What Should I Do For A Friend With A VERY Premature Baby?

[Anonymous]

My brother had a very premature baby, and they live back in the midwest so we were also at a loss on what to do for them.

We ended up sending them a card of congratulations and a gift card to the merry maids. They were spending a lot of time at the hospital and didn't want to be worrying about the state of their house. Most maid services will do a 1 time cleaning without an extended contract, so you might want to consider this.

[Anonymous]

My best friend delivered twins in Atlanta 3 months early - the 2 lb little boy died almost immediately but the 1 lb 4 oz little girl hung in there in the NICU. My friend was devastated of course but also hopeful. Her beautiful little girl is now 8 years old and has two wonderful little sisters. She has no special health issues at all. At the time, I got myself down there and visited her and the baby in the hospital for a weekend. I congratulated my friend and her husband whole heartedly at becoming a mom and dad and reassured them as best I could that the baby was going to be okay. I also sent some soothing baby CDs to play to the baby - which I afterwards learned was a bad call b/c they are kept at that age in as quiet an environment as possible to simulate the womb. So - my advice is don't give the baby anything now b/c there is nothing the baby can use while in the hospital and the baby will be there for several months. If you can swing a weekend visit to celebrate do so. If you can't send prepared meals to the parents - prepared meals are always appreciated by people too busy to take care of their own needs. Most importantly, congratulate and reassure your friend -- tell her my friend's story. Babies born under these conditions can thrive.

[Anonymous]

I had a preemie - he was 32 weeks, so he wasn't that early. He only spent 2 weeks in the hospital, but those 2 weeks were really exhausting. There is ZERO time to grocery shop, or prepare meals, or clean etc. A friend from out of town sent us these casseroles from a meal service and I cried when I saw them. We could get home from the hospital at night and just heat them up - it was perfect. Other friends later brought over food, but the food that was delivered early on was a life saver. I also like a previous poster's suggestion of a cleaning service.

Absolutely congratulate your friend!

[Anonymous]

We had friends who delivered a preemie in the week 20s as well with severe heart problems. They too were out of state so we decided since they would be camped out on an air mattress in the hospital and the Ronald McDonald House for a few months, to send them a care package.

We sent a card but kept it upbeat - no congratulations or I'm sorry, just thinking of you, can't wait to meet the baby, and thought you could use these things since you're away from home.

Care package had stuff like nice teas, chocolates, healthy snacks, and we included a book on infant massage with a section on preemies and the "Guess How Much I Love You" book for the baby. Basically we wanted to send the message that we were fully expecting the baby to recover - since they had a web site and were giving out that vibe in their postings, realistic but hopeful the baby would be okay.

A year later, the baby is doing great and her heart is fully repaired. She will get checked on the rest of her life but is expected to live a normal healthy life.

There is so much they can do with premature babies now, so there is a lot of hope.

[Anonymous]

I am a mom of a baby girl born in the 24th week.

As previous posters have said, definitely send a card or an email or call them to let them know you are thinking of them. I agree on holding off on the baby gift until they are discharged.

Again, food delivery is key. IMHO dont send "towers" or apples, oranges, etc. Send gift certificates for restaurants or take out taxi. Or drop off dinner -- the cake and candy is a waste and just gets brought into the NICU for all nurses.

Prayers, Prayers and more prayers help - no matter your religion

[Anonymous]

As the mother of a daughter born at 26 weeks and 3 days, I found that the most helpful things friends did for us was to visit us and our DD in the NICU and to bring us food. One good friend, who herself was the mother of a micropreemie, gave us the very thoughtful gifts of a book on Preemies and a blanket with DD's name and birthdate on it.

As another poster said, this likely is the most challenging time that your friend has ever faced. I think that she and her family will appreciate your caring thoughts and that you're making the effort to help them through this.

[Anonymous]

My daughter was born at 25 weeks and is 4 now and doing so well, never would know she was a preemie. I personally think that at this point clothes are a waste because for the first few weeks in the NICU, the baby is in just a diaper or hospital clothes and once they go home they tend to catch up weight wise quickly, plus most moms keep the baby at home to keep germs away, so other than a few preemie outfits, it's just not worth it.

