How to motivate 6th grader who is disinterested in school and careless about his assignments?
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Anonymous
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Thanks everyone. I will take your advice to heart, and I'm trying to get smarter about inattentive ADHD.
But I gotta say, I am pretty skeptical - and even more so about the idea of medicating him. I do believe that inattentive ADHD is real and really does do a number on some kids. I wish there had been more awareness when my brother was young; he really suffered in school (but is a happy successful adult fwiw.) But my son isn't unfocused from what I can tell. He's disinterested and immature. I have no doubt I could get someone to diagnose him with something. But this really bothers me: " Please don't take offense at this comparison, but it sounds like performance enhancing drugs for athletes, or the high-achieving HS kids I read about who steal Ritalin to help them manage their homework. I'm really averse to going that route, even if it's not uncommon around here. Like I said, I've got to get smarter about inattentive ADHD. If I can actually see symptoms in my son, I'd be more persuaded. But this idea that any kid who is floundering in school must by definition have a learning disability strikes me as deterministic. I've got a kid who can absorb incredible depths of trivia about Star Wars, but somehow his brain needs meds to punctuate properly? He can focus on legos but not on schoolwork? |
Anonymous
| Is there somewhere he can excel -- some sport or activity that he enjoys and where he could feel good about himself (maybe a Lego or computer club)? Might help with the self esteem and also helpful to see how he does in a different environment. |
Anonymous
Most kids with ADHD can hyperfocus on some things--do some research. There is a difference between a high performing athlete taking drugs to be even better and a kid who struggles to bring his grade up from a 41. I'm not saying your child has ADHD or ADD, but it is offensive for you to compare kids taking ADHD medication with athletes who take steroids to cheat. Good luck in resolving the issues your son is having, but try not to be so judgmental while you go down that path. |
Anonymous
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Uninterested
Disinterested means unbiased |
Anonymous
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This could describe my 7th grader, is was diagnosed in 2nd grade with ADHD.
Recently I had him tested for auditory processing disorder (I took him for a hearing test b/c he always talks loudly and doesn't seem to listen, the hearing test was fine and the audiologist recommended a screening for APD). At the screening for APD, the assessor believes he was mis diagnosed with ADHD and has Stealth Dyslexia. i had never heard of it before, but we are moving forward with therapy for it. |
Anonymous
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OP again - I guess I'm just amazed that almost every answer here suggests some kind of learning disability. Is it really not possible for a kid to do poorly in school because s/he is lazy or immature or just not terribly motivated anymore? Is there no other DCUM who had a kid flounder in middle school without finding a neurological cause?
8:07 PP, I will do more reading on inattentive ADHD. But while the criteria seem pretty vague, my son doesn't seem like a textbook case. He isn't easily distracted, he isn't forgetful, he doesn't have difficulty sustaining attention on many things, he has a great memory. He just doesn't like school! I'm not ruling out a neurological explanation but I think it's wrong to presume that it is or to fail to consider anything other than a neuropsych consult and drugs to address an 11yo's academic mediocrity. And yes, 8:08 PP, uninterested, not disinterested. Thank you! |
Anonymous
Most people, including adults, can't focus on things that they find boring and tedious, and usually end up doing a crap job. Most people don't have adhd. Example: My DH is very handy around the house. But when it comes to tiling, he can't stand the grout work. Guess what... the grout work turns out to be crap, and everything else is great. My DC (in a gifted program) can't stand one particular subject. It's not a surprise that DC's grades in this particular subject are less than stellar. I could go on and on with examples of myself and my other DC. |
Anonymous
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OP, can you check his HW a few times before he turns it in? Ask him if he can spot the mistakes (like spelling, punctuation, etc...). A few times, I've had my DS re-read what he wrote. He spots the errors and fixes them. When he doesn't review his work (because he's lazy and/or doesn't care) there are lots of sloppy mistakes. Same for my DD. I tell my kids all the time that when they are done with their work, if they have time, review what they wrote to make sure. I know they don't do it all of the time, but I'm hoping one day this will become habit.
They care about their grades but not to the point where they make sure their work is perfect. It's the "I want to be good at something without trying too hard" syndrome. My DS has this issue with sports, too. Doesn't want to practice, but wants to be good at it. I know of a MSer who sort of had your DS's issue. Smart kid; can do well, but just didn't care about grades. Parents really hounded him. He is now in HS and doing better. I think MS is hard on most kids. My DH and I didn't start to do well in school until we hit HS. If you are sure that his issue is not medical (adhd or whatever), maybe you could use the carrot/stick approach? Why should he be rewarded with <whatever> if he doesn't do his best at <some schoolwork>? Maybe say, get him to a B from a C. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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OP, I, apparently, may be that one person in DCUM land who agrees with you! My DS is kind of like yours. In our area 6th grade is still elementary school so there is still easier grading etc by the teachers and so the issues are less noticeable. I think my DS partly is just a very young person for his age and I wish I had redshirted him in K for that. His birthday is late spring so it would have been fine.
