Please help - how do I get son to enjoy typical boy activities?

[Anonymous]

Is there any chance you could arrange for him to play with some girls (specifically, girls who are not into sports but might be willing to have him be the "prince" in a game of princess, or something like that). My DD, who is 4, is good friends with a little boy the same age. He is also small and short, and although he does like sports, the 2 of them play together quite well.

[Anonymous]

My 5 year old son sounds a lot like OP's. In his case, he actually says that he likes sports, but gravitates toward more stationary activities. He also definitely lacks coordination and gets tired easily. He also has gets easily tired out with handwriting. I know there is a large range and some of this will develop on its own as he gets older, but I'm thinking about looking into getting him evaluated as some PP's recommended. Is this an OT or a PT issue, or some combination thereof? Leaps and Bounds looks more oriented toward OT/SID issues where as Lynne Israel seems to offer both OT and PT services. For those who have been through this, which group would you recommend? And for either group, how long is the wait for an evaluation? Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I think the need for physical exercise trumps the desire to respect your son's individuality. Every parent needs to make sure their child has the foundation to live a healthy active life. Given your son hates sports, I would forego trying to get him to participate in a team sport (where he might also feel some insecurity), but I would absolutely force him into some daily physical exercise. Make him go running with his dad. Make him bike with mom. My son is sporty, but the need for exercise everyday means that one of us is out there making him do things he really DOESN'T want to do just to make sure he's getting sufficient exercise (I can tell you, little league provides virtually NO real exercise). Either his dad or I take him to the gym (he's 10 so he can do some machines now), but even when he was 6 we were making sure he was doing something everyday for exercise.

I guess I would look at this only in terms of what is the real problem: not getting exercise. But the not liking sports part...that really is something you need to come to terms with. Your son doesn't likie sports, and there is nothing wrong with him. He will find friends if he is friendly. They just might not be the sporty kids.

[Anonymous]

I can't tell you how many times we have tried to play sports with him. You are right, he needs physical exercise too. I have tried to bribe my son with various things to join me for a soccer game, to go bike riding, to play tennis (we don't really play, obviously, I just let him hit a few balls), catch...I have used chocolate, tv privileges, dinner at his favorite restaurant as various bribes. But how long can I keep bribing him? How on earth do I get him out the door when he's literally crying and yelling that he doesn't want to play any sports. All he wants to do is sit at home most of the time.

I have managed to get him to playgrounds however. He does enjoy going there. And occasionally I can persuade him to go to one of those bounce places.

Dad manages to take him swimming by telling him if he goes he gets a gold star. Four gold stars earn him a prize. Oftentimes he will say he'll forego the gold star though.

As for the pp who mentioned girl play dates. We are not averse to girl play dates. Around 4 or 5 many become too girly though and start playing house, asking DC to be the groom while they are the bride, and walk around carrying purses in their pretend play. I'm not really comfortable with DS emulating these behaviors and worried he will pick up on these in play. But DS will play with girls who are less girly at times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But that's just the thing, he isn't into ANY physical activity. We tried so many different activities. He is at peace to be at home playing withhis toys. Now other kids his age, our neighbor's kids, are starting to play more sports. He can't. So he has to just watch or go back home.

I don't want to force him into any sport. But if he doesn't enjoy at least one kind of sport won't he have a hard time making friends with other boys? Most boys like some kind of sport.

I wouldn't worry so much abou this issue. No, not all boys like to be physically active by playing sports with their friends. Some like to play with Legos. Some like to have just one friend and go fossil hunting or rock collecting. If ALL the neighborhood kids want to do is ride bikes and shoot baskets, then your son will have a hard time being friends with them But if they ever do other things, maybe your son can join them in those activities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't tell you how many times we have tried to play sports with him. You are right, he needs physical exercise too. I have tried to bribe my son with various things to join me for a soccer game, to go bike riding, to play tennis (we don't really play, obviously, I just let him hit a few balls), catch...I have used chocolate, tv privileges, dinner at his favorite restaurant as various bribes. But how long can I keep bribing him? How on earth do I get him out the door when he's literally crying and yelling that he doesn't want to play any sports. All he wants to do is sit at home most of the time.

I have managed to get him to playgrounds however. He does enjoy going there. And occasionally I can persuade him to go to one of those bounce places.

I would stop bribing him for these activities. It sounds like you are putting too much pressure on him. Go to playgrounds, maybe invite some friends to a bouncy castle. Enlist his help in coming up with ideas for activities that he would enjoy doing. Take the pressure off for a while.

[Anonymous]

I certainly wouldn't bribe him either. You are sending him the message that he should be doing these activities. There is not valid reason why he should play soccer or ride his bike instead of playing w/ cars or drawing or whatever. Simply taking walks or playing on the playground is enough physical activity. There doesn't need to be a sport involved. My son has played soccer and t-ball but he would rather play individual sports. If he wasn't interested at all, I certainly wouldn't push it. He also loves hiking and finding insects. Just follow his lead and make sure he gets enough fresh air and exercise (even if it is just running around on the playground).

[Anonymous]

I really would have him evaluated. I think that there might be some PT/OT/tone issue that is making things hard for him. I think that there also might be something social going on, the other boy running in the house sounds like more than "don't have the same exact interests". A friend had a child who also didn't like to leave the house, it had to so with someting about processing gravity so it was scary for him to move his body through space or being around other kids who were moving quickly. Bounce places provide a lot of sensory input, my friend has a mini rebounder trampoline - maybe your son would enjoy something like that? Her little boy has been doing OT since the fall and he seems MUCH happier and less anxious. The bonus of addressing any gross motor issues it that it helps with the fine motor stuff later.