"Catfishing" my kid?

[Anonymous]

You should tell your child to relax. Whatever this person is saying is rather pointless. I encourage my child to ignore or tell an obnoxious kid to f-off. I recommend you do the same. If it becomes threatening, notify the school.

Apathy is the best attitude your child can have towards this kind of behavior. If he/she doesn't give a damn, the game is no longer fun for the other kid.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure what's going on here but think of it as a good lesson in online caution for your child, op. And for those acting like it's nbd, there are a number of examples of kids getting tricked into revealing info or pics they find painfully embarrassing (remember, they are kids) and then attempting or dying by suicide. It's hard to say what a young person will find "too" embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should tell your child to relax. Whatever this person is saying is rather pointless. I encourage my child to ignore or tell an obnoxious kid to f-off. I recommend you do the same. If it becomes threatening, notify the school.

Apathy is the best attitude your child can have towards this kind of behavior. If he/she doesn't give a damn, the game is no longer fun for the other kid.

OP here.

I brought my kid to a counselor who said this, in a nutshell. The counselor (who is not related to the school) told my kid that the best tool is apathy. The counselor encouraged my kid to sit down with this child in real life and listen to the feelings. Counselor thinks that looking my kid in the eyes will make some of this stop.

She said lots of people are very bold in text messages or facebook posts or online forums and will attack you because they feel witty and powerful at a keyboard, but they wouldn't say that if they could see your eyes.



FWIW, these kids are pre-teens.

I have also contacted an admin at the school so they have knowledge of this incident. Not trying to fry the kid, but when I spoke to the other parents, they see were angry that their kids have unwittingly been pulled into an "online mob".

You know the scene in Mean Girls where the queen bee tries to trick Cady into criticizes her other friend on the phone, without telling her that the third friend is on the line? That is what is happening on a loop, but instead of "Do you like Becky" it is "Tell me that story again about the time you cried in front of the whole school," or "Does it bother you that ___ is more popular than you? but coming from a variety of fake accounts. Then, hilarity ensures for this kid, while my kid feels awful and like it isn't possible to trust anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what's going on here but think of it as a good lesson in online caution for your child, op. And for those acting like it's nbd, there are a number of examples of kids getting tricked into revealing info or pics they find painfully embarrassing (remember, they are kids) and then attempting or dying by suicide. It's hard to say what a young person will find "too" embarrassing.

Thanks for understanding that.

Just read an article in a NY paper about a kid who committed suicide at a small private school due to issues like this. Only 1 person took him seriously. When it started, there were some suicide threats. Got help immediately, but I think some people who haven't seen a suicidal kid don't know how scary it is.

[Anonymous]

I think ignore it is great advice for adults but not so much for teens. I think parents need to review what is being said and then take action with the app or website admin, school, teachers, police, depending on the severity of the issue.

I also think when things get out of hand, it's best to have the kid take a complete break from social media for a month or so and wait for things to blow over. I know that is really hard because his/her friends and other kids will be saying "did you see what so and so said" and texting screenshots but if the kid can say they are looking at anything online right now then eventually after a month or so, the bullies will move on to a new target.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our school will handle this type of issue. Online bullying.

Thanks for that info. I was hesitant to contact the school because it is the summer, but I did. Am waiting hear back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Check out my old friend Virginia Code Section 18.2-427.

OP here. Thanks so much. EXACTLY what I need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of info is this other kid trying to get? This makes no sense

The "information" is absurd.

Things like I will tell everyone about that time you <insert embarrassing classroom event here>, like crying, got detention for lateness, passed gas in front of everyone...
but the goal is make sure the online world knows that in real life, my kid is a loser. Determined to remind my kid of that every day.

A lot of these kids see that the ultimate way to get famous is to be young youtube sensation.
That's the "reality star" famous they all want to be.

I'm not allowing that due to lack of maturity on the part of my kid. He doesn't handle criticism well enough to manage that. This kid has one and has used it to make fun of other kids at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Not surprising that OP hasn't come back to give details.

Sorry for ignoring you.
I took my kid to a therapist.

The therapist said that sometimes online people say things they would never say to a friend, a spouse, or a colleague in person, because they want to be witty or snarky. It makes them feel smart and powerful.

What I realized in the session was that my kid is tougher and wiser than I gave credit for.

Also, this other kid is very sad inside.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all for your input.

Feeling stronger and saner. Appreciate your varied perspectives and direction not to totally ignore this, but not to go nuts, either.

That gave me some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone we know, a classmate of my child's, has been sending messages from a variety of accounts.

He's taunting him and trying to get information from my kid, because this kid knows my kid doesn't trust him.
My child has blocked this child.

I have contacted the parents. They are not supportive or committed to helping and see it as a "kids are like that" issue.

I contacted the parents of the kids from the other account. They are furious.

This kid has also pretended to be adults to ask for information.

I told the parents to make sure their kid does not contact my child online. They agreed. The next day, it happened again.

We can tell it is the same person based on the topics and the tone.

I know catfishing is the term for romantic tricks. What about when it is for social reasons? Is it still illegal?

Since it is summer and not from school, does this become a legal matter?

I'd appreciate links to information or any kind of solidarity. I'm wearing thin.
I found a great therapist for my kid when it started, so I'm in good hands there.

There are more details, but I don't want to "out" anyone.

No camp this week so working on your "creative writing" projects, eh?