Bless your heart

[Anonymous]

I also grew up in the south. Several people on DCUM perpetuate the myth that "bless your/her/his heart" is largely a snarky thing but it isn't usually. I almost never heard it used that way growing up. It is most frequently used when you hear something moving- cat got hit by a car, kid tried really hard but bombed a recital, niece was named valedictorian, etc.

Most people from the south who say "bless your heart" mean it kindheartedly, although it can be used in a snarky fashion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In this context, it basically means the speaker feels sorry for you, or, that's too bad. I am picking up a slight suggestion that she doesn't like you all that much In general, though.

She does not, but I honestly don't know why. I get exhausted trying to decipher all the codes I'm fairly sure I'm getting wrong. I don't think she believes I'm sick hence why I'm thinking it's more of an insult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also grew up in the south. Several people on DCUM perpetuate the myth that "bless your/her/his heart" is largely a snarky thing but it isn't usually. I almost never heard it used that way growing up. It is most frequently used when you hear something moving- cat got hit by a car, kid tried really hard but bombed a recital, niece was named valedictorian, etc.

Most people from the south who say "bless your heart" mean it kindheartedly, although it can be used in a snarky fashion.

This is more nuanced - thank you. Like I assume the valedictorian thing is good so that would be like a happy thing and you wish her well with the stress of doing it (?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's northerners that use it in a condescending way.

I have never said it. I think I would sound like an idiot saying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, the whole reason its a secret insult is because you can't prove you're being insulted (since its also used sincerely).

This is why I hate the South. It's a cesspool of passive aggressiveness.

How sad to have those kinds of feelings about an entire region and the people who live there. I often say, "Bless your heart" to friends, family members, and work colleagues when they're not feeling well. I'm not being passive aggressive or snarky. The expressions may vary, but there are wonderful people everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also grew up in the south. Several people on DCUM perpetuate the myth that "bless your/her/his heart" is largely a snarky thing but it isn't usually. I almost never heard it used that way growing up. It is most frequently used when you hear something moving- cat got hit by a car, kid tried really hard but bombed a recital, niece was named valedictorian, etc.

Most people from the south who say "bless your heart" mean it kindheartedly, although it can be used in a snarky fashion.

This is more nuanced - thank you. Like I assume the valedictorian thing is good so that would be like a happy thing and you wish her well with the stress of doing it (?)

Yes, the valedictorian thing would be a good thing- "she worked so hard she deserves it, bless her heart."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, the whole reason its a secret insult is because you can't prove you're being insulted (since its also used sincerely).

This is why I hate the South. It's a cesspool of passive aggressiveness.

How sad to have those kinds of feelings about an entire region and the people who live there. I often say, "Bless your heart" to friends, family members, and work colleagues when they're not feeling well. I'm not being passive aggressive or snarky. The expressions may vary, but there are wonderful people everywhere.

Somewhat ironically, most other countries think this about the whole of the United States because we are too willing to talk to and be kind to strangers, and they think it must be insincere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, the whole reason its a secret insult is because you can't prove you're being insulted (since its also used sincerely).

This is why I hate the South. It's a cesspool of passive aggressiveness.

How sad to have those kinds of feelings about an entire region and the people who live there. I often say, "Bless your heart" to friends, family members, and work colleagues when they're not feeling well. I'm not being passive aggressive or snarky. The expressions may vary, but there are wonderful people everywhere.

Somewhat ironically, most other countries think this about the whole of the United States because we are too willing to talk to and be kind to strangers, and they think it must be insincere.

I never picked up on the insincerity thing. I just thought we were too in their space and annoying/overwhelming/gauche (to basically reserved from our standpoint people). Lots of middle eastern countries are what we would call insincere they would call polite. Funny though I never thought about it that they thought we were insincere.

Another take may be - the hotter it gets the more likely people are to snap/snarl at each other so you develop mechanisms to be uber-polite yet still retain the sanctity of your own feelings. I don't know - just a thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, the whole reason its a secret insult is because you can't prove you're being insulted (since its also used sincerely).

This is why I hate the South. It's a cesspool of passive aggressiveness.

How sad to have those kinds of feelings about an entire region and the people who live there. I often say, "Bless your heart" to friends, family members, and work colleagues when they're not feeling well. I'm not being passive aggressive or snarky. The expressions may vary, but there are wonderful people everywhere.

Somewhat ironically, most other countries think this about the whole of the United States because we are too willing to talk to and be kind to strangers, and they think it must be insincere.

I never picked up on the insincerity thing. I just thought we were too in their space and annoying/overwhelming/gauche (to basically reserved from our standpoint people). Lots of middle eastern countries are what we would call insincere they would call polite. Funny though I never thought about it that they thought we were insincere.

Another take may be - the hotter it gets the more likely people are to snap/snarl at each other so you develop mechanisms to be uber-polite yet still retain the sanctity of your own feelings. I don't know - just a thought.

Like bless your heart or I'm going to have to rip it out?

[Anonymous]

Someone said this to me recently. From what you described, it's a sympathetic thing to say, like poor thing. It's a kind thing to say.

[Anonymous]

I'm from the south...when bless your heart is used in first person it is sincere. When it is used in third person bless Her heart..it can either be sincere or not depending on context. Like, bless her heart, this is the second time poor Larla has been sick this month- sincere. Bless her heart, Larla has just never learned how to match colors - insincerity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm from the south...when bless your heart is used in first person it is sincere. When it is used in third person bless Her heart..it can either be sincere or not depending on context. Like, bless her heart, this is the second time poor Larla has been sick this month- sincere. Bless her heart, Larla has just never learned how to match colors - insincerity.

That makes sense. I think people have contorted it so that if your not personally familiar you don't know the nuances.