Half siblings

[Anonymous]

I have a half sister I never knew growing up. She reached out and wants to have a relationship as adults, but I am just not interested. Not because she is not a nice person, but because it seems forced. Why would we be close when we did not grow up sharing common experiences?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Three half-siblings (not referred to as such except when the obnoxious stranger says "oh, you're HALF-siblings"). All three are adolescents and I'm thirty with a family - obviously life circumstances are quite different but I love them all. I think because we're closest in age and are our mother's only kids, I'm closest with my eldest half-brother, but really appreciate spending time with and learning from my dad's two younger teens, too.

Why is that obnoxious for a stranger to say? Is it because you feel it is trying to diminish your relationship? I have half siblings that I'm not terribly close to, we are more like friendly but distant cousins, and the only time I don't use the half to refer to them is in front of my Dad. We didn't grow up in the same household, so if we were sitting around talking about our childhoods it would be confusing to someone.

[Anonymous]

My older DD is half siblings with my two younger DDs. I don't think anyone has ever referred to them as such though-- they're just sisters. However all 3 live together besides the one night a week older DD is at her dad's. Older DD doesn't have any full siblings so there is nothing to compare it to.

I would assume that if her dad had kids, their relationship might be different because she doesn't live with him and she's so much older now. But maybe not, who knows.

My DH has 2 half brothers that he was not close to growing up (he lived with his mom, the brothers are from his dad), but they are relatively close now. He started a business with one and the other moved out here. He doesn't hold onto any grudges though, which helps, and also though his dad favored the other boys clearly while growing up, he does not do so now and is a great grandpa, which I think helps foster DHs relationship with his brothers.

[Anonymous]

My half-brother is 13 years older and he lived with his mom (our father divorced and remarried). When I was little, he was a teenager and visited our home, and we had a good relationship. Then we didn't see each other for a few years due to unrelated circumstances. When we reconnected, he was an adult, and it was different. I still see him occasionally when visiting family, but we are not close. Some days he's fine, but others he's really obnoxious, and I just don't feel like making an effort. My dad also complains about him not visiting, etc., even though he lives nearby.

[Anonymous]

DH has 2 "full" and 2 "half" siblings. They never refer to each other as such, but there are different relationships among the half and the full based upon choices made by the parents. The 3 "full" siblings spent the summer out of state with their bio dad at the lake with lots and lots of cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc. Those months spent having fun and being away from the abusive step-dad irrevocably altered the relationships among the siblings and changes the course job the their lives.

[Anonymous]

They are much younger than me. 10-15 years younger. I always tried to think of them as "full siblings" but they never thought of me that way. They were raised very different and are a bit spoiled, thoughtless.

[Anonymous]

I have two older "half" siblings who are full siblings to each other. I am my dad's only child, but no one in my family sees it that way. If you ask my dad he has three kids. They were his kids for years before I was even born! I am close to both of my siblings. My mom was adopted as a teen and it changed her life. We were raised with a family is family attitude. Blood has nothing to do with the love a family has for each other

[Anonymous]

My parents split up when I was a toddler, he re-married right away. Despite living in the same area, I barely saw him. Other than child support checks, I had little to no relationship with him. I knew he had more kids but I didn't meet them until they all showed up at my college graduation. Now that was awkward. They clearly didn't want to be there. I didn't want them there. So imagine my shock when my father called out of the blue and asked why they were not invited to my wedding. Come again, old man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a half sister I never knew growing up. She reached out and wants to have a relationship as adults, but I am just not interested. Not because she is not a nice person, but because it seems forced. Why would we be close when we did not grow up sharing common experiences?

Maybe because it's nice to have more people in your life who care about you? Not being snarky but I have thought about reaching out to a long lost niece for a few years now, I hope she doesn't respond the same way you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the only child between my mom and dad. All of my siblings are half siblings.

I'm closer with the siblings my mom gave birth too. Good relationship with the others.

I have friends with similar situations and we have talked about this - it's usually mama bear that works to keep her cubs together.

My half siblings with my dad and his wife we are not nearly as close. My half siblings with my mom and their father - she never allowed me to even think of them as a "half brother".

I hunk it goes back to what the mom emphasizes to the children.

My "brother" is biologically my half brother, he's 7 years older than me. We share the same mother and were raised in the same home by our mother and my father. My brother also has another half brother (they have the same father).

My brother recently moved out of state but up until then we were very close, especially throughout our childhoods. However, he is not close at all with his brother. They very rarely saw each other as children and though I think they check in with each other every once in a while, it's definitely more like a distant cousin relationship than a sibling.

