Relatives that give up on reciprocal relationships

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just don't care to spend a ton of time and energy on my extended family. Too toxic, too much stress.

+1

[Anonymous]

We gave up but we felt like they had given up on us years ago. I think many times it's a race to the bottom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you invited them?

Have you ever issued a specific invitation, or just a general "you're welcome anytime," or do you expect them to initiate?

Also, you admit that one brother doesn't have the money for vacations, so why would you expect him to travel to visit you?

[Anonymous]

A visit is not the measure of love, OP. tying the two together is a recipe for pain. Let it go.

Travel as you wish.

[Anonymous]

Some people like to travel more and their priorities (time & money) reflect that. It's likely not personal to you. Assess the relationship and what you want from it and what you are willing to put into it and do that. Stop thinking about what they are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my brother's family and my husband's sister's family seem to have given up on reciprocal relationships. If we want to see then, we have to travel to them. They have never and at this point (10 years) doesn't look like they will ever travel to us. Anyone else deal with the same dynamic? Will it ever change?

Do you have a fucking telephone? I'll bet you do.

Stop playing this tit for tat game and holding grudges based on who you think should visit who.

It's expensive and time consuming for a lot of people to make visits like that. It doesn't mean they gave up on the relationship.

Call. Email. Skype. Write actual letters.

I totally agree. I do not understand people who feel like the value of their relationships hinges on one thing and one thing alone. Relationships and lives are complicated and what I am able to do in my particular circumstance may not be what my SIL can do. Maybe I can travel, maybe I like to travel and can afford to do so. Maybe my SIL can't or does not like to and I do not presume to tell her what to do with her own d*** money. Maybe she does things I do not.
It is not just one thing that makes a relationship people, lighten up, take a chill.

[Anonymous]

I don't invite my BIL's family over. They are usually the ones to host Thanksgiving and other family get-togethers since they tend to be formal and like to have china, crystal, silver and have hired help to do the serving/cleanup. They also tend to be critical of other people and their choices in home decor/food/etc. in other words, they are snobs. So we go to their house, bring their favorite wine/dessert and let them wonder why no one else in the family invites them over.

[Anonymous]

I never visit my sister. There are pratical reasons-- it's far, etc. but also realities like the fact that she and I are prone to tension and I don't think I want to spend all that time and $$ going to a situation that is likely to result in hard feelings.

[Anonymous]

My sister last visited when my oldest child was just born and that was 8 years ago. She always has excuses like she has to visit her in laws, or travel is too exhausting, or she can't because of her kids. I have smaller kids so none of her excuses really hold water. She managed to travel to Hawaii though.