Adoptive parents that treat their biological child and adopted child differently

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: In the daycare I work at, 2 kids that were adopted from Russia just got taken by the social services because their adoptive mother abuses them...

however, there are some out there that should have never been allowed to take a precious life of a child and make their life terrible. I think there are flaws in the system.

Makes you wonder why some people spend a lot of time and effort promoting adoption as an option to young people in distress.
The family you are born into should be the first choice, always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: In the daycare I work at, 2 kids that were adopted from Russia just got taken by the social services because their adoptive mother abuses them...

however, there are some out there that should have never been allowed to take a precious life of a child and make their life terrible. I think there are flaws in the system.

Makes you wonder why some people spend a lot of time and effort promoting adoption as an option to young people in distress.
The family you are born into should be the first choice, always.

Might I remind you that this isn't always true. My daughter's extended birth family didn't want to raise her, and neither did my extended birth family. While I agree in principle with you, for a lot of people this isn't always possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Makes you wonder why some people spend a lot of time and effort promoting adoption as an option to young people in distress.
The family you are born into should be the first choice, always.

Might I remind you that this isn't always true. My daughter's extended birth family didn't want to raise her, and neither did my extended birth family. While I agree in principle with you, for a lot of people this isn't always possible.

So I take you were adapted and adapted yourself as well.
There is no need to pressure people to give their children up for adoption. Sometimes that is the route taken, even though there are options that the birth mother does not even know about. Like low income housing, WIC, day care vouchers and other help. Nobody should be pressured, There are no guarantees that the child will even have a good life

[Anonymous]

Growing up, a family in our neighborhood had foster children. Not the same as adopted, but the children lived with them during my entire childhood. The foster children weren't allowed to eat with the family, did most of the chores and were never able to play. Even as a child, I could sense the disparity, and felt so sorry for those children. On the other hand, I know 4 families with adopted children and those children are adored and very much loved. Some people are cold.

[Anonymous]

I am a father of two, only one of them being my biological child. I cannot help but feel more attached to my biological child. We all know they need the same amount of love, but at times I find myself giving more to my biological child (which is unfair to the other). I am not a perfect human, but at least I admit to my faults, and acknowledge the fact, thus I make a conscious descision to treat them exactly the same and give them the same amount of attention and care ...even though I do slip up at times, I do make it up to my adopted child - he also needs to feel special. It aint always easy, but it aint hard either - its just a matter of being the best parent you can be for all the children in your care - regardless if they're you're own blood n flesh. Good luck to all of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a father of two, only one of them being my biological child. I cannot help but feel more attached to my biological child. We all know they need the same amount of love, but at times I find myself giving more to my biological child (which is unfair to the other).

This last post is, in my view, the most honest statement I have ever read on the topic. I am in the process of adopting a baby girl. The woman I have called "mom" from the age of 3 until today is not biologically related to me. She married my father when I was just a baby and had 5 biological children with him. I love her very dearly and I know she loves me as well. When I started the process to adopt my baby girl, I asked my mom whether the love one has for a biological child is comparable to the love one has for an adopted child. Her answer was "it is not the same". When I heard that and for few weeks thereafter, I felt a pinch in my heart. Over the months however, and as I got better educated about adoption, I came to understand why my mom answered my question the way she did.

Thank you to the previous poster for being honest with his feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a father of two, only one of them being my biological child. I cannot help but feel more attached to my biological child. We all know they need the same amount of love, but at times I find myself giving more to my biological child (which is unfair to the other).

This last post is, in my view, the most honest statement I have ever read on the topic. I am in the process of adopting a baby girl. The woman I have called "mom" from the age of 3 until today is not biologically related to me. She married my father when I was just a baby and had 5 biological children with him. I love her very dearly and I know she loves me as well. When I started the process to adopt my baby girl, I asked my mom whether the love one has for a biological child is comparable to the love one has for an adopted child. Her answer was "it is not the same". When I heard that and for few weeks thereafter, I felt a pinch in my heart. Over the months however, and as I got better educated about adoption, I came to understand why my mom answered my question the way she did.

Thank you to the previous poster for being honest with his feelings.

