Fil can't keep a job and now its affecting us

[Anonymous]

Make it clear that ANY assistance you give them comes with huge strings attached. HUGE LONG ANNOYING STRINGS. My first piece of advice would be to offer one thing, and one thing only: to pay for them to see a financial counselor. That's it. Then they can figure out their finances for themselves and you are not responsible for any routine bill paying.

You go to war with your DH over this. Do not sacrifice your financial security for his parents bad mistakes. Go to counseling, whatever it takes. If you and DH are not on the same page, this can destroy your marriage. Get on the same page now.

[Anonymous]

Do you think he has an addiction - drugs or alcohol that's getting him fired from these jobs? I would never empty my entire savings but like you said, offer to pay some bills if you can for a month or so but don't enable them.

[Anonymous]

Well, we recently went through this with my parents. They are wonderful people but... not good with money. And my father was in sales and was also constantly job hopping.

PP at 12:31 outlines the steps that my sisters and I did (although my parents signed up for social security themselves, just took some prodding). We helped them sell the house which took a HUGE burden off of them. A lot of that was helping them understand (slowly but surely) that the house was worth what the market said it was worth, not what it was worth to them emotionally. That alone was a huge point of contention and one of the biggest barriers. They are now very comfortable in an apartment. We did a ton of work helping them downsize all the material they owned and put the things they didn't have room for but didn't want to part with in storage.

We all did a ton of work to help them but we made it clear that we couldn't financially support them. We could come and lift boxes, move things, etc but we couldn't pay the mortgage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make it clear that ANY assistance you give them comes with huge strings attached. HUGE LONG ANNOYING STRINGS. My first piece of advice would be to offer one thing, and one thing only: to pay for them to see a financial counselor. That's it. Then they can figure out their finances for themselves and you are not responsible for any routine bill paying.

You go to war with your DH over this. Do not sacrifice your financial security for his parents bad mistakes. Go to counseling, whatever it takes. If you and DH are not on the same page, this can destroy your marriage. Get on the same page now.

This +1000000.

DO NOT DO THIS. I agree with the PP who said you will end up broke AND divorced. Don't do it.

Sales is brutal, and it sounds like your FIL also has some personality issues. $40-50k is plenty. How old is your FIL? Is he eligible for Social Security?

[Anonymous]

He is actively looking for another job but I know how it ends. In 6 months we will be right back here. They have way too much pride to live in a smaller place. I know stupid but we've tried to have that talk even when he had his job. He recently made some lavish expenses that my dh and I could only dream of buying once our kids are out of college and on their own. I just want to not deal with it. My family isn't like this and its so foreign to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is actively looking for another job but I know how it ends. In 6 months we will be right back here. They have way too much pride to live in a smaller place. I know stupid but we've tried to have that talk even when he had his job. He recently made some lavish expenses that my dh and I could only dream of buying once our kids are out of college and on their own. I just want to not deal with it. My family isn't like this and its so foreign to me

Then you really can't do anything to save them. At this point, focus on getting to an agreement with your DH so you are a united front against their requests for material assistance. If they refuse to do anything to better their situation, then you can't help them. They will take as much money as they can from you with no concern for your own financial well being. BTDT, NO MONEY should be given to them but you really have to get your DH on board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is actively looking for another job but I know how it ends. In 6 months we will be right back here. They have way too much pride to live in a smaller place. I know stupid but we've tried to have that talk even when he had his job. He recently made some lavish expenses that my dh and I could only dream of buying once our kids are out of college and on their own. I just want to not deal with it. My family isn't like this and its so foreign to me

Your family may not be like this for this issue but I promise you your family has something your DH finds boggling. Do not approach this from a my family does this so much better angle. All you will do is alienate DH . Approach it as the team you are his family is your family. You want to help them, but in a way that actually helps. Not just a short term fix. You will never get your FIl to admit any part to his job loss issues. That's not your concern he doesn't owe it to you so strike it from your to do list. Approach DH with practical ways to help your in laws. PPs offered great tips. Be firm in the financial boundaries you want to set, but don't be heartless. You may want to consult an advisor to help you figure out a way to do this.

[Anonymous]

This is not your problem. I don't understand why you are stressing about it.

They're grown, let them fall. Tell your husband our money stays our money and let it go. End of discussion.

I would never lose sleep over other people's finances. Your in laws should be ashamed of themselves.