Holy s***, I'm married to a covert narcissist

[Anonymous]

Don't get too caught up in this "revelation". Everyone has narcissist tendencies and everyone displays some traits at some points in their life.

[Anonymous]

So trendy to say your S/O is a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

What makes a person with NPD tricky is that they create a kind of mythology about themselves (and others, as it reflects on them), and they work very hard to uphold it. They keep people close who they can convince/control to keep the story going. They tend to cut off anyone who questions or sees through the mythology they've created.

If you never had much experience with this, you don't expect people to be so dedicated to illusion. Or, conversely, you grew up with this, and it feels normal, or you feel compelled to please or prove things to others.

That's how people get sucked into relationships with narcissists. And then, one day you start realizing that nothing is what they say it is. They've been describing themselves and various people, including you, according to the narrative they need to live in, and working to manipulate it to be so, but none of it is quite true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What makes a person with NPD tricky is that they create a kind of mythology about themselves (and others, as it reflects on them), and they work very hard to uphold it. They keep people close who they can convince/control to keep the story going. They tend to cut off anyone who questions or sees through the mythology they've created.

If you never had much experience with this, you don't expect people to be so dedicated to illusion. Or, conversely, you grew up with this, and it feels normal, or you feel compelled to please or prove things to others.

That's how people get sucked into relationships with narcissists. And then, one day you start realizing that nothing is what they say it is. They've been describing themselves and various people, including you, according to the narrative they need to live in, and working to manipulate it to be so, but none of it is quite true.

This is spot on, all of it. If you catch on, begin to resist and aren't cut off, then you feel like an empty shell, meant only to support a story if you don't get away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What makes a person with NPD tricky is that they create a kind of mythology about themselves (and others, as it reflects on them), and they work very hard to uphold it. They keep people close who they can convince/control to keep the story going. They tend to cut off anyone who questions or sees through the mythology they've created.

If you never had much experience with this, you don't expect people to be so dedicated to illusion. Or, conversely, you grew up with this, and it feels normal, or you feel compelled to please or prove things to others.

That's how people get sucked into relationships with narcissists. And then, one day you start realizing that nothing is what they say it is. They've been describing themselves and various people, including you, according to the narrative they need to live in, and working to manipulate it to be so, but none of it is quite true.

This is spot on, all of it. If you catch on, begin to resist and aren't cut off, then you feel like an empty shell, meant only to support a story if you don't get away.

Actually, I think the reality is that the narcissist is an empty shell and when you no longer give them your energy or attention, they become deflated and therefore must seek out someone else to supply them. Of course, that is a lot easier said than done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How the hell is it possible you couldn't tell within the first 6 months of dating he was a narcissist? Or even within a year?

Or first 20 minutes. It isn't like they try to hide it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How the hell is it possible you couldn't tell within the first 6 months of dating he was a narcissist? Or even within a year?

Or first 20 minutes. It isn't like they try to hide it

Read the title. The word "covert" means that it's not openly displayed. You two must not know any true NPD's. They don't all walk around taking selfies, you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What makes a person with NPD tricky is that they create a kind of mythology about themselves (and others, as it reflects on them), and they work very hard to uphold it. They keep people close who they can convince/control to keep the story going. They tend to cut off anyone who questions or sees through the mythology they've created.

If you never had much experience with this, you don't expect people to be so dedicated to illusion. Or, conversely, you grew up with this, and it feels normal, or you feel compelled to please or prove things to others.

That's how people get sucked into relationships with narcissists. And then, one day you start realizing that nothing is what they say it is. They've been describing themselves and various people, including you, according to the narrative they need to live in, and working to manipulate it to be so, but none of it is quite true.

This is spot on, all of it. If you catch on, begin to resist and aren't cut off, then you feel like an empty shell, meant only to support a story if you don't get away.

Actually, I think the reality is that the narcissist is an empty shell and when you no longer give them your energy or attention, they become deflated and therefore must seek out someone else to supply them. Of course, that is a lot easier said than done.

Yes, but when they no longer need your supply (or you take it away), then you are also the empty shell because all of you has been usurped. Source: BTDT, still recovering.