Supporting a friend after transfer

[Anonymous]

These commenters, while well meaning, aren't following the comfort in-dump out model, even though they don't know us infertility sufferers on this board
http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407

[Anonymous]

Yes, and I often wonder if the people who start these threads are well-meaning, but are missing a sensitivity chip. Both because they are being insensitive to us, and often because their follow-up posts show some fundamental lack of understanding about how to comfort people who are going through a difficult time. For instance, this OP says she shares a special connection with the friend who had a transfer because this OP thought she was going to need ART too. And then she got pregnant on her own.

Gah! This doesn't seem hard to me. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think it wouldn't have been hard for me to know how to support someone going through infertility treatments even if it hadn't happened to me. I'm just not sure why the 'how do I support my friend' posters treat supporting a friend as such a mysterious process.

[Anonymous]

Op here. A lot of my question was that I didn't know if feeling gross after transfer was normal, so I probably asked the wrong question. At the risk of digging deeper though, I do think different circumstances call for different support and sometimes people who have been there / done that are the best at articulating what support worked best for them.

[Anonymous]

That's reasonable, OP. But what feels like support is going to be different for different people. So one person will say, "show up and cut up some pineapple core for me" and another will say, "I don't want to see anyone, so just send me a funny text" and another will say, "whatever you do, don't try to make light of this serious situation -- just tell me you care." Like with any hard situation in life, it's very individual. Just because we've all been through it doesn't mean we know the best way for YOU to support YOUR FRIEND. She's her own unique person, not made same by having infertility like the rest of us.

Please do understand, though, that the above reactions to people without infertility coming here and asking what to do for a friend are really not about you -- it's mounting frustration about something that happens over and over and over again on this board, and you're just catching the heat. No one's saying you're a bad person or bad friend -- some of us are just saying we wish people wouldn't come here to use us for this (somewhat silly and pointless, since we don't know your friend) advice.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks. I'd been coming on this board to learn options / gear up for my own expected treatment and so had come to see it as the supportive community it is, but perhaps was too insensitive in asking this question.