Do you still hang out with married friends after you're divorced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I try to be a good friend but sometimes it's hard. I have a divorcing friend who seeks a lot of validation of her choice and I can't provide it. Her DC has an anxiety problem which seems to have worsened, but she thinks it doesn't need to be addressed, and she is very financially over optimistic. I know I should just listen nonjudgmentally, but it's toughard.

I feel ya. Normally I'm ok staying friends with at least one half of the couple, but it's hard with certain specific people. Also if someone cheated, I just can't deal. It takes me back to being a teenager and catching my mom cheating. It's my baggage not theirs, but I can't deal. And one friend lied to me to facilitate her affair, not that anything bad happened as a result, but friends don't lie to friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Close friends I still see, though I definitely get invited to fewer events and activities, for whatever reason.

Newer "friends" like parents from school completely froze us both out. I definitely felt like there was a "keep away from them" mentality.

It actually has been hard to make good new friends, because the single women I meet who have time to do things generally have never been married and don't have kids. This doesn't bother me, but it seems like they feel that this is too great of a divide between us.

OP here, I have the same issue!

[Anonymous]

It could be a perception issue. You have changed and so has your social life/availability, but they haven't nor have their social habits. They have no desire to increase the frequency of girls night out; they still want to hang at home with hubby like they always did.

If you are saying they used to host a regular thing, and you used to be invited, but now you aren't, that is different.

[Anonymous]

Some of my friends showed that they are true friends. But others dropped off. The disappointing thing is that my husband was abusive, and they went from sympathizing with me, to trying to talk to me to convince me he's changed, to not talking to me. So they obviously weren't true friends to begin with. It sucks though.

[Anonymous]

I definitely got dropped by some friends and even a family member. These are people who don't "approve" of divorce. At the time their rejection was very hurtful and confusing to me - it really threw me. Perhaps I was too emotional, overstated and was a handful. I don't know. But I managed to survive without these people in my life.
I liked developing new friendships as my "new" divorced self - with less judgemental people of course. Anyway I don't really want to socialize with people that think of me as part of a couple that I am no longer a part of.
When I separated I was told that an attractive divorced woman is a threat and that I would lose married friends simply because I became a "threat." shitty but probably accurate.

[Anonymous]

Completely relate. I lost a lot of friends in my divorce. It's not even like people necessarily chose sides (although some blatantly did), but it seemed to be a sort of parting since the marrieds seem to want to stay with marrieds. We were first in crowd to divorce, so that didn't help. And, unfortunately, I had been friends mostly with his friends for many years, so that made it more awkward.

Even 5 years later, I find it really hard to make new friends as a divorced mom, since I am a single parent half the time, and a single woman half the time. My boyfriend is long-distance, so there's that, too.

[Anonymous]

Did you do the same to your single friends once you got married? Single friends often end up buying gifts for a bride, get an invite to the first baby shower, and then rarely/never hear from their married gf again.

I'm pretty fortunate, because my friends are single/married/kids/no kids/hetro to homosexual relationships. We've had statuses change within the group (single to married to divorce) and the core group is essentially the same. The only "friends" I've lost were situational gfs...the ones I met at a new moms class, for example.

I just find it interesting that you didn't have any single girlfriends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you do the same to your single friends once you got married? Single friends often end up buying gifts for a bride, get an invite to the first baby shower, and then rarely/never hear from their married gf again.

I'm pretty fortunate, because my friends are single/married/kids/no kids/hetro to homosexual relationships. We've had statuses change within the group (single to married to divorce) and the core group is essentially the same. The only "friends" I've lost were situational gfs...the ones I met at a new moms class, for example.

I just find it interesting that you didn't have any single girlfriends.

Not the PP, but we moved after having kids and new friends were mostly made at kids' school, activities, sports teams, etc. Our single friends are back where we used to live, or have moved elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you do the same to your single friends once you got married? Single friends often end up buying gifts for a bride, get an invite to the first baby shower, and then rarely/never hear from their married gf again.

I'm pretty fortunate, because my friends are single/married/kids/no kids/hetro to homosexual relationships. We've had statuses change within the group (single to married to divorce) and the core group is essentially the same. The only "friends" I've lost were situational gfs...the ones I met at a new moms class, for example.

I just find it interesting that you didn't have any single girlfriends.

When I got married, some of my girlfriends were still single and we still hung out occasionally. They're all married now that's why I no longer have single girlfriends.

[Anonymous]

"When I separated I was told that an attractive divorced woman is a threat and that I would lose married friends simply because I became a "threat." shitty but probably accurate."

Definitely the vibe I get from some of the moms at school. And frankly, I've had some of the dads give me kisses on the cheek or be a tad too friendly towards me, so they may be right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"When I separated I was told that an attractive divorced woman is a threat and that I would lose married friends simply because I became a "threat." shitty but probably accurate."

Definitely the vibe I get from some of the moms at school. And frankly, I've had some of the dads give me kisses on the cheek or be a tad too friendly towards me, so they may be right.

I think soccer dads are like this with any fit, attractive woman. I'm married and get this often. It's repulsive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"When I separated I was told that an attractive divorced woman is a threat and that I would lose married friends simply because I became a "threat." shitty but probably accurate."

Definitely the vibe I get from some of the moms at school. And frankly, I've had some of the dads give me kisses on the cheek or be a tad too friendly towards me, so they may be right.

I think soccer dads are like this with any fit, attractive woman. I'm married and get this often. It's repulsive.

Oh, please its a two way street. I'm a divorced soccer dad and frequently get hit on by married soccer moms. They are probably on this site complaining about a lack of affection from the husbands. Losing friends post divorce is part of the cost of divorce. Painful, but true. There is no easy solution to building a new group of friends. If I had a solution I'd market it.

[charliegirl816]

I moved out of state after my divorce. The new friends I made through church were married, widowed and single. I have since moved back to the same street from my ex (we are still single) and mil. We have a good relationship, but it took time. I do not have a relationship with most of our married friends because they there his friends and I divorced him. I have joined a bible study group that is mostly married couples with kids, so I will see what friendships that may form from this group. I feel the key is finding commonality with women in general.

[Anonymous]

charliegirl816 wrote:I moved out of state after my divorce. The new friends I made through church were married, widowed and single. I have since moved back to the same street from my ex (we are still single) and mil. We have a good relationship, but it took time. I do not have a relationship with most of our married friends because they there his friends and I divorced him. I have joined a bible study group that is mostly married couples with kids, so I will see what friendships that may form from this group. I feel the key is finding commonality with women in general.

I may try that. I joined a new church a few months ago and my daughter is in the youth choir so maybe I can try to befriend some of the other parents.

[Anonymous]

My married friends ditched me. The men aren't going to call an unmarried woman. And the women don't want you around.