Question to parents of middle schoolers and older

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm doing it now because my son is miserable in school. The teachers are at their wits' end. I personally don't think there's anything going on, but testing will show one way or the other, I hope.

I'm the "sounds like your kid is just a boy in a restricted environment" poster. If I were this poster: "miserable," "wits end," I too would test. (And PP, I wish you and your child well.) I can tell you that my son really struggled with immaturity in 8th and 9th. School started asking for things he wasn't ready to deliver. It was rough, took some seriously difficult parenting (that might have looked a lot like helicoptering but for the fact that we backed off at every stage as he showed himself capable), and there were some missed opportunities. Testing and labeling your kid does have some costs to the child and potentially your relationship with the child.

All this goes to say, OP. Think hard before you decide what to do and be sure to approach it in a way that your kid can hear it. It is not "what do you have to lose"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps he has trouble staying on task because he is a young boy cooped up all day?

Quite a number of my son's elementary classmates met that description and turned out fine. Pursue a diagnosis if you want, but a kid who does well in school and likes it isn't an obvious candidate for special services if you ask me.

Kids can have ADHD and a 504 plan an not get "special services." A 504 plan allow for accommodations like more time on tests or frequent breaks, or less homework, Those things are not services like you get with an IEP (an aide, speech therapy OT, etc).

tomato, tomahto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps he has trouble staying on task because he is a young boy cooped up all day?

Quite a number of my son's elementary classmates met that description and turned out fine. Pursue a diagnosis if you want, but a kid who does well in school and likes it isn't an obvious candidate for special services if you ask me.

Kids can have ADHD and a 504 plan an not get "special services." A 504 plan allow for accommodations like more time on tests or frequent breaks, or less homework, Those things are not services like you get with an IEP (an aide, speech therapy OT, etc).

tomato, tomahto.

More like tomato, rose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps he has trouble staying on task because he is a young boy cooped up all day?

Quite a number of my son's elementary classmates met that description and turned out fine. Pursue a diagnosis if you want, but a kid who does well in school and likes it isn't an obvious candidate for special services if you ask me.

Kids can have ADHD and a 504 plan an not get "special services." A 504 plan allow for accommodations like more time on tests or frequent breaks, or less homework, Those things are not services like you get with an IEP (an aide, speech therapy OT, etc).

tomato, tomahto.

More like tomato, rose.

???

[Anonymous]

Depending on the teacher, many will give accommodations if your child actually needs them even without an actual 504 or IEP. I certainly do in high school! I have some classes where about half of the students have some type of plan with preferential seating and almost as many with extended time. I frequently rotate the seating chart since everyone can't sit up front. Your description sounds typical of boys that age but only you know if it is something more.

[Anonymous]

A cautionary tale from our house to yours. We also had a very bright (now at TJ) ADHD boy a few years ago. As long as he was getting good grades, which he was, we put off the evaluation. When he started middle,school, he crashed and burned. Not necessarily because the work was too hard, but because the executive functioning demands multiplied. 7 classes, 7 sets of homework, etc. We realized a couple weeks in we had a disaster on our hands (the Ds and ongoing problems with missing large numbers of assignments were a clue). And it took us until after Christmas to get him back on track. We had to get an appointment with a neuropsych, which took time. Do the testing and get feedback. More time. Get a child psychiatrist. More time. Get him on an effective dose of the right meds. Or with the school to put a 504 plan in place. Ultimately have him start working an exectutive functioning tutor. He was able to make up the work and do,well (and go on to TJ), but the fall was miserable for everyone-- especially him. And when we saw how much happier he was when he got effective treatment, we felt terrible for waiting.

With child number 2, whom we also suspected of having ADHD, started the testing and treatment process in sixth grade. She went into middle school on effective medication and we signed her up for Strategies for Success. He pr transition to middle school was seamless.

I would not wait until your kid is in a hole to intervene. You want to start middle school off on a good foot. And it takes time to get effective ADHD interventions. It's a lot harder, and more stressful, when you are also dealing with a mess at school.

If you post your question on the Special Needs board, you'll get a lot more people with stories like mine, and most people will encourage you to intervene now.

[Anonymous]

^^ to be clear, we still have the ADHD son. He was in your son's position a few years ago.

[Anonymous]

My DS did better in middle school. I think some of his ES issues were really just boredom. Plus, in MS the focus is more on the material than behavior, which helped my DS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps he has trouble staying on task because he is a young boy cooped up all day?

Quite a number of my son's elementary classmates met that description and turned out fine. Pursue a diagnosis if you want, but a kid who does well in school and likes it isn't an obvious candidate for special services if you ask me.

Kids can have ADHD and a 504 plan an not get "special services." A 504 plan allow for accommodations like more time on tests or frequent breaks, or less homework, Those things are not services like you get with an IEP (an aide, speech therapy OT, etc).

tomato, tomahto.

