Ugh, I understand what they are doing, but...

[Anonymous]

I have kids now, but before I did, I did exactly what your family did when visiting my sibling and their two small children (3 days with them, and then 3 days of relaxation time). The chaos of everyone packed into a home and the noise of the small children got to be a bit much to me and my spouse after a while. Yes, your brother and SIL have 6 vacation days, but that's not that much--don't blame them for having a few days of relaxation time after visiting you. We all need to unwind!

[Anonymous]

Do you ever go and visit them or do you always expect them to be the ones who travel because you have kids and they don't? My BIL and SIL had kids five years before we did and they acted like it was always our job to travel on the holidays to their house and they never had to travel to ours. We did get annoyed after a while. Just because they don't have kids does not mean that their lives are empty and they would not like to stay home on the holidays sometimes and have people visit them. Before you get annoyed, think about the reasonableness of your own expectations.

[Anonymous]

OP, you've stated a few times you would do the same thing if you were them.

So why do you expect them to do something you yourself wouldn't do?

You are SO unreasonable it sort of hurts my head a little.

[Anonymous]

Give them your room and sleep in the kids room or the couch. I wouldn't stay long - if I had kids or no kids staying in a small house on a pull-out couch. Or, if your kids room can be made comfortable, move the kids in your room. We have a tiny house but always try to make others comfortable.

[Anonymous]

I think I get it. OP, when you don't really want to visit someone (like the inlaws you mentioned) you try to make it a very short, 3 day trip. Therefore, you assume that when others spend only 3 days with you, it is for the same reason. So you're kinda hurt now that you think they don't really, really want to be there without any sense of obligation. The thing you are missing is that their three days might not (probably doesn't) have anything to do with why you only spend three days because they are not you.

[Anonymous]

They don't have kids. They clearly are willing to spend time with yours, and with your family, but why wouldn't two working adults want a few days of vacation TO THEMSELVES and not stepping on Legos and chit-chatting about Little Billy's soccer camp? Sounds like heaven to me, and I'm a mom!

[Anonymous]

Op, you are being ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Wasn't it Benjamin Franklin who said "fish and visitors begin to smell after 3 days"?
3 days is about the longest visit I am capable of, personally. I don't think 3 days is a short trip at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 full days is a long stay

+2 = self and Ben Franklin "Fish and visitors smell after three days!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do they have jobs to be at the rest of the week? Not everyone has time off.

That was my thought as well. Or it might be that they only want to spend 3 days with family and that's all they can handle. This is what works for them so let it go.

[Anonymous]

OP, 3 days is a lonnggg time in a small house with a grandmother and 2 small children. Not a short trip. The only way I would stay longer is if I turned it into a vacation and added a few days at a hotel. OP, you want way too much. Be glad they are coming to see you.

[Anonymous]

^^
Oops, sorry 16:22-- jinx! We were almost same time, but exact same thought!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They don't have kids. They clearly are willing to spend time with yours, and with your family, but why wouldn't two working adults want a few days of vacation TO THEMSELVES and not stepping on Legos and chit-chatting about Little Billy's soccer camp? Sounds like heaven to me, and I'm a mom!

If only all parents were as self-aware as this...adults with no kids like to be adults with no kids, sometimes! They want some true holiday to themselves, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The time off isn't a factor - they are continuing their own tour of my state after leaving our house. And I most certainly would NEVER say anything to them. I totally get what they are doing - as I've stated - and I would do the same. Just to be on the receiving end, knowing that your family is pretty much coming out of obligation and is basically doing it to be nice - just kind of stinks. I definitely appreciate their efforts.

OP - I don't understand why you assume staying for 3 days = knowing that your family is pretty much coming out of obligation and is basically doing it to be nice. I think you are making assumptions and feeling badly over nothing.

Yes, I think you're reading a lot into this. And, I have to say, if you are the kind of person who regularly misinterprets stuff like this, well, maybe they want to spend less time with you. Sorry to say that, OP, but that's what I'm wondering now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you ever go and visit them or do you always expect them to be the ones who travel because you have kids and they don't? My BIL and SIL had kids five years before we did and they acted like it was always our job to travel on the holidays to their house and they never had to travel to ours. We did get annoyed after a while. Just because they don't have kids does not mean that their lives are empty and they would not like to stay home on the holidays sometimes and have people visit them. Before you get annoyed, think about the reasonableness of your own expectations.

Yep, my DH and I are always the ones who "have" to travel, because we don't have kids. Because, we are infertile and unable to have kids. Yay. We will never be able to have Christmas at our house unless we just want a fun Christmas day alone. (Which is fine, lots of people do it.) Actually, we will be doing that soon, because I think my parents health is failing quickly and do not think they will be there to need us to provide Christmas for them next year. And, we aren't going there to decorate my parent's empty house for my sibling and family so their "traditions" they refuse to budge on can be maintained. Ok, I admit that vent had nothing to do with OP. Just feeling stabby at this time of year.

But, 3 days is plenty OP. Be grateful your in-laws willingly pay to travel to visit you, so you don't have to pack the kids and everyone up and pay to visit them, on top of all other Christmas expenses.