Only Child, No Cousins, No Family In the Area

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Join a church/synagogue/mosque/temple/etc. If you are atheist, join a Unitarian church.

You need community.

Also, consider co-housing for living.

There are so many ways to create community without joining a religious/semireligious organization. I hate this as go-to advice. There are a million other ways to create community and close, supportive friendships.

I'm the poster you are quoting. You are right, there are many ways to create community, but I've found that people who are tapped into a place of worship have an easier time of it.
I've also joined moms groups and neighborhood volunteer groups and that has also helped, but the church is ready-made for this.

If they have no religious affiliation, it's not "ready-made for this." If they are, then? Great. But there are many ways to find community without professing faith in a Flying Spaghetti Monster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH has family in Ohio, mine are in California. We see each side once per year. DS is the only grandchild on either side, so no cousins.

We have created "family" here. Our neighbor has stepped in as "grandma", my bet friend is "aunt", his former nanny is another aunt, her daughter is like a babysitting older cousin...it's not the same, but it actually fills the void pretty well

I'm the PP who wrote about also having no family in the area and having difficulty building community. I would love to find "family" here like you mention you have, but I haven't been able to find this at all. How did you go about building community with the neighbor who is like the grandma, friend who is like the aunt, etc. I feel like everyone we meet here has their own lives, their own local family, is just too busy, and is not really interested in being family friends like this. Would like to hear how you built this community. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in this situation. We just manage. Create the community you want. There are occasional benefits. I miss my parents terribly but we don't have any pressure from them regarding vacations or holidays.

Same here - except I don't miss my parents!

[Anonymous]

I'm an only. DW's family all lives far away. We do not have any family in the area, and except for the kids sometimes missing playing with cousins or grandparents, we have made it work out really well here. We became friends with parents from pre school, elementary, sports for the kids. Neighbors too. and with work as well. We have created a lovely family here and we do consider them family. When family does visit, it just adds chaos. I do not care that I'm an only and have four kids now. OP--you make it work. People have been doing it for years--seek out the people that you want to be friends with.

[Anonymous]

Once your kid gets to school, you will have plenty of opportunities for deep friendships. Our son is involved in sports, scouting and school activities and our weekends and breaks could be packed with social stuff if we wanted.

[Anonymous]

My situation is a little different but my parents are both only children and their parents (my grandparents) passed away when my mom and dad were teenagers sadly. I do have a sister, but when I was growing up my parents made a really big deal about cultivating friendships in any way they could - parents of our friends, meeting people through hobbies, etc.

Our house is always filled at the holidays with their friends, even today. No joke, my parents have over 30 people for Thanksgiving each year and it's all friends of than my mom and dad, me and DH, sister and her DH.

So, I think you just need to keep working on friendships and really put yourself out there. It's not going to happen overnight, but looking for people who also don't have family close by helps.

[Anonymous]

My family is on the west coast, everyone I knew growing up moved away or I lost touch, and my DH is an only child. It becomes more noticeable when we have to list emergency contacts and don't have much selection of people to put down. I keep hearing the same things to join church, sports, meetups, but it's hard to find people that you can really rely on like family when most people are more like acquaintances.

[Anonymous]

My parents and siblings live overseas. DH' s brother and kids live Connecticut. FIL is selfish and comes to town 2 months every year. I feel your pain, OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Join a church/synagogue/mosque/temple/etc. If you are atheist, join a Unitarian church.

You need community.

Also, consider co-housing for living.

There are so many ways to create community without joining a religious/semireligious organization. I hate this as go-to advice. There are a million other ways to create community and close, supportive friendships.

I'm the poster you are quoting. You are right, there are many ways to create community, but I've found that people who are tapped into a place of worship have an easier time of it.
I've also joined moms groups and neighborhood volunteer groups and that has also helped, but the church is ready-made for this.

If they have no religious affiliation, it's not "ready-made for this." If they are, then? Great. But there are many ways to find community without professing faith in a Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Then try the unitarians for a Christian "flavor" of not much religion, or the secular humanists for a Jewish "flavor" of no god. I am an atheist, but I seek out a Jewish congregation wherever we go (military spouse). It takes me at least two years to start making real friends, but this is a place I can do things with other grownups on a regular basis.

I agree with this advice. In a larger community, there are other things to join, but these types of communities are built to welcome people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has family in Ohio, mine are in California. We see each side once per year. DS is the only grandchild on either side, so no cousins.

We have created "family" here. Our neighbor has stepped in as "grandma", my bet friend is "aunt", his former nanny is another aunt, her daughter is like a babysitting older cousin...it's not the same, but it actually fills the void pretty well

I'm the PP who wrote about also having no family in the area and having difficulty building community. I would love to find "family" here like you mention you have, but I haven't been able to find this at all. How did you go about building community with the neighbor who is like the grandma, friend who is like the aunt, etc. I feel like everyone we meet here has their own lives, their own local family, is just too busy, and is not really interested in being family friends like this. Would like to hear how you built this community. Thanks!

The only way to have a friend like an aunt or grandma is to be like an aunt or grandma to others. If you focus on giving love to others, you will get the return.