Twin mom thinking ahead: get a new nanny or start daycare/nursery school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, OP again. The nanny is here for 5 hours a day, only 3.5 of which the children are awake--which is from 8:30 to noon (they get a snack and lunch during that window as well). I personally find it extremely difficult and stressful to drive my twins to places like the library, museum, etc, and I don't expect my nanny to do what I don't do myself. I don't think the benefits outweigh the risk (of a crash, of two kids running in different directions, etc).

I had twins and part-time preschool is good. I'd get the stroller out first then load one twin and then the other. Grocery shopping i left them in a strroller and drug the cart if I needed more than fit in a basket-someimes made 2 trips with a baket. Our local library at the time had a self contained children's room and story hour was in another slef-contained room. Our local library now is newer with the ever popular open concept. I don't have little kids but they do have chase scenes all over the place-auto open doors don't help those parents either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, OP again. The nanny is here for 5 hours a day, only 3.5 of which the children are awake--which is from 8:30 to noon (they get a snack and lunch during that window as well). I personally find it extremely difficult and stressful to drive my twins to places like the library, museum, etc, and I don't expect my nanny to do what I don't do myself. I don't think the benefits outweigh the risk (of a crash, of two kids running in different directions, etc).

She cleans your house when they're asleep, right? She isn't a nanny and you sound like a pill. Daycare would be best for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, OP again. The nanny is here for 5 hours a day, only 3.5 of which the children are awake--which is from 8:30 to noon (they get a snack and lunch during that window as well). I personally find it extremely difficult and stressful to drive my twins to places like the library, museum, etc, and I don't expect my nanny to do what I don't do myself. I don't think the benefits outweigh the risk (of a crash, of two kids running in different directions, etc).

She cleans your house when they're asleep, right? She isn't a nanny and you sound like a pill. Daycare would be best for you.

No, she doesn't clean my house when they're asleep. She actually relaxes on my couch with her phone. She's a nanny, not a housekeeper. But what does that have to do with it anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP and just wanted to chime in that I didn't let our beloved, wonderful nanny drive the kids, either. She was a nervous driver (OMG, watching her parallel park) and, honestly, I was hyper aware of my kids' safety.

That said, we live in a dense, walkable neighborhood with like 15 parks within an easy walk, plus lots of activities. OP, are you more isolated?

Oh, and we kept our nanny until both kids were in FT school (3.5 and 5,5). Mostly because we love our nanny and couldn't bear to part with her, but also because having a nanny is sooo much more convenient.

Thanks, PP. We're not in DC anymore and live in a slightly suburban area: two parks within walking distance and a cafe as well. We have a lot of snow on the ground here now though so it's not so easy to walk around this time of year. My nanny says she often prefers to stay inside because it's such a pain to get them suited up for the cold, which I completely understand. I mean, it's just a couple hours of activity time once you take away the time they spend eating.

[Anonymous]

My twins are 5 but started daycare about 2-3 days per week at 17mos. My advice is if you go the preschool or daycare route, be prepared for them to be sick the entire first 6 months while they build an immunity. Until they got tubes in their ears, either one or both of my sons were sick practically the first 6 months in daycare. These are kids who had only one minor cold the first 17 months of their lives. It was miserable when we first started.

However, I don't disagree that some formal social interaction, preschool or daycare is needed by age 2. My sons enjoyed the few days per week they stayed home when they first started daycare, but honestly, I think they would be bored with any more time at home than what they had (2-3 days/wk at home).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP and just wanted to chime in that I didn't let our beloved, wonderful nanny drive the kids, either. She was a nervous driver (OMG, watching her parallel park) and, honestly, I was hyper aware of my kids' safety.

That said, we live in a dense, walkable neighborhood with like 15 parks within an easy walk, plus lots of activities. OP, are you more isolated?

Oh, and we kept our nanny until both kids were in FT school (3.5 and 5,5). Mostly because we love our nanny and couldn't bear to part with her, but also because having a nanny is sooo much more convenient.

Thanks, PP. We're not in DC anymore and live in a slightly suburban area: two parks within walking distance and a cafe as well. We have a lot of snow on the ground here now though so it's not so easy to walk around this time of year. My nanny says she often prefers to stay inside because it's such a pain to get them suited up for the cold, which I completely understand. I mean, it's just a couple hours of activity time once you take away the time they spend eating.

