How do you reconcile screen time- particularly sports on TV?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a similar situation. We talk about fairness in the sense that not everyone gets exactly the same thing. the only week day screen time we allow is baseball. That's it. If she doesn't want to watch I will do something one on one with her. So she gets one-on-one attention and he gets screen time. Every once in a while they complain and point out the differences. I just keep saying it is different but still fair. They seem to go along with it.

Wow. That seems really unfair and favoring the son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a similar situation. We talk about fairness in the sense that not everyone gets exactly the same thing. the only week day screen time we allow is baseball. That's it. If she doesn't want to watch I will do something one on one with her. So she gets one-on-one attention and he gets screen time. Every once in a while they complain and point out the differences. I just keep saying it is different but still fair. They seem to go along with it.

Wow. That seems really unfair and favoring the son.

how do you justify this? do you think that the downsides of screen time aren't there for baseball?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With DD's theory, if each kid gets to pick a 30 minute show but DS happens to like DD's show, then DS somehow got an extra 30 minutes, so now DD gets an additional 30 minutes so it's 'fair'. If she again picks a show that her brother likes, she again is entitled to an addditional 30 minutes, etc. Your DD should be a lawyer; this is a great way to read the rules to accomplish her goal!

That's not DD's point at all. The TV is ON for the sports shows, IN ADDITION to the screen time she and her brother already get. So her brother gets his screen time PLUS screen time for sports. I agree he is getting way more screen time.

OP, if I were you and the point of your rule was to control screen time, then why aren't you concerned with all the extra tv-watching your DS is doing when your DH watches it? I would count that as screen time. Seems crazy not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a similar situation. We talk about fairness in the sense that not everyone gets exactly the same thing. the only week day screen time we allow is baseball. That's it. If she doesn't want to watch I will do something one on one with her. So she gets one-on-one attention and he gets screen time. Every once in a while they complain and point out the differences. I just keep saying it is different but still fair. They seem to go along with it.

Wow. That seems really unfair and favoring the son.

+1

[Anonymous]

What is your DH idea? Is this a team he loves to follow?
Why can't you say screen time doesn't count towards baseball?
Does your DH "do" anything while watching baseball? Thinking to my youth, where my mother would have one game (baseball, basketball & football) on the TV and another on the radio while she was ironing, folding laundry, coupon bingo (line up the coupons to the giant/safeway ads) - she was busy during this game time and my brothers would be in the room with her, sometimes sprawled on the floor moving plastic sports people along with the action. My mom and her boys still go to games together and watch them. (my dad gardened)

You are missing the point being focused on the screen time and not on the family time. If your DD doesn't like baseball, take her to the park or the nail salon with you while your DH & DS watch the game. Unless you also like baseball and then you just tell her its baseball or no screen time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is your DH idea? Is this a team he loves to follow?
Why can't you say screen time doesn't count towards baseball?
Does your DH "do" anything while watching baseball? Thinking to my youth, where my mother would have one game (baseball, basketball & football) on the TV and another on the radio while she was ironing, folding laundry, coupon bingo (line up the coupons to the giant/safeway ads) - she was busy during this game time and my brothers would be in the room with her, sometimes sprawled on the floor moving plastic sports people along with the action. My mom and her boys still go to games together and watch them. (my dad gardened)

You are missing the point being focused on the screen time and not on the family time. If your DD doesn't like baseball, take her to the park or the nail salon with you while your DH & DS watch the game. Unless you also like baseball and then you just tell her its baseball or no screen time.

what is the point of limiting screen time for either of the kids if it really doesn't matter? Why not just let your DD watch as much as she wants too? It doesn't seem to bother anyone how much screen time OP's DS has.

[Anonymous]

We distinguish between family screen time, when we are watching something together as a family activity vs. the kids solo time. They get 30 min on a weekday, long on the weekends and yes could watch each other's choice if they are interested. But if DH turns on sports or we watch a movie together that is a separate thing.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP, but your system smacks of the kind of entrenched male favoritism. If you're worried about "screen time", then to the extent your daughter doesn't watch the game, she should be able to watch an equivalent amount without your son or play ipad. If you're worried about some kind of "family time" concept that the baseball game imparts, then, uh, how about picking a family time tv (or other activity) that isn't inherently likely to leave out your daughter?

Like it or not, boys and men are more inclined to be into watching and playing sports than girls and women. Whether ingrained from birth or something we are socialized to do, the average 6 year old girl doesn't give a crap about baseball, while it is likely a source of entertainment for the average 6 year old boy. I'd say your husband is already reinforcing that, by making this a fun father-son activity that has become a source of conflict for your daughter. Even if boys are merely socialized to enjoy sports, it definitely has more value to them then girls. Boys go to school and talk to their friends about it. Girls don't. Men go to work and talk about it. Women don't do this much. People on here are going to think I'm nuts, but I would argue that your little shit experiment is basically an incubator version of when women grow up and get told that the (male) boss is taking out the top client to go golfing - and she and her (male) colleague are welcome to come. Oh, but the woman doesn't play golf? (which women are less likely to play well than men, because, well of the exact shit that OP and her husband are already enforcing on her kids). I guess just boss, dude colleague and client will go out instead.

I agree that sometimes shit isn't fair for kids, and parents get to enforce rules arbitrarily, but dont' enforce a rule arbitrarily that sucks for your daughter solely because she's a girl.

PS I know twenty of you are now going to jump in and say that you're a woman and you LOVE baseball and are AWESOME at golf. Your anecdote is great. But let's talk averages and statistics and real life instead.

[Anonymous]

This is exactly why we don't allot a specific amount of screen time. I don't want any whining about things being unfair.

The default is the TV/ipad are off/not being used. Occasionally I will offer them up if they weather is particularly bad and they've played inside a long time. Occasionally they will ask me for the same reasons. I either say yes or no.

[Anonymous]

I agree with pp that it is an annoyingly sexism-reinforcing distinction to make. Normally I am not the type to say that often, but I see it here.
Second, I just feel there will be adverse consequences from tight rationing and commodifying and making conflict over screen time. I don't know what, but it sits poorly with me. I regulate screen time minimally and it works. It is your perogative to regulate or not, op, but your way of doing it makes little sense to me.
Also your daughter is an awesome mini-lawyer.

[Anonymous]

We don't limit TV as much as the iPad, phones or computer. If we have the big TV on, everyone usually does other stuff
at the same time, whether it's homework, playing with toys, knitting (well, me), cooking, playing with the dog. Sports on TV are pretty unlimited in our house. I think you would need to limit adult screen time too if you were going to try to make it completely equitable.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, your DD is right. Screen time is screen time. It's not fair that your son gets more than her, period.