Please tell me your kinda friendless teenager...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, Op

Have you asked your kid if they are unhappy? I was that kid in that I was happy to go home and be with my family. I had a long commute to school and had friends at school but preferred to be by myself. Now I am an adult and I have friends that I have lunch/coffee/movies but I still like to be home with my family. If my child was unhappy I would try to help but if they are fine than I wouldn't worry!

Thanks. (Not OP, but this is my kid). I sometimes struggle to remember that what makes me happy isn't what makes him happy.

Normal social interactions?.

[Anonymous]

Opposite here - my brother had a tight group of neighborhood friends when he was growing up - all through high school they were the coolest super-clique. Everyone envied them. Girls would befriend me just to get near them. Then he moved away for college, had a huge emotional crisis and has never really had friends since high school! Now he's divorced and semi-retired, reads a lot, dines out alone, travels alone - over-sharing with anyone who comes near. But nobody hangs around for long because he's such a priggish bore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Opposite here - my brother had a tight group of neighborhood friends when he was growing up - all through high school they were the coolest super-clique. Everyone envied them. Girls would befriend me just to get near them. Then he moved away for college, had a huge emotional crisis and has never really had friends since high school! Now he's divorced and semi-retired, reads a lot, dines out alone, travels alone - over-sharing with anyone who comes near. But nobody hangs around for long because he's such a priggish bore.

Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, Op

Have you asked your kid if they are unhappy? I was that kid in that I was happy to go home and be with my family. I had a long commute to school and had friends at school but preferred to be by myself. Now I am an adult and I have friends that I have lunch/coffee/movies but I still like to be home with my family. If my child was unhappy I would try to help but if they are fine than I wouldn't worry!

+1. This was very true for a friend's son. She was inadvertently comparing his HS experience to hers and her other kids. When she actually talked to him about it he said it was his choice. He had plenty of friends and could find people to go out with if and when he chose but that he was happy with the balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was like this. Just an introvert/loaner/didn't click with high school kids at my school. Turned out great . Spouse, kids, good profession, etc. Just had to find "my people," which I easily did in college

People who couldn't spell loner, loner?

Or people who worry about spelling on a blog?? Looser, Loser?

[Anonymous]

OP may be an extrovert and her kid an introvert...if he seems otherwise happy, let him be ...introverts need the evening/weekends to recharge alone after being in the social chaos of school all week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is like this. He seems to have friends at school, he mentions them occasionally, and one of them works at the same place as well. But we've never met any of them. They've never come to the house and I can count on one hand the number of times this school year he's gone out to meet any of them. He doesn't seem "close" with any if them. He's never had a girlfriend (or a boyfriend for that matter).

He does well in school, but isn't having a "punishing" high school experience, at all. He is involved in one school activity that involves once a month meetings and he has a volunteer gig two afternoons a week and a part time job on Sunday afternoons. He goes for a 3 mile run (alone or with me) 3 times a week. Other than that, he's at home. He likes to read, follows politics and current events very closely (reads the NYT and the WaPo cover to cover each day), and enjoys cooking. No gaming. He helps out around the house quite a bit. He seems to really enjoy spending time with his family. He's a model kid in many ways. He seems very happy. I worry, lol.

I'm really hoping he finds his people in college. I worry about this a lot. In fact, it's the only thing I worry about with him. He has an incredibly solid head on his shoulders and is totally *ready* to go to college. I'm just so afraid he will be lonely.

Um how can I make sure my kid turns into yours when he's older? Sounds like such a cool person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS is like this. He seems to have friends at school, he mentions them occasionally, and one of them works at the same place as well. But we've never met any of them. They've never come to the house and I can count on one hand the number of times this school year he's gone out to meet any of them. He doesn't seem "close" with any if them. He's never had a girlfriend (or a boyfriend for that matter).

He does well in school, but isn't having a "punishing" high school experience, at all. He is involved in one school activity that involves once a month meetings and he has a volunteer gig two afternoons a week and a part time job on Sunday afternoons. He goes for a 3 mile run (alone or with me) 3 times a week. Other than that, he's at home. He likes to read, follows politics and current events very closely (reads the NYT and the WaPo cover to cover each day), and enjoys cooking. No gaming. He helps out around the house quite a bit. He seems to really enjoy spending time with his family. He's a model kid in many ways. He seems very happy. I worry, lol.

I'm really hoping he finds his people in college. I worry about this a lot. In fact, it's the only thing I worry about with him. He has an incredibly solid head on his shoulders and is totally *ready* to go to college. I'm just so afraid he will be lonely.

Um how can I make sure my kid turns into yours when he's older? Sounds like such a cool person.

Wow, what a nice thing to say. TBH, I don't know how he turned out this way! He's always been kinda cool, IMO. He was a good conversationalist at age 5, honest to god.

My other kids are great, too (IMO!), but this one is definitely different in a way that they aren't.

[Anonymous]

My kid had the same situation, OP. She is now in college and the happiest I have ever seen her. She has made lots of friends and her self esteem has grown through the roof. All my worries through middle and high school are now gone. I am so happy for her. Sometimes the right atmosphere can make a huge difference.

[Anonymous]

I was (mostly) that kid. Made lots of friends in college, made sure I went to a college that almost none of my high school class attended. It was just that my high school environment was all wrong for me, and I was introverted on top of that.

[Anonymous]

My DS 15 does not have friends (he tells me he socializes during the school day) and likes to read, play computer games, and watch Netflix. His grades are good but not stellar, he does not have much drive to do more than the average academically. I have trouble getting him to leave the house.

He seems very happy though, and therapists have told me that he is fine. It kills me though that he is so isolated. I am out doing things all the time, as is DD. DS tells me that since I'm an extrovert I don't understand him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS 15 does not have friends (he tells me he socializes during the school day) and likes to read, play computer games, and watch Netflix. His grades are good but not stellar, he does not have much drive to do more than the average academically. I have trouble getting him to leave the house.

He seems very happy though, and therapists have told me that he is fine. It kills me though that he is so isolated. I am out doing things all the time, as is DD. DS tells me that since I'm an extrovert I don't understand him.

http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1458160672&sr=1-1&keywords=quiet+the+power+of+introverts+in+a+world+that+can%27t+stop+talking

this might be helpful

[Anonymous]

I was this type of child/teen growing up, and I did really well once I went off to college. Looking back, for me it was a square peg/round hole situation - my parents attempted to raise the child that they wanted not the one they had. I've tried to take the lessons that I learned and do better for my DD

[Anonymous]

This is my twin brother. Turned out fine. Blossomed in college/law school. Has a successful career, lovely wife, and beautiful baby.

[Anonymous]

This was my child, and she is still really really isolated in college. Did a semester away, cried regularly/hated it/etc., and moved back home to do college locally. I'm not sure what the answer is. We were SO hopeful for her, after hearing so many stories of the kinds of kids who blossomed in college because they were just in the wrong high school environment or whatever, but it hasn't happened yet