Tell be about your relationship with your grown son(s)

[Anonymous]

My oldest son is 30. As others have said, the DIL is very important. Boundaries and empathy are very important. I treat my DIL with love and respect, and so far, she's been lovely to me, and she's the one who thinks to keep me up to date on things. My own MIL is horrible, and from her I learned exactly what NOT to do if you want to avoid driving your son and DIL and grandkids away.

[Anonymous]

Mine are little but the closest family I know is in my extended family and its a family with 2 grown sons and empty nest parents. Absolutely possible, as many of us with sons are told how they will "leave you" from basically birth I think you can foster that closeness, IMO, if its a family value you live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is ridiculous. My husband talks to his mom at least every other day, and I definitely am not involved in that. His brother also talks to her a ton, probably daily. Also, if you can afford it, invite them (and future girlfriends/boyfriends) to nice vacations (rent a place and have them pay for airfare, etc.). Then everyone will want to come!

+1

ITA- with both booking nice vacations (a place everyone likes!); and calling really is up to the adult son. My DH barely wants to call his mom, no matter how often I ask him to. Usually, if he contacts his mom at all, it might be an email.

DH is sure to go on the IL's annual vacation, but only from guilt and obligation (just like how he grew up!). I don't think he likes his mother or his family very much at all, and seems relieved to be free of them, frankly. It's kind of sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest son is 30. As others have said, the DIL is very important. Boundaries and empathy are very important. I treat my DIL with love and respect, and so far, she's been lovely to me, and she's the one who thinks to keep me up to date on things. My own MIL is horrible, and from her I learned exactly what NOT to do if you want to avoid driving your son and DIL and grandkids away.

+1

This sums it up very well. You get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I guess I'll hope that at least 1 out of 3 of my DIL's likes me. I get along with almost everyone (the one exception is my own MIL) so here's hoping!

I too have 3 sons. Mostly I try and treat my MIL like I hope to be treated some day. So, I don't talk badly about my MIL in front of the kids and I made sure that we visited both sets of the family each year. This has taken many forms, sometimes we go to their home, and sometimes we go on a vacation together. This was maybe the hardest thing since it left limited time for our own family vacations although we did establish some neat traditions for 3 day weekends without extended family. Right now my in-laws are sick and since they have only sons, I work with my DH to make sure that they are well taken care of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have grown sons, but I do have a 15 year old son (and 13 year old daughter). I'm close with both kids, and I expect that will continue. What I will say about my son is that temperamentally we are very similar. We like a lot of the same things, we are on the same wavelength, our brains work the same way. I think those things can matter more than gender in terms of predicting the depth of a lifelong relationship. Meanwhile, I am trying hard to raise him to love and respect the women in his life.[/quote]

Did you talk to him about what to do if in the future, a woman comes on to him and he is not interested? Should he just respect the woman and date/sleep with her because she wants to? It seems everyone has these type of conversations with their daughters, but never with their sons. Remember he is not an evil male, just a kid.