Child custody advice, any divorce attorneys here? I don't know what to do

[Anonymous]

OP: are you having an affair? Because it sounds like you are checking out of the marriage before trying much else.

There are a lot of things you could do before getting a divorce, including bringing another adult into the household. Do either of you have a relative you can move into the home? Hire an au pair? Have a babysitter there when you aren't there?

Suppose you divorce. DH still gets the boy for a minimum of every other weekend. If he is as dangerous as you say, who protects the child for those 60 hours? DH might move to an apartment building (with a pool). Apartments are much more dangerous for children than SFHs (10 times the fire risk to start). He'll also likely get a big chunk of the summer time. Maybe ex-DH will take your son to the beach or the mountains for a couple of weeks of vacation, where really dangerous activities happen.

Worst case for you: DH remarries, has two kids, who grow up to be healthy and successful. Now everyone, but especially your son, knows your unsafe, reckless dad story was all made up. Remember all that documentation you create showing he's a bad dad won't evaporate the day the divorce is over. It's there forever. Your grandchildren will be reading it, if they care.

[Anonymous]

@19:28

Did you have an especially bad day or are you always an asshole?

Go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: are you having an affair? Because it sounds like you are checking out of the marriage before trying much else.

There are a lot of things you could do before getting a divorce, including bringing another adult into the household. Do either of you have a relative you can move into the home? Hire an au pair? Have a babysitter there when you aren't there?

Suppose you divorce. DH still gets the boy for a minimum of every other weekend. If he is as dangerous as you say, who protects the child for those 60 hours? DH might move to an apartment building (with a pool). Apartments are much more dangerous for children than SFHs (10 times the fire risk to start). He'll also likely get a big chunk of the summer time. Maybe ex-DH will take your son to the beach or the mountains for a couple of weeks of vacation, where really dangerous activities happen.

Worst case for you: DH remarries, has two kids, who grow up to be healthy and successful. Now everyone, but especially your son, knows your unsafe, reckless dad story was all made up. Remember all that documentation you create showing he's a bad dad won't evaporate the day the divorce is over. It's there forever. Your grandchildren will be reading it, if they care.

Some of this post sounds very specific in its imaginative irrelevance. We all place the filter of our experiences over reality. Important to be aware of this and keep it in check so you don't actually block out or distort reality.

[Anonymous]

Please don't excuse this behavior as "men are wired differently." My husband is insanely overprotective, which comes with its own issues (anxiety ( but in OPs case the husband has already caused significant injury. He is being unsafe and neglectful and I totally feel.for you.

[Anonymous]

Get copies of the medical records and see if the doctor wrote in the notes the circumstances of the injury, as reported by you the parents. Scan those copies and email them to yourself at a new secret email address.

[Anonymous]

So sorry you are enduring this OP.

I feel for you + your precious son in this terrible situation. ;(

I would continue documenting everything & include photos, Dr./Hospital visits plus anyone else who may have seen or witnessed anything.

It sounds like your husband could benefit from some good parenting classes in order to see his son.

I surely hope the court can mandate this for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: are you having an affair? Because it sounds like you are checking out of the marriage before trying much else.

There are a lot of things you could do before getting a divorce, including bringing another adult into the household. Do either of you have a relative you can move into the home? Hire an au pair? Have a babysitter there when you aren't there?

Suppose you divorce. DH still gets the boy for a minimum of every other weekend. If he is as dangerous as you say, who protects the child for those 60 hours? DH might move to an apartment building (with a pool). Apartments are much more dangerous for children than SFHs (10 times the fire risk to start). He'll also likely get a big chunk of the summer time. Maybe ex-DH will take your son to the beach or the mountains for a couple of weeks of vacation, where really dangerous activities happen.

Worst case for you: DH remarries, has two kids, who grow up to be healthy and successful. Now everyone, but especially your son, knows your unsafe, reckless dad story was all made up. Remember all that documentation you create showing he's a bad dad won't evaporate the day the divorce is over. It's there forever. Your grandchildren will be reading it, if they care.

OP sounds paranoid and maybe untreated PPD or some sort of a disorder. I think she is making up the story to justify the divorce. Just does not seem true/reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel for you. I had similar concerns about my exH.

I white-knuckled it in a sh*tty marriage for 8 years. I documented the hell out of the various incidents/insanity, but (obviously) no one could guarantee that he wouldn't have the kids for a substantial proportion of time. I waited until they seemed resilient, mature, and self-sufficient enough to hold their own. I filed when they were 11; divorce was finalized when they were 12 and a half. (Insult to injury, bc I was the plaintiff, I had to take a mandatory parenting class. He did not.)

Ultimately, I have them the vast majority of time; he has them every other weekend.

I'm not saying this was the best / right approach. Just sharing my experience.

You'll be happy to know that VA now requires both parties to attend the parenting class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: are you having an affair? Because it sounds like you are checking out of the marriage before trying much else.

There are a lot of things you could do before getting a divorce, including bringing another adult into the household. Do either of you have a relative you can move into the home? Hire an au pair? Have a babysitter there when you aren't there?

Suppose you divorce. DH still gets the boy for a minimum of every other weekend. If he is as dangerous as you say, who protects the child for those 60 hours? DH might move to an apartment building (with a pool). Apartments are much more dangerous for children than SFHs (10 times the fire risk to start). He'll also likely get a big chunk of the summer time. Maybe ex-DH will take your son to the beach or the mountains for a couple of weeks of vacation, where really dangerous activities happen.

Worst case for you: DH remarries, has two kids, who grow up to be healthy and successful. Now everyone, but especially your son, knows your unsafe, reckless dad story was all made up. Remember all that documentation you create showing he's a bad dad won't evaporate the day the divorce is over. It's there forever. Your grandchildren will be reading it, if they care.

Ok, op here, and I won't have time to check back for a while, but NO, I am not having an affair. When would I even have time? Honestly, I feel right now that I would never want to be with a man ever again, even after divorce. And I'm not making anything up.

[Anonymous]

Your DH sounds like he doesn't care about or love the child. I went thru a similar situation, but the pediatrician actually was the one to stress to me that I had to protect my child. They had the medical records and child was very verbal about the "accidents ". You should ask your doctor for the medical records and consult an attorney to plan your application for sole custody.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I dropped my DD when playing with her. Walked her in the head with the swing too. She graduates from high school this year!