Person I am close to asking for money for medical bills

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I would not have not donated that. You are a great person! Yes, they need to sell beach house before asking people for help. I truly can't believe that!

+1 I don't think I would've donated anything. They have a lot of disposable income and they are choosing not to prioritize these bills over others. That doesn't line up with my fiscal choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is completely true and they are American born and bread. The mother, who is my close friend, suffered a terrible and sudden acute illness that had left her partially paralyzed. It is beyond tragic. I don't think I am outing them since they don't live in the DMV. They have 3 elementary/middle school age kids and I know this is an impossibly hard time for them.... they have always had an easy and excellent UMC luxury life and I think this new reality is going to change all that and its too bad but they need to face reality. It is a really terrible situation where the mom needs in home nursing now that she is out of rehab. They have a nanny to help with the kids, but its just their lifestyle is going to majorly change and they can't face it right now at this moment.

Sincere question: How is it that they have such huge medical bills that are not covered by insurance?

Is it the nanny costs that's stretching them financially? Won't insurance cover the nursing home and rehab? Our pretty crappy insurance is capped at $6K per family member per year.

I just don't understand.

I'm sorry about your friend's medical crisis, OP. That sound horrible and extremely stressful.

I don't think they have the right to ask for $$ before selling their weekend house or mortgaging their main house. But perhaps they are far more extended financially than you think (e.g. leased cars, both houses mortgaged, on FA at private schools, etc.). Some people who look wealthy are actually broke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wondered why Big Ang on Mob Wives had an online fundraising page to pay for her cancer medical treatments. I thought the women on the show were wealthy, plus they were paid well for being on a reality tv show. She needed to raise $25,000.

I saw that. I thought maybe just maybe her bar and her new home should foot the bill instead of internet begging. Her rich friends ?

Like my sister and a few others I know. They will cry and complain about bills then say they can't touch their savings. It's okay to drain mine as long as you have yours ?

I never give anymore unless I can directly help. I'll feed you, put gas in your car but I will not give you money. Nobody gives me anything to make my life easier.

[Anonymous]

Same questions as 11:49. My insurance has 4k out of pocket maximum. I have long term disability insurance and long term care inurance. We'd still need to make adjustments but it would save us from catastrophe. There are so many different things we can do before soliciting money from anyone. This sounds ridiculous. I think a nice thing for friends to do is try and alleviate the childcare burden if they can. Other than that i don't see an emergency here.

[Anonymous]

I agree is it strange and inappropriate that they are asking for cash gifts when they can liquidate assets. But, if you really want to be a friend, you will try to quietly stand by while they freak out in this way. It may take a year or two for them to regain some emotional balance. That's been my experience with family and friends who receive a life-changing diagnosis, or experience the death of a loved one.

[Anonymous]

My guess is all their assets are heavily leveraged and they have no ready means to liquidate any of it. Don't confuse fancy things with having actual money. But still--not your problem.

[Anonymous]

Then you pull your kids from private and put them in the local public. It'll be decent in a neighborhood of million dollar homes.

[Anonymous]

Not the OP, but it's possibly they felt they needed to go out of network (for ex to a place like Sloan Kettering or MD Anderson) and were balance billed. Or went in network and were balance billed. Or needed therapy (PT, OT) for a kid that wasn't covered. Or some combination of the above. costs for balance billing for out of network care and costs for care not covered by your insurance do not count towards your out of pocket max.

All that said, I can't believe anyone would ask friends for $$$ before selling a beach house and switching kids to public. (assuming no major issues with the kids that require private)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not the OP, but it's possibly they felt they needed to go out of network (for ex to a place like Sloan Kettering or MD Anderson) and were balance billed. Or went in network and were balance billed. Or needed therapy (PT, OT) for a kid that wasn't covered. Or some combination of the above. costs for balance billing for out of network care and costs for care not covered by your insurance do not count towards your out of pocket max.

All that said, I can't believe anyone would ask friends for $$$ before selling a beach house and switching kids to public. (assuming no major issues with the kids that require private)

Then that would be a CHOICE they made, and now it's time to face the consequences of that decision.

[Anonymous]

Don't give them any more money, OP.

They need to face reality and in their case it won't be too hard.

[Anonymous]

I have the same question. Money for what?
Was your friend working?
If her husband is a lawyer they have medical insurance.
Even a crappy policy wouldn't leave you with $100k of medical bills, but even so they have assets.

I think that with all the GOfundme and fundraisers people seriously believe that anything out of the ordinary shouldn't have to be paid for by them. Anything deemed unfair or sudden, tragic automatically becomes something "we shouldn't have to use our own money for this."

I assume something bad will happen to some member of my family at some point in our lives (include parents.) someone will get cancer, someone will get in a car accident, someone will have a sick child. Maybe not all of us, and maybe not all of those things, but it's life and something will happen eventually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A person I am close to, I won't say how, has been soliciting close friends and family for help with some truly major medical bills. I feel for her and her tragic, on going, chronic medical situation. But her husband is a lawyer, they live in a million dollar plus house, have multiple kids in private and own a beach house that is worth at least half a million dollars. I know these unforeseen medical costs are overwhelming and horrific, but can't you cut back in some other areas before hitting up friends and family for money? Sell your beach house maybe? Ask schools for no tuition for the remainder of the year? My family is not in a position to really help. We did donate $500 but that won't even make a ding.

I bet they are broadcasting the "cost" of the procedures, not what they are actually on the hook for. People do this all the time "my shoulder surgery cost me $18000". If you ask, you can find out that is what the hospital and doctors billed, the insurance paid out $15k, the hospital settled for $16k and the person had a $1k deductible and did four $250 payments.

[Anonymous]

Any obamacare compliant plan will cap out of pocket medical expenses unless the patient went out of network or had to pay for a medevac helicopter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They should sell the beach house first or at least mortgage it. I had to file for bankruptcy due to medical bills. It was a horrific embarassing exhausting experience. I had no other recourse because I had no assets that I could turn into cash to pay the bills.

Don't feel bad. Bankruptcy is a financial tool and sometimes the only option. It's not your fault you got sick.