Please accept my invitation!

[Anonymous]

No need to be bitchy OP. Just one meal. So much drama.

[Anonymous]

At least she made something. SIL demanded we fly across the country to spend Christmas at her house. We get there and the entire time I offered to pay for a catered dinner, but food once we get there, etc etc. She waves all this off saying she's happy to host for once. Long story short Christmas comes and she has nothing prepared and her cupboard is bare. She decided it was too much work at the last minute. Instead of ordering food and giving me the check to pay which I offered to do a dozen times, she tells my husband and I to look for an open supermarket. We find one bodega and SIL buys 2 cans of expired refried beans, a pack of tortillas, and a bag of cheese. That's what we had- for 8 people. We all ate our one "burrito" and left pretending to be full. We ran its MIL and other SIL at a Chinese restaurant an hour later. Haha.

The point is that sometimes people think they're up for something and turn out not to be. The polite thing to do is accept help when offered if you aren't up to doing something. Hopefully OP's MIL will accept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least she made something. SIL demanded we fly across the country to spend Christmas at her house. We get there and the entire time I offered to pay for a catered dinner, but food once we get there, etc etc. She waves all this off saying she's happy to host for once. Long story short Christmas comes and she has nothing prepared and her cupboard is bare. She decided it was too much work at the last minute. Instead of ordering food and giving me the check to pay which I offered to do a dozen times, she tells my husband and I to look for an open supermarket. We find one bodega and SIL buys 2 cans of expired refried beans, a pack of tortillas, and a bag of cheese. That's what we had- for 8 people. We all ate our one "burrito" and left pretending to be full. We ran its MIL and other SIL at a Chinese restaurant an hour later. Haha.

The point is that sometimes people think they're up for something and turn out not to be. The polite thing to do is accept help when offered if you aren't up to doing something. Hopefully OP's MIL will accept.

I meant to write "Buy food once we land" not "but food"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No need to be bitchy OP. Just one meal. So much drama.

I get OP. It's not just one meal. It's one of the biggest family holidays of the year. Kids grow up remembering Thanksgiving food and traditions. Who wants bland food and a reluctant host?
- person who deals with bland, thanklessgivings yearly

[Anonymous]

Bring it up directly, OP, right after it happens.

"Mary, it seems like cooking really stressed you out today--understandably so, there's so many of us. I actively want to host, and to make some foods that are special to me. I'm going to invite everyone to my house for Thanksgiving this year, and I hope you will join us so you can relax and be a guest for a change. You deserve it!"

Or, just let this holiday go by, and in a few weeks, write a family e-mail: "Bob and I are inviting everyone over to our place for Thanksgiving this year, and we hope you'll all join us. Mary, we wouldn't want to miss out on your famous apple pie, so please know we'll need you to bring that!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP and she is pushing to host, which fine, I am not going to stick my pick in the ground over it. Bring on the stale rolls, lukewarm ham, frozen veggies in butter! We don't know what her deal is, we offer to host and have a few times. I think this is a control thing for her. But the last handful of holiday dinners she has openly acted like she hated every minute of cooking the meal. I will ask what to bring, and even be specific "Can I bring the rolls?" for example, but she'll say no.

Catering doesn't make it any better. For their anniversary dinner they had it catered and managed to find a caterer who cooks just like her: bland, beige, blech.

Well...you're not pushing back, so why are you complaining? Nobody gets to command your presence or "insist" on hosting you. If you've been dying to break out the china and make some wonderful holiday food, just do it! Just tell them that you've been wanting to host, and you're hosting Easter. They are welcome to come. If they prefer not to come, you understand, and you hope they have a great holiday.