Mother of my son's friend is penalizing my son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wonder how your son is feeling the brunt of it - or if he really is.

You never know what's going on in the life of other parents and it may just be that she's been too busy to respond to the evite or she's trying to figure out a conflict and doesn't want to respond until she does. For budget and work reasons, we made some significant changes to our household schedule this school year and its changed the way we do things on weekends as well.

All that to say, there are too many other possibilities to conclude that it's all about something you said or did.

PP again. I meant to add that you might send her an email and ask directly, saying that your son is looking forward to seeing hers.

+ 1 -- I would also try just sending her a passive aggressive email that your son was hoping/looking forward to seeing her son at the birthday party or whatever. Or being very passive aggressive and inviting their family over for dinner. (in the spirit of trying to not restrict the kids from being friends)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wonder how your son is feeling the brunt of it - or if he really is.

You never know what's going on in the life of other parents and it may just be that she's been too busy to respond to the evite or she's trying to figure out a conflict and doesn't want to respond until she does. For budget and work reasons, we made some significant changes to our household schedule this school year and its changed the way we do things on weekends as well.

All that to say, there are too many other possibilities to conclude that it's all about something you said or did.

PP again. I meant to add that you might send her an email and ask directly, saying that your son is looking forward to seeing hers.

+ 1 -- I would also try just sending her a passive aggressive email that your son was hoping/looking forward to seeing her son at the birthday party or whatever. Or being very passive aggressive and inviting their family over for dinner. (in the spirit of trying to not restrict the kids from being friends)

No. This never works. She will ignore you longer and harder for that. Really you just have to get over it and move on. You have no idea what is going on in her head or her life. Leave the woman alone.

[Anonymous]

I find that parents who are like this have issues that you do not want to get entangled with. Do not exacerbate the drama. In the end, you will be glad you took the high road. I have kids who are now in MS and HS, and the parents (sadly, mostly moms) who engaged in these sorts of petty mean behaviors end up developing bad reputations. You want to be known as a kind, fair, and balanced parent--not the drama queen with the issues.

[Anonymous]

+ 1 -- I would also try just sending her a passive aggressive email that your son was hoping/looking forward to seeing her son at the birthday party or whatever. Or being very passive aggressive and inviting their family over for dinner. (in the spirit of trying to not restrict the kids from being friends)

What on earth would that accomplish? OP, I would try calling, rather than emailing, to invite her son for a one on one play date. If she's not open to that, just let the situation drop, they can see each other at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find that parents who are like this have issues that you do not want to get entangled with. Do not exacerbate the drama. In the end, you will be glad you took the high road. I have kids who are now in MS and HS, and the parents (sadly, mostly moms) who engaged in these sorts of petty mean behaviors end up developing bad reputations. You want to be known as a kind, fair, and balanced parent--not the drama queen with the issues.

This. Oh my god, this x a million !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I believe Mom X is annoyed with me because of a PTA incident last year. Mom X ran a finance committee, and I told her that I thought the PTA was too focused on certain topics covered by her committee. Meetings were focused almost exclusively on money. While money is a very important topic, I thought we should expand the time spent on areas such as new activities for the kids, issues with teachers, etc.

At the time I thought I had made it clear that I didn't intend for my remarks to be in any way a criticism of her committee leadership. I told her several times that she was doing a great job.

She hasn't spoken with me (or responded to emails) since my remarks, so I'm guessing that she's still pissed about my comments.

Oh dear God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find that parents who are like this have issues that you do not want to get entangled with. Do not exacerbate the drama. In the end, you will be glad you took the high road. I have kids who are now in MS and HS, and the parents (sadly, mostly moms) who engaged in these sorts of petty mean behaviors end up developing bad reputations. You want to be known as a kind, fair, and balanced parent--not the drama queen with the issues.

This. Oh my god, this x a million !

These moms have NO LIFE. NONE AT ALL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wonder how your son is feeling the brunt of it - or if he really is.

You never know what's going on in the life of other parents and it may just be that she's been too busy to respond to the evite or she's trying to figure out a conflict and doesn't want to respond until she does. For budget and work reasons, we made some significant changes to our household schedule this school year and its changed the way we do things on weekends as well.

