Am I the only mother who hates Mother's Day?

[Anonymous]

I'm not loving motherhood right now, and I'm in a weird place with my own mom so am having a hard time feeling the love this year.

I will say I do enjoy the low-key tradition that's emerged over the past few years and hope it continues. I'm optimistic that I'll emerge from my funk as my life regains some balance.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a made-up holiday designed to get people to buy stuff.

There are plenty of opportunities throughout the year to show your mother you love her. This notion that we have to have a holiday for it is absurd. It's all part of our consumer-centric culture.

I think the biggest issue I have with Mother's Day is it brings out all of the FB posts that insinuate a woman is not fully a woman unless she is a mother.

If our society really cared about mothers, then we would do more to give them support (affordable child care, paid family leave). If our society really valued parents, we wouldn't keep pushing this notion that if you only work 40 hours, you aren't dedicated or a hard enough working. We'd be more committed to work-life balance.

But we don't do that. Instead, we make a day where people feel pressured to buy $4 cards and flower arrangements and go out for an overpriced meal, and then we all pat ourselves on the backs and talk about how sacred motherhood is.

+1

+2

Fabulous post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also had a crappy mother but emotionally I grew up and stopped letting a made up holiday bring this much angst into my life. Part of that growing up was recognizing that my mother was neither all bad or all good--like all human beings and that she in large part, simply a product of her environment and untreated mental illness. Dwelling only on the negative holds you victim to the past and recognizing that although I am a much, much better mother than my mom, I also know that I am not perfect either and my kids will judge me just as I judge her.

--Some mothers are all bad.
--a person can be emotionally grownup and still want nothing to do with their mother
--your line about being judged as we judged our parents is a crock that we hear from abusive parents and the relatives who try to force the kids and adult children to accept the unacceptable. They were abusers. I'm not. As a healthy, emotionally grown up person, I get to distance myself from them because I'm not like them.

If you have to put down abuse survivors to make yourself feel like you're mature and together then you are not as emotionally grown up as you think.

[Anonymous]

I have a great mom. Great kids. Still not my favorite holiday. I'm uncomfortable with being the presumed center of attention.

[Anonymous]

I survived my mother, too.
Stop complaining OP.
Celebrate Mother's Day however YOU want.
Who cares what other people do and post on FB?

This the ultimate lesson in life: you are an adult and are responsible for your own happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I survived my mother, too.
Stop complaining OP.
Celebrate Mother's Day however YOU want.
Who cares what other people do and post on FB?

This the ultimate lesson in life: you are an adult and are responsible for your own happiness.

Well pin a rose on your nose.

My mother figure died this year. You got up this morning and decided you needed to put me in my place for posting a reflection on a board.

Sounds like you still have some work to do overcoming the presumption that people can treat others like crap.

[Anonymous]

Posting again to add: you might not have read my own post in which I clearly state that my husband is pushing back on allowing me the space to spend the day as I wish.

[Anonymous]

My mother got it right many years ago. She left for the weekend and left us to our own devices with Dad. It was a win win for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I survived my mother, too.
Stop complaining OP.
Celebrate Mother's Day however YOU want.
Who cares what other people do and post on FB?

This the ultimate lesson in life: you are an adult and are responsible for your own happiness.

Well pin a rose on your nose.

My mother figure died this year. You got up this morning and decided you needed to put me in my place for posting a reflection on a board.

Sounds like you still have some work to do overcoming the presumption that people can treat others like crap.

I like you OP. And pin a rose on your nose cracked me up. This doesn't resolve your issue but you made me smile; I hope you can strike a balance and have the type of day you want.

[Anonymous]

Once my mom died I just didn't like it any longer. I can't stand going out and seeing women my age with their moms. It is like a stab in the heart. Of course my children want to celebrate it so I try to push down my own feelings and let them do what they want. But it is a horrible day and I would rather be in bed all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a great mom. Great kids. Still not my favorite holiday. I'm uncomfortable with being the presumed center of attention.

Me too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I survived my mother, too.
Stop complaining OP.
Celebrate Mother's Day however YOU want.
Who cares what other people do and post on FB?

This the ultimate lesson in life: you are an adult and are responsible for your own happiness.

Well pin a rose on your nose.

My mother figure died this year. You got up this morning and decided you needed to put me in my place for posting a reflection on a board.

Sounds like you still have some work to do overcoming the presumption that people can treat others like crap.

I'm not putting you in your place, you put yourself there. You come here and complain about mother's day. Fine. Then you complain about the advice given. Fine. You accuse me of stuff I didn't do. Fine
Just know that at some point you will need to address the issue, which is that you should take charge of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once my mom died I just didn't like it any longer. I can't stand going out and seeing women my age with their moms. It is like a stab in the heart.

My mom is dead, too, and I feel the same way. Even though my in-laws are lovely people, I hate going out with them on Mother's Day because it just highlights what I'm missing and makes me want to cry. And then I feel guilty about not wanting to go. My children are too young to celebrate yet, so we'll see how I feel in a few years. I wish I could just ignore the day or just do something low-key and fun with my husband and children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once my mom died I just didn't like it any longer. I can't stand going out and seeing women my age with their moms. It is like a stab in the heart.

My mom is dead, too, and I feel the same way. Even though my in-laws are lovely people, I hate going out with them on Mother's Day because it just highlights what I'm missing and makes me want to cry. And then I feel guilty about not wanting to go. My children are too young to celebrate yet, so we'll see how I feel in a few years. I wish I could just ignore the day or hjust do something low-key and fun with my husband and children.

You CAN. Explain how you feel to DH. Send a card and flowers to MIL, and FaceTime or call the day of. If DH and his family are remotely nice and caring people, they will not have a problem with this.

[Anonymous]

I'm not a big Mother's Day person. But I agree with PP that it's important for the kids to do something for you. It's hyped to them at schools so it will feel "off" to them if they do nothing. Plus they are ridiculously proud of doing something like making a little card or hand painted frame and making coffee and toast for you. That's about all we do, and it's really for them. Some day I'm sure I'll be glad of all the hand painted chotchkes.