Why are Jewish Women less willing to date outside of their race/circle than Jewish Men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought it was way more obvious than all these overly long posts.

Pretty much every post has given the same answer, so what is this 'obvious' answer that we are all missing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think women in general keep traditions (not religious practices) more. I'm Jewish and I knew I wanted to do Passover Seder, Jewish camps, etc but not necessarily religious stuff (like keeping kosher or joining a synagogue). So when I started considering marriage for my future, I looked for men with Jewish backgrounds so they would understand the home life I wanted. My brother, on the other hand, was focused on who was hot and fun. He met his non-Jewish wife in a bar. He never wanted to be in charge of home life but he's married with kids and doesn't party anymore. He's suddenly realized that if he wants his kids to know what Passover is, he has to do something about it.

I bet you treat your sil wonderfully! From your post it sounds like you think there are two options for your brother - hot and fun or nice and Jewish. Maybe some of the hot and fun women your brother dated were also nice and possibly marriage material?

I do. She's lovely. However, his criteria was hot and fun and then after a few years, they wanted to get married. There are obviously a mix of types out there; however, his criteria was focused on short term only. In my experience, women look more at long term.

[Anonymous]

I hate to say this OP but women sometimes say they don't want to date outside their religion as a way of letting you down easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are generally more invested in raising children with religion (women who are religious that is). Marrying outside of your religion makes doing that vastly more complicated. Unnecessarily complicated IMO. (I intermarried and we make it work, but I don't recommend it.)

\

Not always true. I intermarried, but we are both nonreligious, except for popular holidays. I know several interfaith couples, including one in which the DH converted and three in which the DW converted to Judaism, but most of the ones I know "make it work" without anybody converting to anything. It works well for us because we were both secular anyway. I DO recommend it!

The PP referred specifically to women who are religious.

[Anonymous]

I'm a Jewish woman married to a non-Jewish man. DH will freely admit that he's always had a thing for Jewish women, so I guess he's a lucky guy! I dated both Jews and gentiles when I was younger. The one thing that all of my non-Jewish boyfriends had in common is that they weren't religious. I was always open to marrying someone not Jewish, but I never wanted to be married to someone who practiced a different religion, since I was adamant about raising Jewish children. DH was raised Catholic, but has been an atheist since he was a teenager. Like a PP's husband, he can best be described as "Jew-ish" since he's happy to go along with raising our kids Jewish. He's in no way interested in converting, but he finds the religion academically interesting.

OP, where do you fall on the religion scale? Many of my female Jewish friends share my philosophy, and are open to dating/marrying non-Jews as long as they aren't religious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a Jewish woman married to a non-Jewish man. DH will freely admit that he's always had a thing for Jewish women, so I guess he's a lucky guy! I dated both Jews and gentiles when I was younger. The one thing that all of my non-Jewish boyfriends had in common is that they weren't religious. I was always open to marrying someone not Jewish, but I never wanted to be married to someone who practiced a different religion, since I was adamant about raising Jewish children. DH was raised Catholic, but has been an atheist since he was a teenager. Like a PP's husband, he can best be described as "Jew-ish" since he's happy to go along with raising our kids Jewish. He's in no way interested in converting, but he finds the religion academically interesting.

OP, where do you fall on the religion scale? Many of my female Jewish friends share my philosophy, and are open to dating/marrying non-Jews as long as they aren't religious.

Same here. DH is an atheist, and when we were getting married, did a lot of reading about how atheism can fit into Judaism and vice versa. I think I'd have a harder time if he was another religion, although I also find other religions academically interesting.

[Anonymous]

Interesting to me that raised Christian atheists made good husbands for Jewish women, but my raised Jewish atheist ex husband was such a terrible fit with my Catholic self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting to me that raised Christian atheists made good husbands for Jewish women, but my raised Jewish atheist ex husband was such a terrible fit with my Catholic self.

PP. I think a lot of it has to do with the needs of the individuals and the dynamic of the couple, of course, as well as fulfillment of expectations set before marriage. But there's a HUGE space in Judaism for atheism, unlike many other religions, so it can, I think, be more of a natural fit.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a very serious relationship with a Jewish woman. On the marriage track, and I am Gentile.

I've found that most of her female Jewish friends are dating or are married to Gentile men. And actually, most of her female Jewish friends who are divorced initially married a Jewish guy and are now seeing Gentiles.

I think it all depends on the degree of religiosity and # of generations in the US. She and her friends are mostly secular, yet like to celebrate the major holidays (especially if kids or nieces/nephews are involved). I like participating in the holiday traditions, but she doesn't keep kosher, doesn't go to temple weekly, doesn't study Torah, and does not belong to a minyon. The minority of her friends who recently moved here from Israel are WAY more religious. The friends she went to HS with and are 3rd+ generation American are very secular.

In particular, I think she finds Jewish men too traditional and dependent on gender roles. While she does like "being taken care of" sometimes, she also does not want to be stifled by domestic or religious life. I think Jewish women are much more emancipated and have been at the forefront of feminist thought and leadership roles in the workplace. That tends to clash with the stereotypical Jewish man who is looking to "marry his mother."

YMMV, obviously.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a very serious relationship with a Jewish woman. On the marriage track, and I am Gentile.

I've found that most of her female Jewish friends are dating or are married to Gentile men. And actually, most of her female Jewish friends who are divorced initially married a Jewish guy and are now seeing Gentiles.

I think it all depends on the degree of religiosity and # of generations in the US. She and her friends are mostly secular, yet like to celebrate the major holidays (especially if kids or nieces/nephews are involved). I like participating in the holiday traditions, but she doesn't keep kosher, doesn't go to temple weekly, doesn't study Torah, and does not belong to a minyon. The minority of her friends who recently moved here from Israel are WAY more religious. The friends she went to HS with and are 3rd+ generation American are very secular.

In particular, I think she finds Jewish men too traditional and dependent on gender roles. While she does like "being taken care of" sometimes, she also does not want to be stifled by domestic or religious life. I think Jewish women are much more emancipated and have been at the forefront of feminist thought and leadership roles in the workplace. That tends to clash with the stereotypical Jewish man who is looking to "marry his mother."

YMMV, obviously.

There are different rules in Israel as to who is Jewish and not Jewish. Many American Jews( and also Israel Jews) marriages are not recognized in Israel. There is a thriving travel/marriage industry in Israel where couple leave the country to get married.

[Anonymous]

Jewish man married to non-Jewish woman. Men, on average, aren't thinking about relationships when they approach women. My DW was hot, we started dating, having sex, fell in love, etc. Women are generally more thoughtful on who they date.

[Anonymous]

Can't help you. I married a goy. It was a lot easier to find an exciting gentile man not repressed by his mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Jewish brother married a shiksa. She converted to Judaism.

Please don't use that term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't help you. I married a goy. It was a lot easier to find an exciting gentile man not repressed by his mother

Apparently not to gentile women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jewish man married to non-Jewish woman. Men, on average, aren't thinking about relationships when they approach women. My DW was hot, we started dating, having sex, fell in love, etc. Women are generally more thoughtful on who they date.

Sad but true.