My suggestion would be a lovely journal and pens so your friend can keep track of milestones each day or meetings with the doctors, a disposable camera so pictures can be taken, a book about preemies such as, The Essential Guide for Parents of Premature Babies by Dana Linden, there are some others out there also. A care package of good unscented lotions because all you do as a preemie mom is wash your hands, some nursing tanks (these benefitted me greatly because at some point she will be able to hold the baby and they help so much not just for breastfeeding, gas cards, maybe even a check unless they are wealthy because since this wasn't planned she may have to take even longer off and may need some extra money for breakfast and lunch at the hospital each day or to pay a bill.

Also, a listening ear. And a quick visit if you have the funds or if a group of girlfriends could get together and send your friend's mom to help her out or send one of you for a visit. In my case, my husband went back to work 2 weeks after the birth and I was on my own during the day and some company from time to time really helped.

Just my thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Congratulate them! Preemie clothes (Carter's), blankets, hats are all appropriate items. newborn diapers. Don't say things like 'he'll be just fine.' Lend a ear and offer moral support. Sending food, or starbucks gift cards (or whatever is close to the hospital). hand lotion and hand sanitizer. preemie parenting books if they don't already have it. it's a roller coaster ride and very difficult to relate to people during that time and even after.

[Anonymous]

I would send flowers now and definitely congratulate them, but maybe wait on a an actual gift. If you could some how arrange for a food service to bring them food, that would be a huge help. I only had a preemie in the hospital for 2 weeks, but it's exhausting being there all day and there was definitely no time to go to the grocery store etc.

[Anonymous]

I flew to CA to help a friend who had a very sick newborn. My job was to help as much as possible with the other kids so mom, dad and grandparents could be at the hospital. I too wanted a gift but I decided on an engraved gift from Tiffany just in case the little guy didn't make it. He did - he's 5 now and kind of a rock star!

[Anonymous]

My neighbor had an extreme premature baby with many complications and was in the hospital for 3 months. He also had a return appreance after coming home. We sent congratulations cards (and a gift blanket) because she had a baby and we wanted to celebrate.

We also sent her a certifiate to pea pod (which is a guess the food delivery service for a food store). After being in the hospital it allowed them to have groceries delievered to the house so they had something to come home to eat (for the times they just didn't want to sit in a resteraunt). Other friends gave them gift certificates to the local hospital resteraunts.

[Anonymous]

I forgot, I also set her up with a friend of mine who had premie twins (very early) who now had thriving 6 year olds - so she could see in person a sucess story. It made her feel better to see happiness at the end of the tunnel, her son is now doing great at 6 months.

[Anonymous]

Food! I was just talking with a friend whose son was born at 33 weeks, and she said the hardest part was finding time to EAT (which was extra important because she was trying to pump to keep her supply going until DS could BF).

So anything you can do to send food. Prepared meal services, gift cards for nearby restaurants that will deliver either to their home or to the hospital, even care packages with grab-and-go foods like protein bars or granola bars etc.

By the way, our friend's son is now almost 5 and he's doing great. No signs of health issues or delays.

Good luck to your friend!!

[Anonymous]

My friends had a baby that was in the NICU for a month, not a preemie but many other issues. I sent gift cards to the restaurants/coffee shops that were in the hospital, among other things for the family and siblings. When I got up there to see her, she and everyone in her family commented on those gift cards. Dunkin' Donuts apparently was a big hit. I had posted a similar question on here and very much wanted to send food, but they were 45 minutes away from their home (best NICU in the state) and I couldn't find any delivery I liked... so coffee at the hospital it was.

[Anonymous]

I had preemie twins who both had stays in the NICU. I'll reiterate what everyone else has already said - send food! Already prepared food! I did not want to waste one minute cooking or even shopping for food.

I needed food for dinners but also quick food that I could grab to eat all day at the hospital so I didn't have to stray too far from the babies (and in those early days, so I didn't have to walk across the hospital while recovering from my c-section).