Do your in-laws send you their Christmas present list or is it just mine?

[Anonymous]

I would love if ILs did this. Have no clue what to get them and hate guessing as I'm sure it will just end up donated or sitting in a closet. I do ask them though, it's ride that they just send it. Can you use the list as a guide of things they are interested in?

[Anonymous]

Every family has their own holiday traditions and gift giving culture, and this is your DH's as you say he thinks it's NBD. Work out between the two of you what you can afford and tell him to buy what he wants from the list or deal with his family himself. There is zero reason for you to get yourself worked up over this.

[Anonymous]

A few years ago, after THnkasgiving dinner, we were still sitting at the table and decided to go around and offer something we'd like for Christmas. After a round or two, my brother said, wait a sec and started writing it down.

Then he inputted it all into some app online that we can all access that has each of our lists. Those of us with kids added lists for the kids.

It take out some of the spontaneity, sure, but it means we don't get as many random things that don't suit at all. We each list things that we like, that we might want, that we might be considering buying for ourselves. Some people list specific items (THIS sweater with link), most list just sort of generic things. There's a range of prices and items.

For the kids, it's been really good. My family is very scattered and my parents see the kids only a few times a year. It's helpful for them to know the 9 year old is still into American Girl, or no longer interested in Monster High. And with cell phones, you can be in a store and look up someone's list to see if it would be a good present. For me, well, for example, last year I noticed we were short of spatulas - they'd gotten warped, or ripped. I could certainly buy my own spatulas, of course. But I put spatulas on my list, got a handful, and it was a better present than something random.

[Anonymous]

I wish to god we could forgo all Christmas gift giving.

But it's not happening.

So when my mother asks for my Christmas wish lists, for me and my DH as well as the kids, I tell her a few items. I decided it was a kindness to her since she genuinely wants to know and prevents her from getting tons of random crap we don't want.

BUT....I hate the whole thing. I do not tell my kids that lists are being requested.

[Anonymous]

Mine did that. I hated it. We barely got presents when I was a kid. I think it is greedy for an adult to ask for a present and then to tell you specifically what they want. Crock.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't like this situation but if it is normal for your husband's family you are out of luck.

My dad emailed us a Christmas list this year out of the blue, but it had things like pajamas and caramel popcorn on it, so its not exactly going to break the bank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do not exchange with grown adults.

Same here. If we exchanged with all adult siblings and parents, we would have to buy at least 13 additional gifts. That's crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My stepmom did this exact same thing to me this year -- sent an email with a list of gift demands and then asked me to respond within a week with my own Christmas list. DH and I are also expecting our first and money is also tight for us, but at least they asked for gift cards so we can spend as much as we can afford.

Nevertheless, it's incredibly rude for grown adults to send a list of gift requests without being ASKED to first provide that list.

Wait, I'm sorry. Did you say that your family is requesting gift cards for Christmas from you?

We do Christmas morning with my parents, brother, sister, BIL, and sis' and our kids, but last year my sister/BIL and I/DH didn't exchange gifts. My parents gave us some money, so that meant the four of us only had one gift each to open on Christmas morning, from my brother. So we reinstituted gifts, but little ones, and you GET TO PICK WHAT YOU GIVE OTHER PEOPLE and you pick your own budget.

Demanding gift cards (i.e. money) is tacky as shit.

Giving gifts at Christmas is supposed to be FUN, not a chore or something that bankrupts you. Jeez.

[Anonymous]

My dh and I were the first ones in his family to state that we would not be buying for the adults and we do not expect anything from anyone else. We buy for the kids and now others have followed our model.

Grown adults making gift lists?! And putting expensive items on it? If you want something, go out and get it.

[Anonymous]

I would rather have a list than send or receive something no one warns. What a waste of time and money. If you have budget limitation state that and they can adjust accordingly. You are seeing problems where none exist. Not everyone has to abide by the way your family does things.

[Anonymous]

I enjoy getting the lists. Everyone who i exchange with lives somewhere else. Honestly, I can't keep track of what 12 kids under 15 want each year or what sizes they are. The adults send out general ideas for what they want. It's always under $50 and usually plenty of under $15 gifts. I prefer that over buying something people hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family stopped making Christmas lists around the same time we discovered the truth about Santa. Dhs family still writes out lists of their present requests. There are no children present. It's just MIL, fil, SIL and DH. It might not be a problem except that their lists are quite extravagant and we are on a tight budget especially this year, with me bring pregnant with our first. DH thinks this is totally normal. I think if my family wrote out a list of what they were requesting for the holidays, they would be laughed out of the house. So is this normal or not?

Why are all IL's so seemingly inconsiderate and annoying? I would ask SIL's what their children want, and would never get a list, hint or suggestion. Then the nieces and nephews (old enough to know better) would whine "I already HAVE THIS!!!" Christmas morning. Good times.

In addition, there was never an implied spending limit, so the adults would ask us for really extravagant gifts, while we (when asked) would try to keep it simple, on purpose. Apparently, they think we are the Rockefellers. Does no one know basic etiquette and grace anymore? Yikes. Telling me "I don't need anything", refusing to give me so much as a hint, and asking for extravagant gifts all fall under "are you kidding me?" in my book. Help me out a little bit, at least.

[Anonymous]

Take advantage of having the kid and say you want to change it up next year. All that expense and shopping time--such a waste, imo. Only kids get presents in my family.

[Anonymous]

I don't really like gifts, but I know that people like to give and receive gifts. So I can only really tell DH that I don't want anything. Anyways, when we were engaged everyone bought off our registry for my Christmas presents. They raved about it and I realized I loved getting things I had chosen and wanted. After that Christmas we all started Amazon wishlists and it's been going on since. We only spend about $50 each and aren't greedy or anything. We don't even mention the list. Some years I find something great for the inlaws and don't use the list, other years I can't find anything and rely on the list.

Surely you all ask your dad what your mom wants or ask your MIL what your SIL wants? How is this that much different?

[Anonymous]

Yes. And I find the exchanging with grown ass adults bizarre. I wish H would end it. Instead, I'll take whatever ridiculous religious item they send me, thank them graciously, then donate it. And shake my head when they bitch if we deviate and/or don't fulfill their lists.