Handling friends with very different views?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my 50s, but I grew up with the understanding that you don't talk politics and religion in pretty much most situations. Invariably leads to general ickiness between friends. You're not going to change each others minds so why go there?

+1. I'm even having to stop the political discussions within my own family, kids around the dinner table. I can't take it any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our close-knit group has different political persuasions. When we get together socially we do not discuss politics ever. Say it gently but directly.

This. Don't turn it into a joking remark. Just say it directly. I've had this talk with my father. We never talk politics. If we did I don't think we'd have any type of relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you have to "handle" your friends? Respect the difference in opinions and move on.

This!

If you start with the assumption that your views are just relevant to you and have no application to how others feel you will not have a problem. I don't feel that I am some sort of fountain of wisdom.

I have close friends who have major differences with me on politics and other issue. We don't view our opinions as infallible and once you adopt that attitude it removes a lot of friction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trump is good at talking in a way that gets people all excited. But he sucks on execution and follow through.

I am Jewish. Trump wants to label every Muslim in this country, every Mexican (who he assumes is here illegally). My relatives had to wear a star. We know how this story ends. I would not be able to allow people who believe this is a good thing, in my house. The child, sure, but the adults who should know better? No.

I'm with you. When we (general) remain silent, we support the oppressive/racist/xenophobic/misogynist viewpoints that are being supported by Trump.

“We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented” – Elie Wiesel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my 50s, but I grew up with the understanding that you don't talk politics and religion in pretty much most situations. Invariably leads to general ickiness between friends. You're not going to change each others minds so why go there?

If you and a friend disagree vehemently about the marginal tax rate, that's a fine strategy. I'm a single lesbian with a young kid. I work with black and latino and immigrant kids. I have a lot of Muslim friends. The present political disputes are about my ability to survive in this country and the ability of people I care about to survive. If, like me, you live in a community where the people Trump is targeting live, then you know that people are scared, and part of the reason they are scared is because they are being personally threatened by white men who reference Trump. A friend of mine who is here from India on an H1 visa had an uber driver curse her out because she's an immigrant "and Trump will get rid of you." She was terrified. I can't just go along with that in the name of avoiding ickiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trump is good at talking in a way that gets people all excited. But he sucks on execution and follow through.

I am Jewish. Trump wants to label every Muslim in this country, every Mexican (who he assumes is here illegally). My relatives had to wear a star. We know how this story ends. I would not be able to allow people who believe this is a good thing, in my house. The child, sure, but the adults who should know better? No.

I'm with you. When we (general) remain silent, we support the oppressive/racist/xenophobic/misogynist viewpoints that are being supported by Trump.

“We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented” – Elie Wiesel

Excellent point!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you have to "handle" your friends? Respect the difference in opinions and move on.

This!

If you start with the assumption that your views are just relevant to you and have no application to how others feel you will not have a problem. I don't feel that I am some sort of fountain of wisdom.

I have close friends who have major differences with me on politics and other issue. We don't view our opinions as infallible and once you adopt that attitude it removes a lot of friction.

OP, this +100
You need to be more open to others with different views and opinions and realize your views are meaningless beyond yourself.

[Anonymous]

You can only keep them as friends if you all agree not to discuss politics.

[Anonymous]

I know this is difficult to impossible for Liberals -- try tolerance. Other people are entitled to their own opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our close-knit group has different political persuasions. When we get together socially we do not discuss politics ever. Say it gently but directly.

This. Don't turn it into a joking remark. Just say it directly. I've had this talk with my father. We never talk politics. If we did I don't think we'd have any type of relationship

Same here. Everyone in my family is either passionately Dem or passionately Rep, no one is in the middle. Every once in a great while we'll have a political chat but for the most part, we just don't discuss it because we just want to enjoy each others company. Heck, my mom and I are on the same side politically (both very liberal) and I often don't even want to discuss politics with her because she gets so upset and worked up over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is difficult to impossible for Liberals -- try tolerance. Other people are entitled to their own opinions.

Republicans have really exemplified this tolerance thing. I mean, it's been a grand total of 3 seconds since I've seen an insult directed at a Democrat, or them spelling "liberals" as "libtards"! #progress

YES, liberals get angry and hurl insults and vehemently disagree with conservative points. But so do conservatives. It's by no means a one-way street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is difficult to impossible for Liberals -- try tolerance. Other people are entitled to their own opinions.

This is not what's being discussed here. I guess Republicans like missing the point so they can get in another anti-liberal dig.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trump is good at talking in a way that gets people all excited. But he sucks on execution and follow through.

I am Jewish. Trump wants to label every Muslim in this country, every Mexican (who he assumes is here illegally). My relatives had to wear a star. We know how this story ends. I would not be able to allow people who believe this is a good thing, in my house. The child, sure, but the adults who should know better? No.

I'm with you. When we (general) remain silent, we support the oppressive/racist/xenophobic/misogynist viewpoints that are being supported by Trump.

“We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented” – Elie Wiesel

+1 I am not Jewish and I don't mind people with different political views or debating about issues but not Trump. His wall, his label, his dictator behavior, his divisive bullying behavior and his sexist comments are just the tip of the iceberg for me. Even my own children after hearing him think he is a bad adult role model and they wonder why this is happening. They really were completely in shock over the Mexican comments and wall and they looked to me with wide eyes for explanation to why this man who wants to be President is saying these horrible things. I can understand and be completely fine on debating arguments against Hillary but I can not associate or remain silent with someone who supports Trump. I told my children that I am not a Hillary fan but I will now do everything in my power to volunteer such as the many who volunteered before in 2008. It is important to ensure that Trump does not become leader of the United States. Sitting back watching and complaining IS NOT an option. There are only two choices now and we must exercise our vote for the candidate that would do the least amount of damage to our country. This is all too eerily similar to history some of us seemed to have forgot.

Female, moderate, Independent

[Anonymous]

NP here. I have people in my life who have different political and religious views. I agree with the posters that you just avoid those topics, and sometimes, if the other person brings it up, you just say you don't feel like talking about politics.

That said, in the past, I have had to walk away from friendships because ideological views just kept seeping in. So we'd avoid talking politics, but the friend kept making backhanded remarks or insults to me personally. I realized that it wasn't so much that we disagreed on issues; it was that there was no longer mutual respect.

That person had become so immersed in ideology that he could no longer make the distinction between people and positions. He put people in boxes. So even if you avoided discussing issues, if he had already put you in a box, passive-aggressive politically-tinged personal insults would seep in to every seemingly innocuous conversation.

This was long before the current election, so it has nothing to do with Trump or Trump supporters, by the way.

[Anonymous]

If your friends support Trump, the friendship isn't salvageable; however, if they're Clinton supporters, you should listen to them.