Can I also give you my honest statement? I adopted my first child (daughter) and gave birth to my second (son) and I don't love my daughter any less than my son. If anything, I am way more bonded to my daughter than to my son at this stage, though he is just a baby so I haven't known him as long. I've asked my husband if he feels differently and he also agrees with me. I don't doubt that there are some people (like the father who responded) who do feel differently about their children, but please be assured that it's also VERY possible to feel exactly the same about your children too. I imagine there are parents who treat and love their bio children differently as well.

[Anonymous]

Bottom line, every situation is different and every parent/child relationship is different.

I can guarantee this: for every adoption horror story there are 1000 adoption success stories. The terrible tales of abuse are horrible but aren't the norm. Most parents adopt because they genuinely want to provide a safe, loving home for a child. And those who abuse their adopted children would probably have done the same to their "biological" children if given the chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bottom line, every situation is different and every parent/child relationship is different.

I can guarantee this: for every adoption horror story there are 1000 adoption success stories. The terrible tales of abuse are horrible but aren't the norm. Most parents adopt because they genuinely want to provide a safe, loving home for a child. And those who abuse their adopted children would probably have done the same to their "biological" children if given the chance.

I tend to agree with you on that point. Adopting a child takes up SO much time and money. Why would anyone do it if they genuinely did not want a child-unless, of course, it's the adoption of a step child or something like that. . .

[Anonymous]

direction of effect error.

[Anonymous]

bulll. i am adopted and i get treated as equal as they doo. soo that is just that person, its not nature. my family and i are as close as ever, i think one of the things that make us that close is me being adopted. they always tell me that they love me and so does my real mother, andhow thankful they are. SOO who ever wrote that iss soo fulll of it. kbye and get a life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a father of two, only one of them being my biological child. I cannot help but feel more attached to my biological child. We all know they need the same amount of love, but at times I find myself giving more to my biological child (which is unfair to the other). I am not a perfect human, but at least I admit to my faults, and acknowledge the fact, thus I make a conscious descision to treat them exactly the same and give them the same amount of attention and care ...even though I do slip up at times, I do make it up to my adopted child - he also needs to feel special. It aint always easy, but it aint hard either - its just a matter of being the best parent you can be for all the children in your care - regardless if they're you're own blood n flesh. Good luck to all of you.

Is it really possible to make up love to a child?

[Anonymous]

"I can guarantee this: for every adoption horror story there are 1000 adoption success stories. The terrible tales of abuse are horrible but aren't the norm. Most parents adopt because they genuinely want to provide a safe, loving home for a child. And those who abuse their adopted children would probably have done the same to their "biological" children if given the chance. "

How do you know/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a father of two, only one of them being my biological child. I cannot help but feel more attached to my biological child. We all know they need the same amount of love, but at times I find myself giving more to my biological child (which is unfair to the other). I am not a perfect human, but at least I admit to my faults, and acknowledge the fact, thus I make a conscious descision to treat them exactly the same and give them the same amount of attention and care ...even though I do slip up at times, I do make it up to my adopted child - he also needs to feel special. It aint always easy, but it aint hard either - its just a matter of being the best parent you can be for all the children in your care - regardless if they're you're own blood n flesh. Good luck to all of you.

Is it really possible to make up love to a child?

One of the things that's hard to separate in this is whether you feel differently about your adopted child because he/she is adopted or because of personality differences that make you closer to one child vs. the other. Plenty of people with all biological children feel differently about one child over another, but they don't have the adoption to attribute it to. Growing up, I saw numerous cases of parent treating their biological children differently, based on gender, interests, personalities, etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the things that's hard to separate in this is whether you feel differently about your adopted child because he/she is adopted or because of personality differences that make you closer to one child vs. the other. Plenty of people with all biological children feel differently about one child over another, but they don't have the adoption to attribute it to. Growing up, I saw numerous cases of parent treating their biological children differently, based on gender, interests, personalities, etc...

Absolutely! I am the adoptive mother of boy/girl twins. They came into my life when they were a few days old, and now they are almost 3. I've always felt bonded to them, and I love them both, but there are some times when I feel closer to one child or the other. And it goes back and forth depending on what's going on or what struggles we're going through (oh, toddlers).