Bipolar

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone consider controlled and medicated bipolar to be a deal breaker?

The problem as I see it from people I know who have been diagnosed bipolar is that they aren't always controlled. Things change and there are episodes again which I'm not sure I'd want to deal with in a partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone consider controlled and medicated bipolar to be a deal breaker?

I am gong to be completely honest, the mood swings were really difficult. I would proceed with caution the next time if I met someone who revealed that to me early on.

And if they waited and revealed later?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When should I tell the man that I'm dating that I'm bipolar? I'm on medication and haven't had any episodes of mood swings in 3 years.

About a week ago, he made a joke about his colleague being bipolar, and I just laughed it off. That was probably the ideal time to reveal that I'm bipolar, but I was too nervous.

I'm not sure if this matters, but I'm bipolar 2.

Also do you think I should reveal that I binge eat sometimes and that I'm dyslexic. I just feel like this is a lot to take in.

Btw, I've been dating him for about 6 weeks.

Six weeks? Nah. I would say wait till you've both gotten to know each other more. Let him see how you act over a long period of time. But I would probably tell him before moving in together. I have BP1 and that's what I would do. Except, any guy who's been with me for six weeks would know something is up I think lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone consider controlled and medicated bipolar to be a deal breaker?

I am gong to be completely honest, the mood swings were really difficult. I would proceed with caution the next time if I met someone who revealed that to me early on.

Did the person you dated have bipolar 1 or bipolar 2? From my experience, those with bipolar 2 not only have , by definition, less severe mood swings/other symptoms but are also more likely to consistantly take their medication as prescribed & to become either asymptomatic or reasonably close to it when they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone consider controlled and medicated bipolar to be a deal breaker?

I am gong to be completely honest, the mood swings were really difficult. I would proceed with caution the next time if I met someone who revealed that to me early on.

Did the person you dated have bipolar 1 or bipolar 2? From my experience, those with bipolar 2 not only have , by definition, less severe mood swings/other symptoms but are also more likely to consistantly take their medication as prescribed & to become either asymptomatic or reasonably close to it when they do.

My ex is BP2. If anything BP2 was harder than BP1. With BP1 you get the kind of frank mania and delusions which mean that everyone knows that the problem is mental illness. With BP2, exDH was highly functional and most of his crazy behavior could be normalized in some fashion which meant he wasn't willing to admit that the illness was the real problem. Sounds counter-intuitive, I know.

Honestly, if would not date a bipolar again. I am still recovering from the wreckage of my life during that period. I do not have the emotional or financial reserves to deal with that situation again. As a PP said, relapse is very likely with BP. I respect the BP person, but I am careful to put my own oxygen mask on first after that experience.

Maybe if I were richer or had a more stable, flexible career, I could manage such a relationship. But, now, no.

And if someone hid this from me for 6 months that would be an absolute deal breaker for me. One thing I learned is that the people in my life have to be upfront and open about who they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that he made a joke about someone being bipolar shows that he may not be very educated or open minded regarding mental illness. Or maybe he just needs someone to tell him once that jokes like that aren't okay, and he'll cut it out.

Great point! He likely is ignorant on the subject and would benefit from some nonjudgmental guidance.

Or he has experience with psychiatrists and psych units in northern VA, spent years with a wonderful woman who suffered from the disease, and one day had to tell their kid that her mom committed suicide. And whose suggestion, based on experience, is merely to not share too early.

[Anonymous]

Eek, I'd tell him. Personally, I'd never get in a serious relationship with someone who is bipolar. I know it sounds harsh, but relationships are hard enough without throwing that mess in the mix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone consider controlled and medicated bipolar to be a deal breaker?

Absolutly a no-go. No way, no how. Mainly i would never consider having kids with them. My father is bipolar and im terrified of passing those genes along as it is. I dont want to pile on. Plus there is absolutely no guarantee that it will remain controlled and living with this is a nightmare and I'd never knowingly bring kids into a world where a parent is BP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I usually think 6 weeks to 3 months is the time to have those talks.

+1 I think that now that he's revealed some attitudes based on his joke, the time has come to disclose. This could be a dealbreaker, in which case you don't want to get any more emotionally invested in him, and it could also be a nothingburger, in which case: why spend the next 6-8 weeks worrying about him taking it badly?

