Recommend a book that helped your marriage

[Anonymous]

His Needs Her Needs

[Anonymous]

Thanks all. OP/DW here. Yes, since having kids I am low drive and resentful of his level of involvement. He is a great man and loves his kids but chooses to take on projects (for example unnecessary-IMO- landscaping of the backyard when we have a newborn) that end up with me doing the majority of the parenting. I then become exhausted (oh BTW I'm the breadwinner too) and resentful and "touched out" and just want to go to bed and sleep. He wants to talk about our issues and fix them, but at this point I'm kind of over it. We don't have fights, really, and get along well at least on the surface.

I'll give some of these books a shot. Books were his idea, BTW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. OP/DW here. Yes, since having kids I am low drive and resentful of his level of involvement. He is a great man and loves his kids but chooses to take on projects (for example unnecessary-IMO- landscaping of the backyard when we have a newborn) that end up with me doing the majority of the parenting. I then become exhausted (oh BTW I'm the breadwinner too) and resentful and "touched out" and just want to go to bed and sleep. He wants to talk about our issues and fix them, but at this point I'm kind of over it. We don't have fights, really, and get along well at least on the surface.

I'll give some of these books a shot. Books were his idea, BTW.

Resentment is going to kill you. That touched out feeling does diminish after a while, but don't let your resentments fester. I strongly recommend therapy. Somebody suggested EFT (emotionally focused therapy) on a thread, try that. You guys need to talk about this NOW and make some changes. Because you are on the path to disengagement and not giving a flying f*** about your husband. (I say as one who has been there).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. OP/DW here. Yes, since having kids I am low drive and resentful of his level of involvement. He is a great man and loves his kids but chooses to take on projects (for example unnecessary-IMO- landscaping of the backyard when we have a newborn) that end up with me doing the majority of the parenting. I then become exhausted (oh BTW I'm the breadwinner too) and resentful and "touched out" and just want to go to bed and sleep. He wants to talk about our issues and fix them, but at this point I'm kind of over it. We don't have fights, really, and get along well at least on the surface.

I'll give some of these books a shot. Books were his idea, BTW.

Resentment is going to kill you. That touched out feeling does diminish after a while, but don't let your resentments fester. I strongly recommend therapy. Somebody suggested EFT (emotionally focused therapy) on a thread, try that. You guys need to talk about this NOW and make some changes. Because you are on the path to disengagement and not giving a flying f*** about your husband. (I say as one who has been there).

Yikes. I'm really close to that point!

[Anonymous]

The Longest Day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. OP/DW here. Yes, since having kids I am low drive and resentful of his level of involvement. He is a great man and loves his kids but chooses to take on projects (for example unnecessary-IMO- landscaping of the backyard when we have a newborn) that end up with me doing the majority of the parenting. I then become exhausted (oh BTW I'm the breadwinner too) and resentful and "touched out" and just want to go to bed and sleep. He wants to talk about our issues and fix them, but at this point I'm kind of over it. We don't have fights, really, and get along well at least on the surface.

I'll give some of these books a shot. Books were his idea, BTW.

Resentment is going to kill you. That touched out feeling does diminish after a while, but don't let your resentments fester. I strongly recommend therapy. Somebody suggested EFT (emotionally focused therapy) on a thread, try that. You guys need to talk about this NOW and make some changes. Because you are on the path to disengagement and not giving a flying f*** about your husband. (I say as one who has been there).

+1.

Books are good, and I also recommend the Five Love Languages, especially for your husband to read. Might help your sex life if he reads it and tries to "fill up your love tank."

But for you, getting over the resentment needs to be priority number one.

[Anonymous]

Patrick O'Brien's entire Jack Aubrey series, some 20 odd books. Being with Aubrey on a British frigate during the Napoleonic Wars was perfect escapism from the monster my wife was in the early years of our now 17 year marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Patrick O'Brien's entire Jack Aubrey series, some 20 odd books. Being with Aubrey on a British frigate during the Napoleonic Wars was perfect escapism from the monster my wife was in the early years of our now 17 year marriage.

Ironically, this series happened to be on my PhD oral exam when asked by a MIT professor. Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Longest Day

How about the New Yorker for its cartoons? Even when I'm really pissed at my husband, if he shows me a funny cartoon, I'll laugh and things will feels a little less dire.

[Anonymous]

Gottman, Gottman, Gottman!!