Don't feel comfortable in my relationship with boyfriend

[Anonymous]

My therapist told me (yes I know, kinda pathetic but hey I will save u some money and share) that 80 percent of wrong relationships are not "bad". Most of the time when you are in the wrong relationship there is no abuse, not fundamental moral difference, no addiction or anger problems, etc etc. Most wrong relationships are just a bunch of little things here and there that add up to not the best match. It is a waste of everyones time and engery spending a lifetime trying to make it "right". Follow your gut and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it just that he has waited too long to get married, and his family is distant with you? Or do you have other concerns about your relationship with him?

Its these two that make me feel weird.

My DW could have wrote that 12 years ago. I wanted to marry DW but feared it also. It wasn't until I asked her one day if she had a set date in her mind that she would leave if we didn't get engaged and she answered yes that I finally went out and got the ring. I didn't want to be without her, but she was living with me so I already was with her if it makes sense.
Also before her I liked to play around so my family never got attached to any girl I dated

[Anonymous]

His family will not change, trust me. If you already find them disturbing now, that will just increase and it does affect your marriage. Things about people just get magnified over the years. That applies to him as well. Think of what about him and them that bothers you, and imagine that magnified. Can you deal with that for the long term?

What exactly is your concern that he waited to get married for 4 years? Do you feel like he is non-committal at the core? Do you feel like he is not very driven? Do you wonder if maybe he doesn't love you like he should to be marrying you? Just trying to help sort out those feelings. Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years. We are in our late twenties. Even though we have spoken about getting married, something in my gut never feels comfortable with this arrangement. My boyfriend says all the right things but his lack of action in us not being engaged yet kind of stings. His mother and siblings are also stand-offish and have never truly tried to accept me or integrate me into their family. His mother and siblings are obsessed with this other girl that his best friend married 2 years ago and she always goes around saying how she is like a second daughter to her and all I get is a lukewarm reception. I have spent 4 years with their son and I feel I deserve respect and acceptance too. My heart sometimes wants to bail.

I get you have invested 4yrs in this guy that you would like to get something out of it, but it may be time to cut your losses and move on. If you're not getting along well with family now imagine if you were to get married how things might be. If they haven't warmed to you in 4yrs then probably not ever going to warm to you.

[Anonymous]

Why are you questioning this. You "don't feel comfortable .... with [your] boyfriend" that kind of says it all. Your gut is telling you to go. It is hard. I know. But, do it. I didn't listen to my gut, and have subsequently married, had kids, and while I KNOW DH is a fantastic, wonderful person, a great father, but I also know I'm not fully in it. Trust your gut.