Anyway, literally think of him as younger really helps me -- so I have less judgement and frustration regarding schoolwork. I check his blackboard every other day (quick look at the app on my phone) just to have a sense of what he should be doing. I have lots of stories from friends and just reading online of people saying they didn't do that well in school, didn't care, etc until they were in college and found something they really liked. These stories help me from feeling so anxious about it! Going to any state school will be fine with me. I am more focused, long term, on him having a particular career plan. Something he would want to do. (But I have lots of extended family members who got good grades in college but came out with zero direction or skills and really floundered.) Sorry for the long post. |
Anonymous
| New poster- yup, this sounds like my inattentive ADHD son. We have 504 for writing but could probably use IEP. He's on medication, which had been a tremendous help. Also, he has a weekly tutor that gives him skills and strategies to help with his writing and organization issues. I feel bad for your kid --this is tough for him and I'm sure he doesn't feel great about this. Please get help for him before his self esteem suffers, he decides he's stupid and can't do the work. I'll bet he's a a really bright kid, which makes this all the more difficult. |
Anonymous
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OP, I posted twice before, about my 5th grader with ADHD. You are expressing healthy skepticism, which is right. A few months ago, DH and I were saying exactly the same thing. All we're telling you is to keep an open mind, and be ready to invest money on an evaluation. Even if your son does not have a diagnosis, the evaluation will be extremely informative and will tell you where his strengths and weaknesses lie, which is always helpful in knowing how to coach him and which path might be better for him. Please go to a reputable practice, since pediatricians are not experts and may mis-diagnose him. The truth is that old attitudes about high and low-achieving students need to go away. Many under-performing students really do have issues that can be fixed. The field of mental health has been the last to make progress in recent years, unlike more traditional medical research. Instead of saying: "he's unmotivated, there's nothing we can do", psychologists can now say: "he has X,Y, Z form of ADHD or whatever it is, and we recommend such-and-such a routine at home, such-and-such accommodations at school, and possibly meds". Much progress can be made for many disorders, unless your child has a low IQ, and even then there are certain interventions that work! People need to embrace the novel idea that the brain can be prepped and coached, just like the body. It's not Tiger parenting, it's just parenting using our modern knowledge of how the brain works. Why shouldn't we prep atypical brains to be more functional in our society, if it doesn't take away their creativity and uniqueness? And it's not cheating. Cheating is when you're perfectly healthy, don't need accommodations, and you still take them. I know that to a certain generation of parents, who saw classmates being put in the corner of the class, or sent to the principal for various school misdeeds, including inattention stemming from ADHD, it seems weird to treat instead of punish, but when you think about it, it makes a lot more sense and it's a lot more fair! |
Anonymous
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Many kids with ADHD or other learning disabilities struggle with executive function. This sounds like much of what you are describing. This shows up in essay writing, organization, or work that requires following multi-step directions. I am a teacher and I have students who struggle with executive function who are the last to leave my room each period because they have to think (hard!) about each step required to pack up thir backpack. This can look like they are dawdling or being lazy, but it is not.
You may also consider the book The Motivation Breakthrough by Richard Lavoie. It is for both parents and teachers and gives a lot of practical advice on how to motivate kids. Another thing to consider is that the work is becoming more abstract. A lot of kids start to struggle in middle and high school as the work becomes more abstract and they are not ready for it. This can be particularly difficult for kids with good rote memories who excelled in elementary school when the work was more at the literal level. |
Anonymous
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If you think he is just lazy, get the book "The Well Behaved Child" by John Rosemond.
He advocates consequences and getting kids to take responsibility for their own work. I am the PP with he son who was diagnosed with ADHD in second grade and was recently told he might have stealth dyslexia. My son had a horrible reaction to 2 different meds, so I used the above referenced book to work on behavior modification without medication. A very helpful book on working on executive function is "That Crumpled Paper was Due Last Week", by Ana Homayoun. She gives good solid advice on study skills, scheduling time, how to write a paper, etc. I am not ruling out medicine in the future, but right now we are working on other coping skills. Best. |