Accommodations verses accommodations & remediation

504s are harder to enforce. IEPs have more laws and teeth to be able to enforce.

[Anonymous]

I would recommend reading "Boys Adrift" by Leonard Sax

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A cautionary tale from our house to yours. We also had a very bright (now at TJ) ADHD boy a few years ago. As long as he was getting good grades, which he was, we put off the evaluation. When he started middle,school, he crashed and burned. Not necessarily because the work was too hard, but because the executive functioning demands multiplied. 7 classes, 7 sets of homework, etc. We realized a couple weeks in we had a disaster on our hands (the Ds and ongoing problems with missing large numbers of assignments were a clue). And it took us until after Christmas to get him back on track. We had to get an appointment with a neuropsych, which took time. Do the testing and get feedback. More time. Get a child psychiatrist. More time. Get him on an effective dose of the right meds. Or with the school to put a 504 plan in place. Ultimately have him start working an exectutive functioning tutor. He was able to make up the work and do,well (and go on to TJ), but the fall was miserable for everyone-- especially him. And when we saw how much happier he was when he got effective treatment, we felt terrible for waiting.

With child number 2, whom we also suspected of having ADHD, started the testing and treatment process in sixth grade. She went into middle school on effective medication and we signed her up for Strategies for Success. He pr transition to middle school was seamless.

I would not wait until your kid is in a hole to intervene. You want to start middle school off on a good foot. And it takes time to get effective ADHD interventions. It's a lot harder, and more stressful, when you are also dealing with a mess at school.

If you post your question on the Special Needs board, you'll get a lot more people with stories like mine, and most people will encourage you to intervene now.

Wise words.

[Anonymous]

But she said her child is happy and doing fine! Do we proactively give kids eyeglasses even though their sight is fine or put them on crutches even though their legs are fine? I really don't get people who preemptively seek out a diagnosis to prevent hypothetical problems in the future. You cannot say that there are never false positives. Plenty of doctors would diagnose a child with ADHD based on a checklist, and all of a sudden your hypothetical future problem has become an unnecessary big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A cautionary tale from our house to yours. We also had a very bright (now at TJ) ADHD boy a few years ago. As long as he was getting good grades, which he was, we put off the evaluation. When he started middle,school, he crashed and burned. Not necessarily because the work was too hard, but because the executive functioning demands multiplied. 7 classes, 7 sets of homework, etc. We realized a couple weeks in we had a disaster on our hands (the Ds and ongoing problems with missing large numbers of assignments were a clue). And it took us until after Christmas to get him back on track. We had to get an appointment with a neuropsych, which took time. Do the testing and get feedback. More time. Get a child psychiatrist. More time. Get him on an effective dose of the right meds. Or with the school to put a 504 plan in place. Ultimately have him start working an exectutive functioning tutor. He was able to make up the work and do,well (and go on to TJ), but the fall was miserable for everyone-- especially him. And when we saw how much happier he was when he got effective treatment, we felt terrible for waiting.

With child number 2, whom we also suspected of having ADHD, started the testing and treatment process in sixth grade. She went into middle school on effective medication and we signed her up for Strategies for Success. He pr transition to middle school was seamless.

I would not wait until your kid is in a hole to intervene. You want to start middle school off on a good foot. And it takes time to get effective ADHD interventions. It's a lot harder, and more stressful, when you are also dealing with a mess at school.

If you post your question on the Special Needs board, you'll get a lot more people with stories like mine, and most people will encourage you to intervene now.

Wise words.

Our elementary counselor is useless and I've heard our middle school counselor is great. We have a child diagnosed with ADHD but no 504. Should I try to get the 504 set up before middle school or at the beginning of middle school? Does Strategies for Success handle the 504 issues on organization? How?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you not do it if your child is having difficulties? That makes no sense to me. There is no harm in getting your child assessed.

You are right that MS is far lesss nurturing and your child will have to have strategies for success. Best practices should help with some of f the ADHD type issues. But no one is going to pack his backpack or make sure homework to gets turned in. HS expectations are even greater.

Because in my experience, schools do not consider making all 4's (which I assume is the equivalent of A's) as having difficulties, and would be willing to give accomodations in the form of an IEP or 504.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all. This is OP. It's curious to observe how there are two pretty different camps on this one. I didn't realize you can get accommodations without a diagnosis if these are recommended by neuropsych's. Will certainly keep that in mind. All in all, I'm leaning towards wait and see right now. Isnt it funny how we modern day parents are torturing ourselves with this? 30 years ago, my folks signed a report card, and if they liked what they saw there, they didn't bother with further worries about their children's education.

You can also work with him so he learns and practices coping skills for whatever his particular challenges are. Taking a rather normal child who's doing well, picking out his challenges, (which everyone has in varying degrees), and making them into something that requires exceptional status and snowflake treatment strikes me as possibly counterproductive. There's also a lot to be said for the sense of competence you feel when you learn how to handle your challenges.