My family repeatedly insults me

[Anonymous]

OP you need to limit your exposure to these toxic people. Do you have friends? Focus on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I go because I love the holidays and pry every year they will change or mature a little. This doesn't happen every holiday but 9 out of 10 times. I've noticed the more I branch out on my own and start working towards my goals, they started doing this. I think they are jealous as many f theme never accomplished much in their lives in terms of education or careers.

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up for different reasons. I do walk out of the room and stick up for myself but it doesn't seem to matter. They claim it's a joke and I'm being a " big baby" but I don't think I am. They used to do this to my brother a little until he threatened my brother and he backed off.

Every family picks on each other and jokes about things but my family takes it to extremes some of the time. I'm convinced my mother is jealous because she always made angry commend about how my ex was well off and how I didn't deserve it. I think she is jealous she was a teen mom and did not accomplish anything but having kids. She has never worked and doesn't have a high school education.

My dad is the only great one but they are divorced and he lives far away. She also hates me because I'm his child and he left her. She treats my other siblings better because they are my stepdads kids.

They aren't going to change without serious therapy. But you can. Don't be helpless/hopeless. Seize control of your life. Remove yourself from an abusive situation. Build a real family out of friends if need be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I go because I love the holidays and pry every year they will change or mature a little. This doesn't happen every holiday but 9 out of 10 times. I've noticed the more I branch out on my own and start working towards my goals, they started doing this. I think they are jealous as many f theme never accomplished much in their lives in terms of education or careers.

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up for different reasons. I do walk out of the room and stick up for myself but it doesn't seem to matter. They claim it's a joke and I'm being a " big baby" but I don't think I am. They used to do this to my brother a little until he threatened my brother and he backed off.

Every family picks on each other and jokes about things but my family takes it to extremes some of the time. I'm convinced my mother is jealous because she always made angry commend about how my ex was well off and how I didn't deserve it. I think she is jealous she was a teen mom and did not accomplish anything but having kids. She has never worked and doesn't have a high school education.

My dad is the only great one but they are divorced and he lives far away. She also hates me because I'm his child and he left her. She treats my other siblings better because they are my stepdads kids.

They aren't going to change without serious therapy. But you can. Don't be helpless/hopeless. Seize control of your life. Remove yourself from an abusive situation. Build a real family out of friends if need be.

Please listen to this advice. Get help to heal. Cut off the abusive jerks. Start building new relationships with peon who treat you with love and respect.

[Anonymous]

^ people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to limit your exposure to these toxic people. Do you have friends? Focus on them.

Yes. I have many friends. I live in my own and rarely talk to my family except for family occasions. I am very happy and content in every aspect of my life besides my family. My family will Bonaire with questions about why I never call or see them. I tell them about how I'm unhappy with the way they treat me and my mom will yell that I exaggerate and think I'm better than them. I guess I was hoping I wouldn't have to cut them out completely.

My dad lives in Australia so I don't see him often.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am guessing that you could easily see them less but are going back to them like a dog returns to vomit because the only attention you've ever received your entire life has been negative.

You didn't mention your dad. Do you have any positive relationships, even friends? When was the last time someone commended or encouraged you?

[Anonymous]

My SO has some family like this. He completely, totally cut off contact. It hurts, but he's happier and mentally healthier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am guessing that you could easily see them less but are going back to them like a dog returns to vomit because the only attention you've ever received your entire life has been negative.

You didn't mention your dad. Do you have any positive relationships, even friends? When was the last time someone commended or encouraged you?

I commented on my dad and my life outside my family. I have a very happy life with loving friends. I have a great relationship with my dad's side of the family. My oldest sister and I are ok but she goes to NY for the holidays. It's mostly my mom. U think she resents me because I remind her of my dad.

Also, I wasn't always treated this way. This behavior has only started 3-4 years ago except for my nom.

[Anonymous]

OP they aren't jealous of you. They don't like you because there is something about you that is different from them. If they are abusive to you, say that to them. Tell them you love them and want a relationship with them but you aren't taking their abuse anymore.

[Anonymous]

Every family picks on each other and jokes about things..

Nope. In my family, we may gently tease, but nobody picks on anyone. Nobody hurts anyone's feelings and nobody cries or wants to cry. A friend had to teach me that we all have two families - the one we come from, and the one we create (either through spouse/children or friends or a combo of the two).

Some people are lucky enough that both their families can co-exist and they can move between the two with ease. But some people only socialize with their second family. At every family event DH and I have, we invite friends who can't leave town to go home, friends who are estranged from their families, friends who don't have family, etc. You say you have lots of friends. Let them be your adult family. Your family of origin is not going to change. You will not change them. They will not stop. Distance yourself.

[Anonymous]

Yeah no one picks on anyone in my family, that's not needs wrist the norm. We discuss things and people disagree with others Opinions and actions but no living or egging on.

[Anonymous]

OP, your post makes me so sad. I grew up with a similarly dysfunctional family, although not as bad as yours sounds. I was frequently told I was too sensitive, imagining things, wrong about things, etc. After loads and loads of therapy, I finally understand my family. They are extremely damaged and emotionally restricted people. My mom has been through some really rough experiences, and her coping mechanism is to develop a narrow set of "acceptable" life choices - hers - and mock everything else. It makes her feel safe, and she is not emotionally aware enough to see how damaging it is to others.

The dynamic in your family is toxic. You may not be able to see it since you are so immersed in it, but no one should ever have to deal with being mocked and insulted by their family. I don't care how tough or strong you are - that takes a toll on you. It has to. The fact that you sound so blasé about it makes me think that you have coped with it by becoming numb to it - which makes perfect sense, but that creates its own set of problems.

Have you done any therapy? I strongly suggest it. And in the interim, I would limit (or eliminate) your exposure to your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to limit your exposure to these toxic people. Do you have friends? Focus on them.

Yes. I have many friends. I live in my own and rarely talk to my family except for family occasions. I am very happy and content in every aspect of my life besides my family. My family will Bonaire with questions about why I never call or see them. I tell them about how I'm unhappy with the way they treat me and my mom will yell that I exaggerate and think I'm better than them. I guess I was hoping I wouldn't have to cut them out completely.

My dad lives in Australia so I don't see him often.

Your dad left for a reason. He probably saw the same problems. It is useless to demand respect from a family that won't give it.

[Anonymous]

Op, you have the control of what length of time you visit and where you will visit and what you will cause you to excuse yourself and know it's time to head home. Always have an escape plan.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry your family sucks. Stay away from them. You are going to be fine, OP!