So, rather than doing what is best for the children, you and she are doing what is easiest. Got it.

If you were in a walkable area, with plenty of parks, a playgroup or two and activities, and access to public transit, it wouldn't be an issue. Absent that, you need to go the daycare route. Nannies understand staying in with young infants. Once the kids are old enough that limited exposure to cold isn't as dangerous and being exposed to germs isn't as concerning (actually, it's a good thing...), yes, the nanny should be taking the kids out. If the nanny has 3 hours every day, that's plenty of time to go do something... every single day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP and just wanted to chime in that I didn't let our beloved, wonderful nanny drive the kids, either. She was a nervous driver (OMG, watching her parallel park) and, honestly, I was hyper aware of my kids' safety.

That said, we live in a dense, walkable neighborhood with like 15 parks within an easy walk, plus lots of activities. OP, are you more isolated?

Oh, and we kept our nanny until both kids were in FT school (3.5 and 5,5). Mostly because we love our nanny and couldn't bear to part with her, but also because having a nanny is sooo much more convenient.

Thanks, PP. We're not in DC anymore and live in a slightly suburban area: two parks within walking distance and a cafe as well. We have a lot of snow on the ground here now though so it's not so easy to walk around this time of year. My nanny says she often prefers to stay inside because it's such a pain to get them suited up for the cold, which I completely understand. I mean, it's just a couple hours of activity time once you take away the time they spend eating.

So, rather than doing what is best for the children, you and she are doing what is easiest. Got it.

NP. Yeah. And you know what? I also stopped BFing before my children were two. I work outside the home. Once in a while, they watch TV.

Sometimes people do what works best for the family, not just the kid. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP and just wanted to chime in that I didn't let our beloved, wonderful nanny drive the kids, either. She was a nervous driver (OMG, watching her parallel park) and, honestly, I was hyper aware of my kids' safety.

That said, we live in a dense, walkable neighborhood with like 15 parks within an easy walk, plus lots of activities. OP, are you more isolated?

Oh, and we kept our nanny until both kids were in FT school (3.5 and 5,5). Mostly because we love our nanny and couldn't bear to part with her, but also because having a nanny is sooo much more convenient.

Thanks, PP. We're not in DC anymore and live in a slightly suburban area: two parks within walking distance and a cafe as well. We have a lot of snow on the ground here now though so it's not so easy to walk around this time of year. My nanny says she often prefers to stay inside because it's such a pain to get them suited up for the cold, which I completely understand. I mean, it's just a couple hours of activity time once you take away the time they spend eating.

So, rather than doing what is best for the children, you and she are doing what is easiest. Got it.

NP. Yeah. And you know what? I also stopped BFing before my children were two. I work outside the home. Once in a while, they watch TV.

Sometimes people do what works best for the family, not just the kid. Get over yourself.

Nothing you did sounds like a problem. You need to get over YOURself.

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore the haters. Here's my take on your situation.

Between two and two and a half years of age (when you say your nanny is leaving you) is the perfect time to start preschool. Your timing works out very well. I would put them in a preschool at that time, because this is just about the age when they actually benefit from other kids' company, and when they begin to need more stimulation than a nanny may be able to provide

18-month children do NOT need any "activities". They don't need libraries or, the height of parental illusions, museums. They need plenty of exercise, fresh air, and focused interaction. All that nonsense of story time, "music lessons" etc. is easily done by a competent nanny. If your nanny reads and sings to them with rattles scattered about, that's your story time and music right there. About the only thing that's actually age-appropriate and not easily outsourced at that age is swimming/pool time. But children don't die for lack of swimming so you're all good.

The only thing your nanny does wrong is not take children outside. Fresh air and movement is the number one non-negotiable in childcare. If your kids run around for a couple of hours minimum every day, you will have a dramatic improvement in how they eat, how they sleep and nap, how they behave, everything. Given that you have a nanny, I would insist on her taking the kids out. It's not that cold. If SHE doesn't want to go out, it's not a good reason.

