Where are all the single parents?

[Anonymous]

I have tried to set up a way for us single parents to connect but haven't had many bites. If you are interested in trying to start some kind of group email me at [e-mail]

[Anonymous]

Thanks. Another one here with the same situation minus the hitting.

[Anonymous]

I am single adoptive mom and we are out there but often too tired, exhausted to meet others in our same boat.

Gets a little easier when kids get older.

My daughter hangs out with lots of intact 2 parent families but I see the cracks in some marriages and think some moms and dads maybe single before they know it.

[Anonymous]

I'm a single mom in DC. There are a number of of single mothers at our elementary school. If you are feeling judged, maybe you need a change of scenery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single dad with full time custody with an ex who has no visitation. It's BUSY. I work full time, run the kids to their activities, do homework checks, cook, clean, and spend time hanging out chatting etc. That's Monday through Friday. The weekends are spent at sports tournaments and other activities. Now that my kids are older (teenagers), there is a bit more time to myself, but between working and parenting, I am just now slowly but surely building a circle of friends to do "social" things with. When the kids were younger money was tight so I couldn't afford sitters because that would literally be taking money away from the kids. Now that they are older, I do get a bit of free time, but not much. I think teenagers need as much "supervision" (i.e. home but not in their grill, available, but not necessarily bothering them) as smaller kids in a way.

I imagine empty nesting will be a big change. I'll be 44, so it's strange to think in six years I will be all alone.

I am a single mom and honestly I could have written your post word for word!

I have friends who are constantly asking me when I am going to get married. I really just don't have the time or energy to even devote to looking for someone to date much less a relationship.

+1. Me too. Perfect description.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single dad with full time custody with an ex who has no visitation. It's BUSY. I work full time, run the kids to their activities, do homework checks, cook, clean, and spend time hanging out chatting etc. That's Monday through Friday. The weekends are spent at sports tournaments and other activities. Now that my kids are older (teenagers), there is a bit more time to myself, but between working and parenting, I am just now slowly but surely building a circle of friends to do "social" things with. When the kids were younger money was tight so I couldn't afford sitters because that would literally be taking money away from the kids. Now that they are older, I do get a bit of free time, but not much. I think teenagers need as much "supervision" (i.e. home but not in their grill, available, but not necessarily bothering them) as smaller kids in a way.

I imagine empty nesting will be a big change. I'll be 44, so it's strange to think in six years I will be all alone.

I am a single mom and honestly I could have written your post word for word!

I have friends who are constantly asking me when I am going to get married. I really just don't have the time or energy to even devote to looking for someone to date much less a relationship.

+1. Me too. Perfect description.

Original PP here. Thank you! It's incredibly hard to be doing all of this alone and it really makes me feel good that my experience isn't abnormal. I was just talking to a work friend who's married and whose wife does the bulk of the household/kids stuff why I couldn't do a guy's weekend in Vegas or never went to a happy hour for the past 12 years. I sort of explained that if I wasn't there for my kids to do basic things like pick them up from school or daycare (a long time ago), there isn't a "wife" or "mother" to step in. It's just me.

It did take a huge hit to my career, but honestly, it was worth it and I've been able to have a stable job with good hours during the kids years. I can take the international traveling jobs once they are in college.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if we could/should start some sort of closed Facebook group for single parents. We could vent about stuff, or crowd-source how to solve problems or compare notes about camps/schools or dating or how to juggle rec activities.

I posted earlier - I'm one of the super busy single moms. Before I had a kid, I tended to be pretty scheduled, and that hasn't really changed. I think I have some internal issues about bringing her up in a less stable situation (two homes) so I work extra hard to make things really "normal" for her otherwise. I definitely feel pressure for her to grow up not wanting for anything, even though she has two homes when most kids just have one. It was very important to me for her to grow up in a SFH, with all the activities other kids have, with me heavily involved in them. I want her to have as traditional a childhood as I can give her.

It leaves no time for dating. At some point I need to fix that, but I would feel guilty taking time away from her to meet random dudes on Tinder. Even though I'll probably need to do that if I don't want to end up alone forever!

[Anonymous]

I must be weird because I loved it when I was single with my daughter. It gave me strength to have someone and get away from a spouse I couldn't stand. Honestly having kids is the best thing, they are your blood, your family...whereas a spouse is not. I don't get where women complain how hard it is because imo much harder to have to compromise with a spouse who might not have your children's best interest like you do. If I had to do it over again I would have had one more.

I think women are too needy in terms of men, therein lies the real problem...not the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I must be weird because I loved it when I was single with my daughter. It gave me strength to have someone and get away from a spouse I couldn't stand. Honestly having kids is the best thing, they are your blood, your family...whereas a spouse is not. I don't get where women complain how hard it is because imo much harder to have to compromise with a spouse who might not have your children's best interest like you do. If I had to do it over again I would have had one more.

I think women are too needy in terms of men, therein lies the real problem...not the kids.

Did I write this PP? I honestly don't think it's all that hard doing it all myself. I think it is easy if you have always done it yourself like me. It is probably harder to have a partner and then end up on your own. I feel sad how so many of my friends are so dependent. I am not saying all wives are dependent but some of my friends are flat out miserable with their spouses but they just can't leave. They have created a situation where they are so dependent that they really can't leave.