I think having the same mother, or father if that's who is raising the children full time, is what makes the difference. Also, because I have no other siblings, I don't really know what it's like to feel any differently. I can compare it to friends though and I feel pretty sure my brother and I have a pretty typical relationship, like "full" siblings would.

[Anonymous]

I have a half-sibling (although I don't refer to her as such) that I met when she was 16 and I was 4. She was from one of my dad's previous marriages and sought him out when she was 16.

She was super punk rock and I thought she was the coolest thing ever. After that initial meeting my other sibs and I probably saw her once or twice a year (we were in the midwest, she was on the east coast) but I've always considered her my sister. As we got older we definitely got closer. I guess I am technically closer to my "full" siblings in the sense that my sister closest in age to me (2.5 years older) is probably my best friend and confidant. BUT I think that is probably more due to the age than the half or full.

I love my half sister and would do anything for her (as would my other sibs) and she feels the same way about us - I'm even her kids' appointed guardian if anything should ever happen to her (G-d forbid).

In any case - I think it is a lot to do with the way the parents deal with it. Her mom and family was very welcoming, my dad was very welcoming (my mom was not but luckily that didn't rub off on us)

I do have other half sibs from my dad's first marriage but I've never met them so I don't consider them anything really. Should they ever reach out (or if we could ever find them) I'd absolutely love to have a relationship with them and honestly would probably still think of them as my sisters even though I doubt we'd ever be close (due to time and extreme age difference)

That being said, I really think it's how you were brought up to consider family. One of my sisters has two step daughters they are just my nieces (not step-nieces) and they consider their two half-sisters as just their sisters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three half-siblings (not referred to as such except when the obnoxious stranger says "oh, you're HALF-siblings"). All three are adolescents and I'm thirty with a family - obviously life circumstances are quite different but I love them all. I think because we're closest in age and are our mother's only kids, I'm closest with my eldest half-brother, but really appreciate spending time with and learning from my dad's two younger teens, too.

Why is that obnoxious for a stranger to say? Is it because you feel it is trying to diminish your relationship? I have half siblings that I'm not terribly close to, we are more like friendly but distant cousins, and the only time I don't use the half to refer to them is in front of my Dad. We didn't grow up in the same household, so if we were sitting around talking about our childhoods it would be confusing to someone.

Because it's not appropriate and someone's feelings can be easily hurt. Honestly they are horrible terms, it's no different then "the adopted child".

[Anonymous]

What I don't understand is how could someone not even acknowledge their own sibling. Maybe I am putting too much weight on family. Everyone's family is unique and has its own joys and issues, so I am not judging those who do write off their siblings. I just have a very hard time doing so.

I have never met my HS. I learned about her when I was a teenager and tried to reach out. We had minimal communication, but really she wanted nothing to do with me. She wants nothing to do with me mainly b/c of the sins of our shared father, who neither one of us have ever lived with. 35 years later and we are grown folks with kids and our own families. It just makes really sad that our families were robbed of getting to know each other b/c of some shit our father did years ago that I'm not even aware of that has absolutely nothing to do with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a half sister I never knew growing up. She reached out and wants to have a relationship as adults, but I am just not interested. Not because she is not a nice person, but because it seems forced. Why would we be close when we did not grow up sharing common experiences?

Everyone's situation is different so if you truly don't want to then don't. Can't force what you don't feel. I know a lady who has 3 kids with her ex, they divorced and he had 2 with a gf. None of them consider those kids to be related nor do they acknowledge them. Not uncommon when the kids are raised in one household and then the other parent has more with someone else. It creates a lot of animosity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I don't understand is how could someone not even acknowledge their own sibling. Maybe I am putting too much weight on family. Everyone's family is unique and has its own joys and issues, so I am not judging those who do write off their siblings. I just have a very hard time doing so.

I have never met my HS. I learned about her when I was a teenager and tried to reach out. We had minimal communication, but really she wanted nothing to do with me. She wants nothing to do with me mainly b/c of the sins of our shared father, who neither one of us have ever lived with. 35 years later and we are grown folks with kids and our own families. It just makes really sad that our families were robbed of getting to know each other b/c of some shit our father did years ago that I'm not even aware of that has absolutely nothing to do with me.

Many only consider the sibling they were raised with the only siblings. For example, say the dad left mom and the kids for a new gf. Then down the road he get's her pregnant. Often that family may not accept dad's kids with another woman. Common theme.