[Anonymous]

Based on what you've shared, I agree with the posters Who are suggesting a combo of both. Send your kids 2 days a week to a little preschool program and keep a nanny or au paire. Church based and community based preschools have programs for 2 mornings a week in the $200-$300 range a month (Fairfax county) for that age.
But, I disagree with those who feel a child of 2 or 2.5 years needs organized schooling. I did not start my child in any kind of preschool until she was 3. She went two mornings a week. Then for her pre-k year, she went just 3 mornings a week. She did great in full day K, and continues to be a stellar student, and is also well-socialized. But, that being said, I think that most parents would agree that the needs for every child is different. My children were eager to play with other kids at the playground, and have always been good at taking direction. But I can see that twins might need to be pushed a bit to socialize with others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the haters. Here's my take on your situation.

Between two and two and a half years of age (when you say your nanny is leaving you) is the perfect time to start preschool. Your timing works out very well. I would put them in a preschool at that time, because this is just about the age when they actually benefit from other kids' company, and when they begin to need more stimulation than a nanny may be able to provide

18-month children do NOT need any "activities". They don't need libraries or, the height of parental illusions, museums. They need plenty of exercise, fresh air, and focused interaction. All that nonsense of story time, "music lessons" etc. is easily done by a competent nanny. If your nanny reads and sings to them with rattles scattered about, that's your story time and music right there. About the only thing that's actually age-appropriate and not easily outsourced at that age is swimming/pool time. But children don't die for lack of swimming so you're all good.

The only thing your nanny does wrong is not take children outside. Fresh air and movement is the number one non-negotiable in childcare. If your kids run around for a couple of hours minimum every day, you will have a dramatic improvement in how they eat, how they sleep and nap, how they behave, everything. Given that you have a nanny, I would insist on her taking the kids out. It's not that cold. If SHE doesn't want to go out, it's not a good reason.

Nonsense. Children of any age need consistent interaction with people other than their primary caregivers. Fact!

[Anonymous]

No they don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the haters. Here's my take on your situation.

Between two and two and a half years of age (when you say your nanny is leaving you) is the perfect time to start preschool. Your timing works out very well. I would put them in a preschool at that time, because this is just about the age when they actually benefit from other kids' company, and when they begin to need more stimulation than a nanny may be able to provide

18-month children do NOT need any "activities". They don't need libraries or, the height of parental illusions, museums. They need plenty of exercise, fresh air, and focused interaction. All that nonsense of story time, "music lessons" etc. is easily done by a competent nanny. If your nanny reads and sings to them with rattles scattered about, that's your story time and music right there. About the only thing that's actually age-appropriate and not easily outsourced at that age is swimming/pool time. But children don't die for lack of swimming so you're all good.

The only thing your nanny does wrong is not take children outside. Fresh air and movement is the number one non-negotiable in childcare. If your kids run around for a couple of hours minimum every day, you will have a dramatic improvement in how they eat, how they sleep and nap, how they behave, everything. Given that you have a nanny, I would insist on her taking the kids out. It's not that cold. If SHE doesn't want to go out, it's not a good reason.

Nonsense. Children of any age need consistent interaction with people other than their primary caregivers. Fact!

OP here, let me nip this one in the bud. Getting two 1.5 year olds into snowsuits, hats, mittens etc while they scream bloody murder is a special form of hell. It's really cold where we live. If it's below freezing they are not going to be outside for more than 15-20 minutes anyway so sometimes (rarely) it's not worth it. They can't really "run around" on the snow-covered ground anyway. They'll go on the swings out back for a little bit and that's it.

I appreciate all the other helpful advice from the PPs (and enjoy reading all the snarky comments too!)

[Anonymous]

OP The best thing I ever did was send my twins to preschool at age 2.5. they offered day care also after the preschool class was over, so if I was late, that was fine. I had a number of issues with the nanny -- a qualified nanny is extremely expensive + all the paperwork of a legal nanny. And who are they anyway? What qualifications? At the preschool the teachers had qualifications/ teaching experience/ legal papers and were supervised. It was legal. I also was not loving me working like crazy while the nanny read the newspaper. We had methods of getting the twins out the door in the AM. For example, we preheated the car. It only takes a few minutes and really much less strain than a complete head to toe outdoor dressing just to go indoors for preschool. I think I carried their coats in for recess/ outdoors. The teachers had helpers who dressed them for outdoor play. I agree 100% about not letting the nanny drive also. Ours were not experienced drivers and they had these very old cars.

[Anonymous]

^^ They learned a lot of great social skills in preschool and we met lots on new people. So much nicer than the nanny just going over to the biggest house in the neighborhood to socialize with the other nannies!