[Anonymous]

I am a single mom here too: juggling work, homework checks, cooking, cleaning, errands, school events/meetings/volunteering, after-school activities, exam review with kids, work to ensure continuous flow of income, doctors' visits, special education, ........ It is exhausting and yet fulfilling, rewarding, and joyful, with the kids. The other parent has been out of the picture for over half a decade with no contact nor any kind of support. So, it is just one parent doing all. Their smiles, conversations and laughters/concerns made the hustle bustle all worthwhile. Yes, it is easier to be a single parent than having a partner or another parent around whose values we do not agree wth especially with child raising. Yes, having kids would be better than having a partner if we had to choose between either having kids or a partner.

It would be nice to have a partner but it is only a bonus, not a necessity. Yes, I also don't feel fair to the kids to take my time away from them and go hang out with guys for dates. If I find myself contemplating going on a date, I try to Coodinate so that it would not take time away from my kids. Yes, I would do it all over again if in order to have the same kids, I had to be a single mom; I would jump in without hesitation. Our kids make life worthwhile.

Like PP, I also did feel being judged by others on the single-parent status. Over time, I learned that closed-minded people are not the people worth spending time with anyway; it is their judgement, it is their problem and not ours.

[Anonymous]

So glad to have stumbled on this thread. I've been divorced for six months but was the one single mom at all the parties last year, and that season is starting up again. It's not exactly that I feel judged (though sometimes they say stupid things like how exhausted they are because their spouse is out for an evening), just that it's lonely because most people just talk to their spouses at those things.

Older friends keep telling me I'm just the front of the wave. That does seem to be coming true, as people are starting to reach out to me as their marriages falter.

I have one single mom friend. Like everybody has said, it's really hard for us to find time to get together, but we text frequently--that helps.

My relationship with my son has improved dramatically, and I love how he has grown into the role of helping around the house. He seems much more grounded and comfortable in his skin than his peers.

Now if I could just be less sensitive to the daddy worship...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I must be weird because I loved it when I was single with my daughter. It gave me strength to have someone and get away from a spouse I couldn't stand. Honestly having kids is the best thing, they are your blood, your family...whereas a spouse is not. I don't get where women complain how hard it is because imo much harder to have to compromise with a spouse who might not have your children's best interest like you do. If I had to do it over again I would have had one more.

I think women are too needy in terms of men, therein lies the real problem...not the kids.

Did I write this PP? I honestly don't think it's all that hard doing it all myself. I think it is easy if you have always done it yourself like me. It is probably harder to have a partner and then end up on your own. I feel sad how so many of my friends are so dependent. I am not saying all wives are dependent but some of my friends are flat out miserable with their spouses but they just can't leave. They have created a situation where they are so dependent that they really can't leave.

Let's not turn this into bashing other women. I'm divorced with kids and by nature am a loaner, so am happy just having my life revolve around my kids. I do, however, understand that other people are more social and might want to be in a committed adult relationship. That doesn't make them needy or dependent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I must be weird because I loved it when I was single with my daughter. It gave me strength to have someone and get away from a spouse I couldn't stand. Honestly having kids is the best thing, they are your blood, your family...whereas a spouse is not. I don't get where women complain how hard it is because imo much harder to have to compromise with a spouse who might not have your children's best interest like you do. If I had to do it over again I would have had one more.

I think women are too needy in terms of men, therein lies the real problem...not the kids.

Did I write this PP? I honestly don't think it's all that hard doing it all myself. I think it is easy if you have always done it yourself like me. It is probably harder to have a partner and then end up on your own. I feel sad how so many of my friends are so dependent. I am not saying all wives are dependent but some of my friends are flat out miserable with their spouses but they just can't leave. They have created a situation where they are so dependent that they really can't leave.

Let's not turn this into bashing other women. I'm divorced with kids and by nature am a loaner, so am happy just having my life revolve around my kids. I do, however, understand that other people are more social and might want to be in a committed adult relationship. That doesn't make them needy or dependent.

It does if they can't live without that other person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I must be weird because I loved it when I was single with my daughter. It gave me strength to have someone and get away from a spouse I couldn't stand. Honestly having kids is the best thing, they are your blood, your family...whereas a spouse is not. I don't get where women complain how hard it is because imo much harder to have to compromise with a spouse who might not have your children's best interest like you do. If I had to do it over again I would have had one more.

I think women are too needy in terms of men, therein lies the real problem...not the kids.

Did I write this PP? I honestly don't think it's all that hard doing it all myself. I think it is easy if you have always done it yourself like me. It is probably harder to have a partner and then end up on your own. I feel sad how so many of my friends are so dependent. I am not saying all wives are dependent but some of my friends are flat out miserable with their spouses but they just can't leave. They have created a situation where they are so dependent that they really can't leave.

Let's not turn this into bashing other women. I'm divorced with kids and by nature am a loaner, so am happy just having my life revolve around my kids. I do, however, understand that other people are more social and might want to be in a committed adult relationship. That doesn't make them needy or dependent.

It does if they can't live without that other person.

The bolded language is a broad generalization about women as a whole that is very self righteous and judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Single mom here, have kids 50 weeks a year, no family in the area. It's a challenge and busy like others have said.

I too feel the loneliness when I take kids to sports and other events. I don't feel judged, and I am not ashamed to be alone. But like a pp said, just showing up and staying there solo every time, smiling, wears on me. But we do these things for our children, and it's a phase of life.

Eventually I'd like to date more, but others in the same boat can relate to the challenge with making time for that.