Play dates when your kid isn't the one that needs supervision

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a kid who is impulsive and from my perspective, the other moms know whether their kid needs extra supervision. Mine isn't a biter, but he'll push or shove or throw a toy if he's frustrated and can't express himself. From my perspective, I'm not thinking that the other mom should jump in, but thinking "I hope she sees that I'm jumping in to stop my kid" Each mom is probably just thinking about their own kid and how he or she is playing and if it's appropriate. OTOH, after several incidents at one playdate, I'll start to wonder why you automatically assume my child is the instigator and the one always to blame. Like the other pp's have said, we all don't hear the situation and your child might be doing something to provoke the situation.

My advice is to make sure you don't come across as if your child is blameless and I have to always reprimand/intervene on behalf of my child. If you want the kids to work it out themselves, then say something to me that lets me know you aren't secretly thinking my kid's an ass with behavior issues and you're DD's an angel.

[Anonymous]

If other (multiple) kids are routinely getting so frustrated that they are physically lashing out your daughter then it's time to pay closer attention to how your daughter is playing with her friends.

Obviously, the other kids are wrong for biting/pinching/smacking your kid. But if your daughter is doing something to provoke this type of response in other children than you really need to step in and help her to resolve conflicts.

[Anonymous]

Op, is this your first child?
I have a 6 year old, and let me assure you that play dates at 6 do not, and should not, involve a parent jumping up to intervene like you describe.
That sounds like a 3-4 year old play date. At 6 there is general supervision, an ear on the activities going on, popping your head in every once in awhile, sitting on the porch while the kids play outside, etc. Drop off play dates are the norm, if you are not close friends with the parent.
You need to stop doing play dates with this particular child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If other (multiple) kids are routinely getting so frustrated that they are physically lashing out your daughter then it's time to pay closer attention to how your daughter is playing with her friends.

Obviously, the other kids are wrong for biting/pinching/smacking your kid. But if your daughter is doing something to provoke this type of response in other children than you really need to step in and help her to resolve conflicts.

NP. At 6, this sounds like an excellent time for all of the children to learn how to interact and resolve conflicts. Even if it's by biting (haven't run across that problem in years). Kids can and should learn by doing.

[Anonymous]

I don't get this post. Are you at a playdate where there is another parent there? Like, you're hanging out at the person's house during the playdate? That's weird to me.

Send your kid to a playdate. If they had a good time, send them back. If they didn't have a good time, don't send them back.

[j2415]

Hi, when my son was young, we used to go to play dates because I want him to socialize with others kids. I didn’t allow him to go without chaperone, I always watched him every time he play with someone especially when he’s with group of kids. I also experienced that there were times some parents are not conscious of what their children are doing, so there were screaming and quarreling over something. For some parents, play date is also their time to relax from household activities, they need a break too. I would like to encourage you that during play date, if there are kids biting or doing things that might hurt others, you may try to talk to the children or to the parents to kindly let them know what’s happening, so that no kid will be in danger. It would be great also if there is someone who will supervise the children while playing.

This article, http://bit.ly/2mB1cNv might help you in your playtime with your daughter. Thank you for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If other (multiple) kids are routinely getting so frustrated that they are physically lashing out your daughter then it's time to pay closer attention to how your daughter is playing with her friends.

Obviously, the other kids are wrong for biting/pinching/smacking your kid. But if your daughter is doing something to provoke this type of response in other children than you really need to step in and help her to resolve conflicts.

This. If your kid is being physically harmed by multiple kids, my guess is the other kids are not the problem. Maybe time to see what your child is doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help me out, I'm not saying my 6yo is never the instigator or always makes good choices when problem solving with her friends, but she is never the one to get physical/push/grab etc...and in turn it is easier for me to be a hands off parent and say "let the kids work out the problem
For themselves. How this works in practice though, is that it can leave me feeling like the other parent is having to be vigilant at parenting their child, while I hang back. It's making me self-conscious that they feel I am supposed to be doing something too. example, the parents are in the kitchen chatting while the kids are playing in the living room one kid thinks the game should be played one way, the other kid another way...shouting ensues, we stop chatting to listen, then we hear my kid saying "stop biting me!" And then the other kids parent jumps up to go handle their kid. This happens multiple times, in various scenarios over the course of 2h.

Does the other kid admit to biting? Because it sounds like your kid is trying to manipulate the situation by lying. 6 year olds generally don't bite. ever. if this is happening multiple times with multiple different kids, i can almost 100% guarantee that your kid is lying.