Warm wishes OP: this is a tough thing to reveal.

[Anonymous]

This thread is interesting. I have an std so I worry a lot more about telling potential partners about that than my bipolar. I had never even considered telling about the bipolar actually. I mean, is there a point in dating where we sit someone down and tell them every awful thing about ourselves? Where do you draw the line? In my case I don't think j would make a point of disclosing bipolar. I'm beyond childbearing so genetics are not an issue. I ghink I would just let things progress as they normally do and let him get to know me without putting a label on myself for him that may or may not have anything to do with my course of the disease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is interesting. I have an std so I worry a lot more about telling potential partners about that than my bipolar. I had never even considered telling about the bipolar actually. I mean, is there a point in dating where we sit someone down and tell them every awful thing about ourselves? Where do you draw the line? In my case I don't think j would make a point of disclosing bipolar. I'm beyond childbearing so genetics are not an issue. I ghink I would just let things progress as they normally do and let him get to know me without putting a label on myself for him that may or may not have anything to do with my course of the disease.

I think it works like this for any disclosure: you have a duty to disclose things which may impact the relationship.

I don't think you have a duty to disclose your STD or BP just to go on a few casual dates with someone - they don't need to know because they're at no risk of contracting it.

However, if you're having sex...then that changes...and with the BP, I think it matters if you're going to have a long-term relationship with them. When a person makes themselves emotionally vulnerable to you, then they make themselves vulnerable to your mood swings and emotions. This is absolutely no different than exposing their genitals to risk of an STD - no you can't catch BP, but you can certainly be emotionally injured by it.

I don't think the OP needs to tell "every awful thing about themselves" to partners - I certainly don't disclose "every awful thing" about me that I've ever done to my DW, but those are all things in the ancient past which are never ever going to come up again or affect her in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone consider controlled and medicated bipolar to be a deal breaker?

I am gong to be completely honest, the mood swings were really difficult. I would proceed with caution the next time if I met someone who revealed that to me early on.

Did the person you dated have bipolar 1 or bipolar 2? From my experience, those with bipolar 2 not only have , by definition, less severe mood swings/other symptoms but are also more likely to consistantly take their medication as prescribed & to become either asymptomatic or reasonably close to it when they do.

BP 2. Mood swings were difficult but the depression was worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone consider controlled and medicated bipolar to be a deal breaker?

Yes: stupid people, who think that someone's known issue is more of a dealbreaker than their own latent shadow issues.

Everybody has issues. People who don't think they themselves do tend to judge people who make their issues plain. It's a means of psychological self-defense, if a pathetic one.

Everybody comes with strings. Every relationship comes with risks. Attempting to avoid risk in a relationship is really dumb, when you think of it.

Unless, of course, you're smart enough to be thinking/talking about how to mitigate the risk YOU may pose to the other party. That's maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone consider controlled and medicated bipolar to be a deal breaker?

Yes: stupid people, who think that someone's known issue is more of a dealbreaker than their own latent shadow issues.

Everybody has issues. People who don't think they themselves do tend to judge people who make their issues plain. It's a means of psychological self-defense, if a pathetic one.

Everybody comes with strings. Every relationship comes with risks. Attempting to avoid risk in a relationship is really dumb, when you think of it.

Unless, of course, you're smart enough to be thinking/talking about how to mitigate the risk YOU may pose to the other party. That's maturity.

Not everyone is BP. Sorry, but they often leave a path of destruction in their wake. I know this having HAD a relationship with a known "medicated " BP. They can't help the way they are, but that doesnt mean im going to expose myself to one knowingly ever again. They carnage and wreckage they leave behind is not within the realm of tolearble issues anyone in their right mind should have to put up with.

[Anonymous]

So Op, just in case you're discouraged by the replies here, I want to remind you that bipolar is not all bad. For every one person who commits suicide there are four people who don't. And they're high energy, highly intelligent, creative, friendly, high libido people. Google world leaders with bipolar, or success and bipolar. It's interesting and hopeful.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2006/09/27/top-ten-terrific-things-about-bipolar-disorder/