the SATs because they need that merit aid.

School makes a choice.

Parents and child make a choice.

Sometimes life is disappointing. If the kid had a reasonable chance of getting in with aid, why was it bad to try?

When I applied to grad school, I got into some but not many. The more elite the less likely I was to get in with money. It still made sense to apply for that NSF even if I was a longshot.

It's not bad to try **if the kid has a reasonable chance of getting in with aid.** But if you are applying to a school that offers no merit aid (or very little) and you have used the net price calculator, you can make a pretty good guess whether you can afford it. If you can only afford to spend $30k per year, and you run the net price calculator at Harvard for your brilliant child and it estimates that your family contribution will be $55k, why would you/your kid waste the application fee and the time needed to write a good application? Time and money better spent elsewhere--such as a school that offers significant merit aid to students like your brilliant child.

Uhm, b/c it's Harvard and worth whatever it is you will pay.

PP said they can pay $30K. Harvard says they have to pay $55K. Therefore Harvard is out.

What part of that is not clear?

[Anonymous]

I didn't even apply to my dream school because my parents didn't have the money to pay full cost at an Ivy but I wasn't going to qualify for sufficient need-based aid. I was a good candidate for significant merit aid at a bunch of schools, and they wisely steered me toward choosing one of those. I am so grateful for, for so many reasons, that I went where I did.

Obviously, everyone's experience is different but just wanted to put that out there to any parents who may be feeling bad that they can't let their kid go to the school of his or her dreams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you don't know if you can afford it, until they apply.

Friends son applied EA to school that gave significant merit to a Mminimum ACT or SAT score. After acceptance, they allowed him to retake but still did not make the cut (friend hinted that he was sooo close). They could afford to pay the difference, but let him decide. He knew it wasn't the best financial choice compared to his close 2nd option, so decided on to attend #2 instead and save his parents $

Yes, but in the end if the parents are footing the bill it is not up to the DC to make the final decision. Michelle Singletary is right that colleges are wrong when they tell parents to let their kids make the decision. I let my DD take ownership of much of the process of choosing, but there were clear budgetary guidelines - no net price cost exceeding in-state Virginia costs.

+1

My DC made the decision, but only within the financial parameters we made clear from day one.

What is up with parents not setting any limits?

Setting different limits than you do isn't "not setting any limits." It's a different choice that you have made. So take your judgment and stuff it.

[Anonymous]

I let my DC apply to the colleges desired with the warning that out of pocket would have to be the same as UMD. Needless to say I was stunned, shocked, and in total disbelief that the Ivy DC chose left us with out of pocket expenses at $30K. UMD came to $25K. DC will attend the Ivy and will work over the summer applying 60% of summer work to the balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I let my DC apply to the colleges desired with the warning that out of pocket would have to be the same as UMD. Needless to say I was stunned, shocked, and in total disbelief that the Ivy DC chose left us with out of pocket expenses at $30K. UMD came to $25K. DC will attend the Ivy and will work over the summer applying 60% of summer work to the balance.

Why were you stunned? Was the amount of aid offered at the Ivy significantly more than the net price calculator estimate? Is the amount you are paying out of pocket significantly less than your EFC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you don't know if you can afford it, until they apply.

Friends son applied EA to school that gave significant merit to a Mminimum ACT or SAT score. After acceptance, they allowed him to retake but still did not make the cut (friend hinted that he was sooo close). They could afford to pay the difference, but let him decide. He knew it wasn't the best financial choice compared to his close 2nd option, so decided on to attend #2 instead and save his parents $

Yes, but in the end if the parents are footing the bill it is not up to the DC to make the final decision. Michelle Singletary is right that colleges are wrong when they tell parents to let their kids make the decision. I let my DD take ownership of much of the process of choosing, but there were clear budgetary guidelines - no net price cost exceeding in-state Virginia costs.

+1

My DC made the decision, but only within the financial parameters we made clear from day one.

What is up with parents not setting any limits?

Setting different limits than you do isn't "not setting any limits." It's a different choice that you have made. So take your judgment and stuff it.

OP wrote, 'Because I would have had to break her heart and tell her we cannot afford it. Instead, she is accepted to a solid state school with a generous financial aid package that is $30K less than the dream school. We can comfortably afford this.

If you could not afford your child's dream school, how did you break it to them? "

Sounds like no limits of any kind were in place at applications time.

[Anonymous]

Yes we were shocked and stunned when DC was accepted to a beautiful school with aid but we are not even touring the campus b/c even with aid too expensive.

[Anonymous]

Admissions can be very tricky. Accepted where you thought no chance, denied when you thought safety. You can't plan everything in advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We made the mistake of allowing our daughter to apply to her dream school in the first place. Really, if you can't afford it, don't visit it and don't let your kid apply. Then there is no heartbreaking to do. We straight up told our daughter she could only go if she received a substantial merit aid award. That happened at a few other less desirable schools. She was very disappointed not to go to her dream school but understood that we did not want her or us in debt. She ended up at the perfect school for her and is happy as can be and doing amazing academically. It all worked out. We will not let our other children apply to schools we can't afford going forward. There is no point to it if you aren't going to let your kids go there anyway.

What if parents cannot afford any of the colleges? The kid should not apply?

[Anonymous]

Community college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told my DD I would pay up to the full cost of tuition, room & board at any of our in-state schools. We are in Virginia. If she went OOS or private, I said she would need to make up the difference.

She was accepted OOS with a scholarship that makes the cost much less than attending in Virginia.

As Michelle writes in her column, no school is worth going into significant debt.

Or at least out of state UNC isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Admissions can be very tricky. Accepted where you thought no chance, denied when you thought safety. You can't plan everything in advance.

Why is that "tricky"?