I am never going to win with my parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not your business what your brother does or what your parents do with their money.

Only in a self-absorbed universe is $10k "not winning."

Grow the hell up and take care of yourself.

This is mean. She sounds like someone who has been deprived emotionally. It's not money.

[Anonymous]

People are confusing what the parents can or "are allowed" to do with what they should do. The fastest way to sow discontent among siblings, and against parents, is to do just what they've done and that is to favor one sibling.

OP has not indicated that she is not "taking care of herself." But when you see one sibling getting all the favors and benefits and you get comparatively nothing, then yeah, it does say something for how the parents value their kids. It doesn't have to be equal, tit-for-tat. But, as described, it's unfair. Nothing she can do but I'd be majorly pissed too. And when they coming around asking for elder care, I'd send them straight to the favored brother.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you want to switch places with your brother and live with your parents and borrow their money? Is that what you aspire to? I don't imagine so.

It sounds like you are a fully launched, independently functioning, self-sufficient adult, and your brother is not.
You don't need the same kind of support from your parents.
That is a good thing! You need to let this go and focus on the life you have built for yourself.

Maybe your parents made mistakes and continue to do so - all you can do is set appropriate boundaries with them and make different choices in your own life. Just focus on being healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are confusing what the parents can or "are allowed" to do with what they should do. The fastest way to sow discontent among siblings, and against parents, is to do just what they've done and that is to favor one sibling.

OP has not indicated that she is not "taking care of herself." But when you see one sibling getting all the favors and benefits and you get comparatively nothing, then yeah, it does say something for how the parents value their kids. It doesn't have to be equal, tit-for-tat. But, as described, it's unfair. Nothing she can do but I'd be majorly pissed too. And when they coming around asking for elder care, I'd send them straight to the favored brother.

Life is inherently unfair, and maturity involves letting go of the notion that everything is going to come out your way, and even. Being majorly pissed is an immature and dysfunctional response to this situation, which really does not involve much in the way of imbalance to begin with. OP has been given plenty of financial resources. And if she wants to live in the beach house, who is stopping her? What OP seems to want is what a small child wants -- a balancing each and every time one child gets something from the parents. She sounds exhausting and childlike.

[Anonymous]

The sibling who seems to be "winning" with the parents is in fact generally losing at life.


When you're a grownup you don't ask your parents to give you things. If they're giving things to the sibling that's a sign of something unhealthy in their relationship with him or their sense of whether he can make it on his own.

It's nothing to do with you. Their not giving you as much (And 10k is a ton) is a sign they're not worried. Stop focusing on what is going on with other people.

[Anonymous]

"You're never going to win with your parents" - - - so what?!!

[Anonymous]

np: I just started therapy today, because of issues with my parents who are both about 70. Therapist and I are going to do CBT to teach me to be "less reactive" to their behaviors. Go team! I'm excited.