Should we invite atheist family to First Communion?

[Anonymous]

Their behavior is terrible. OP, do you have any atheist relatives who could tell them not to be assholes about this? Because difference of opinion is absolutely no excuse for their rudeness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another atheist who would not invite them. They sound awful.

Agreed. They sound like obnoxious people regardless of their beliefs.

I wouldn't invite them to any of it. They are disrespectful and rude.

[Anonymous]

Is this just about FB postings, or have they said things in person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this just about FB postings, or have they said things in person?

If someone mentions praying, they have to interject that they don't believe in praying. Or, a family member was dying and they were offended when someone prayed, saying if there was a god they wouldn't be dying, which hurt that persons feelings. Always having to say their opposing views, that organized religion is brainwashing. Telling the person who speaks of their religious beliefs that they don't believe in them. That's "their opinion". Stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

This has nothing to do with religion. OP hates her inlaws and doesn't want them. Instead of being honest she is hiding behind religion. Isn't Christianity supposed to be accepting of all and loving? This isn't very Christian like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has nothing to do with religion. OP hates her inlaws and doesn't want them. Instead of being honest she is hiding behind religion. Isn't Christianity supposed to be accepting of all and loving? This isn't very Christian like.

Looks like this thread triggered all your squashed memories of you being an asshole in the name of your beliefs and not wanting to admit it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this just about FB postings, or have they said things in person?

If someone mentions praying, they have to interject that they don't believe in praying. Or, a family member was dying and they were offended when someone prayed, saying if there was a god they wouldn't be dying, which hurt that persons feelings. Always having to say their opposing views, that organized religion is brainwashing. Telling the person who speaks of their religious beliefs that they don't believe in them. That's "their opinion". Stuff like that.

if they were just regular atheists who are respectful and polite then of course I would invite them after all they are your husband's parents. But it doesn't sound like they would want to be there and it sounds like they would actively try to say nasty things. I would find a way to not invite them. What does your husband say ?

[Anonymous]

I agree with not inviting them. My BFF just dealt with it in a way that I thought was very classy. She didn't do a party afterward so no one was "excluded" from anything -- of course they were welcome to the church event, but so were 100s of other strangers.

As I fellow, proud atheist, I have to agree that it's different to be outspoken on political issues of religion (please remove it from our government) versus at a personal rite of passage tradition like First Communion. Proselytizing Christians similarly don't do their proselytizing at a Bar Mitzvah. They save it for the other 364 days of the year. Otherwise, that is just plain rude. The issue is not your IL being outspoken on issues, but the idea that they would do it as a religious event.

[Anonymous]

Yes you should invite them to a family event.

You should "honor your mother and father" even when they are jerks.

That being said, I have sent invitations to my very large Catholic family, 1/2 of which are non-practicing and most did not marry Catholics.

"You are welcome to join in this religious celebration. But I understand that our family is large and you can't come to every event. We understand that many of you will not be able to come. We will miss you but understand. Please let us know by the Wednesday before the event so we can make reservations for the correct amount of people."

My family know that I mean it, I don't need them to come out of obligation or to attend a religious event they find ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm atheist and think their behavior is awful. Don't invite them to the ceremony. You should be focused on your daughter that day and not on worrying about what they'll say.

OP here. It's as though people practicing religion effects them personally. I could care less what they believe in, and would never even make a comment, but they feel they have to interject at any mention of religion.

But won't they feel hurt if you don't invite them? Even if they don't want to come? Or perhaps you could tell them First Communion is on such and such day, you know they aren't into that so you won't be offended if they choose not to come, but perhaps they would like to join you afterwards for lunch/dinner at x place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL and FIL are openly atheist, and have tendencies to be outspoken and rude/hurtful to other family members who are Christian -although they have not voiced opinions in regards to my husbands and my religious choices. They disagree with, do not support, or feel comfortable around anything religious. They attended our daughters baptism, but saw it only as a family function.

Fast forward seven years, our daughter will have her First Communion in November. In those seven years, I have listened to and watched (FB post comments, etc.) a rudeness I can't believe. My MIL and FIL are horribly rude and blatantly disrespectful to religious beliefs, other than being atheist of course. I really don't want to have them anywhere near my daughter on this special (to us) day. They don't believe in it, don't like it, and I don't know why they would come, other than, again, to get together with the extended family. I have no issue not having a party at all, just taking DD to dinner with supportive family and friends afterwards.

Am I being irrational?

Your issue isn't that they are atheist, it's that they are rude as hell. I'm atheist and have been invited to plenty of religious ceremonies of our friends, and I know to sit down and lower my eyes, and then congratulate the host sincerely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But won't they feel hurt if you don't invite them? Even if they don't want to come? Or perhaps you could tell them First Communion is on such and such day, you know they aren't into that so you won't be offended if they choose not to come, but perhaps they would like to join you afterwards for lunch/dinner at x place.

"Won't they feel hurt if you don't invite them?" PP, think this through. Life is about consequences for one's actions. That's what a lot of parenting is about, teaching children that actions have consequences, and sometimes consequences hurt their feelings. This is true for everybody, and often, people who are rude--bullies, which is what they are--are that way because no one puts a boundary in; everyone suffers rather than give them a reasonable consequence for their bad behavior. Did you read what OP wrote about how someone was DYING and someone else said a prayer and they ADMONISHED that person. That's INSANE and that kind of behavior or mindset has NO PLACE at a child's First Communion.

And agree with other PP; evangelicals don't preach at bar mitzvahs....it's all the same. It's about if you show up, you be respectful. The problem with these people (the ILs) is that in the past, they have shown up and have not been respectful. I hope, for the sake of OP, and in particular for her DD, she creates a boundary.

[Anonymous]

^^and here's something else. My DH and my brother's DW got into a family fight (honestly, my brother's DW is a nut job and my DH finally called her out on it)...

anyways but one of our kids, and then the next year, one of their kids, was having a First Communion, and you bet both families showed up and acted respectfully. And there were a couple of birthday celebrations in there as well. That's what you do, you show up, you act respectfully, or you don't show up. People who can't seem to be able to "get that" or "do that" should not be invited.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you ask them? Frame it as being sensitive to their views: "Larla is having her First Communion soon, and we are having people over afterwards. I know that you don't like the religious stuff and it makes you uncomfortable, so I wasn't sure whether you would like to come or not. I don't want to make you feel like you have to participate in something that upsets you or offends you. I wouldn't want anyone to feel unhappy or uncomfortable at the Mass or the party afterwards. It's a celebration for us, and we want you to feel like you are celebrating, too. So would you like to come or would you rather skip it? We are okay with you skipping if you don't feel like it. Larla knows that you love her a lot and will understand."

[Anonymous]

Invite them to the party afterwards but don't invite to church.