All that to say, there are too many other possibilities to conclude that it's all about something you said or did.

PP makes a good point. Plus it's entirely possible that her son doesn't want to play with your kid anymore and mom is accommodating that. I mean from what you say it wouldn't surprise me if it was the interaction you had over the PTA but it could also be a lot of other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I believe Mom X is annoyed with me because of a PTA incident last year. Mom X ran a finance committee, and I told her that I thought the PTA was too focused on certain topics covered by her committee. Meetings were focused almost exclusively on money. While money is a very important topic, I thought we should expand the time spent on areas such as new activities for the kids, issues with teachers, etc.

At the time I thought I had made it clear that I didn't intend for my remarks to be in any way a criticism of her committee leadership. I told her several times that she was doing a great job.

She hasn't spoken with me (or responded to emails) since my remarks, so I'm guessing that she's still pissed about my comments.

You are nuts. The PTA isn't a place to discuss "issues with teachers" it really is about raising money and then allocating that money. If I were on the finance committee (which I am not because it looks like it would be a ton of work) I would really be annoyed at your comment. I would love to hear the other mom's version.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I believe Mom X is annoyed with me because of a PTA incident last year. Mom X ran a finance committee, and I told her that I thought the PTA was too focused on certain topics covered by her committee. Meetings were focused almost exclusively on money. While money is a very important topic, I thought we should expand the time spent on areas such as new activities for the kids, issues with teachers, etc.

At the time I thought I had made it clear that I didn't intend for my remarks to be in any way a criticism of her committee leadership. I told her several times that she was doing a great job.

She hasn't spoken with me (or responded to emails) since my remarks, so I'm guessing that she's still pissed about my comments.

You are nuts. The PTA isn't a place to discuss "issues with teachers" it really is about raising money and then allocating that money. If I were on the finance committee (which I am not because it looks like it would be a ton of work) I would really be annoyed at your comment. I would love to hear the other mom's version.

Agreed. But i have no interest in hearing from the other mom, its pretty clear this mom, the OP is on the bovine side.

[Anonymous]

Op, try to remember that it's not always about you. She may have stuff going on in her life.

Pps suggesting passive aggressive emails - really, do people plan to be passive aggressive? How sad is that? I always figured that happened when people didn't have foresight to consider the feelings of others or how their messages might be taken.

I'd talk with her directly. If you really think it is the pta thing, bring that up, apologize for hurting her feelings, and ask if there's a good way to get your children together.

[Anonymous]

Think about it- as an adult, if you knew someone (I know you say there were best friends but at age 7- that can change so much!) who just blew you off. You did everything- still no response. Move on. I read you tried to explain yourself but that is way beyond. That other woman either has things going on way bigger or is really petty and not a real friend. I know you are concerned for your son. Age 7/8 and above friendships change so much that you don't know if it would have continued. Of course, having the mom not supporting a friendship is even worse, Move on- for your son's sake and yours. You have done everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, try to remember that it's not always about you. She may have stuff going on in her life.

Pps suggesting passive aggressive emails - really, do people plan to be passive aggressive? How sad is that? I always figured that happened when people didn't have foresight to consider the feelings of others or how their messages might be taken.

I'd talk with her directly. If you really think it is the pta thing, bring that up, apologize for hurting her feelings, and ask if there's a good way to get your children together.

OMG, who are you people stepping around someone who is nasty to you and your son!! What are we in- preschool where we have to help others understand feelings and reactions? Put yourself as an adult in the same situation- do you really go beg back and explain for something soooo lame? If so- go for it. For the rest of those who have a backbone- if that mom is that petty now and you really have to apologize after she ignored your emails and invitations... really????

[Anonymous]

This is why you should always avoid the PTA.

[Anonymous]

I have a 2nd grader. If my kid was constantly ask to play with a certain kid, I would reach out. If I was not fond of the parents and my kid did not specifically ask to play with kid, I would probably decline. Kids have new friends often. School just started and my kid is just happy to be in school. He seems to have made some new friends.

Over the summer, I reached out a few times to a few people. others reached out to me. Linked up with a few. Some had scheduling conflicts. Kids had plenty of interaction with other kids at swim team and camp.

You are overthinking this.