Christmas card wording to someone with cancer

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all. I wrote a heartfelt letter and your suggestions were much appreciated. I think the thing I didn't want to do was to not mention the cancer, especially when I really do think about their family often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the poster who said she didn't like "thoughts and prayers." PP nailed it... it's just a platitude. It's a saying that is no longer interesting or original. It's rather empty.

I think OP's original words was good. I think it's great that OP was looking for more input. I didn't intend to derail on "thoughts & prayers." Another poster is a cancer survivor and wasn't keen on overuse of courage/strength/bravery.

We have a close family friend who is terminal, may not make it to Christmas. They actually are religious, as are we. Our note read "You have all of our thoughts and prayers at this time. Much love, Larlo and Larla". In this case, not a platitude. OP, I'm sure whatever you wrote is lovely.

[Anonymous]

Dear X, I am so sorry this has been such an awful year for you. This time of year we should be getting silly at your holiday party, not scheduling more chemotherapy.
I wish you all the best for a happy, healthy new year, and look forward to making many wonderful new memories together. Love, Y

Almost, but not quite.

You don't say you are so sorry. Don't put the person dealing with cancer in the position of trying to make YOU feel better. Better to say "I know this has been an awful year for you." Acknowledge THEIR pain, don't make it about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the poster who said she didn't like "thoughts and prayers." PP nailed it... it's just a platitude. It's a saying that is no longer interesting or original. It's rather empty.

I think OP's original words was good. I think it's great that OP was looking for more input. I didn't intend to derail on "thoughts & prayers." Another poster is a cancer survivor and wasn't keen on overuse of courage/strength/bravery.

We have a close family friend who is terminal, may not make it to Christmas. They actually are religious, as are we. Our note read "You have all of our thoughts and prayers at this time. Much love, Larlo and Larla". In this case, not a platitude. OP, I'm sure whatever you wrote is lovely.

OP here. When it is terminal, I often find that memory cards go over best with the recipient. Where you share great memories you had with the person. My grandpa loved getting those when he was extremely ill. We'd read them to him and talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Sorry. These words are just so careful and sound like a sympathy note to me. And depressing.

Don't people with cancer have reasons to feel blessed too? Don't they also have reason for joy during their holidays? Have there been no bright spots in their year to be grateful for?

I just think if I got all of these heavy messages I would feel down. Maybe I just had a good laugh and here is this card with "this has been such an awful year for you..."

I think it depends on the person maybe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. These words are just so careful and sound like a sympathy note to me. And depressing.

Don't people with cancer have reasons to feel blessed too? Don't they also have reason for joy during their holidays? Have there been no bright spots in their year to be grateful for?

I just think if I got all of these heavy messages I would feel down. Maybe I just had a good laugh and here is this card with "this has been such an awful year for you..."

I think it depends on the person maybe?

haha I know what you mean. It was actually in the middle of my normal letter that I wrote that. I obviously started off with cheerful greeting and well wishes.

[Anonymous]

Add something like "I'm here for you anytime you need me."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Dear X, I am so sorry this has been such an awful year for you. This time of year we should be getting silly at your holiday party, not scheduling more chemotherapy.
I wish you all the best for a happy, healthy new year, and look forward to making many wonderful new memories together. Love, Y

Almost, but not quite.

You don't say you are so sorry. Don't put the person dealing with cancer in the position of trying to make YOU feel better. Better to say "I know this has been an awful year for you." Acknowledge THEIR pain, don't make it about you.

Meh. I'm the one who wrote that. Saying I'm sorry doesn't really make it about me. Anyway, this is a dear friend who I text daily and see 2-3 times a week. I am sad; she's sad; we cry about this together a lot. We laugh, too. That's why it's hard to come up with boilerplate that will cover all situations. Not every relationship or recipient is the same. (I'm not OP, BTW.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actual card I just wrote:

Dear X, I am so sorry this has been such an awful year for you. This time of year we should be getting silly at your holiday party, not scheduling more chemotherapy.
I wish you all the best for a happy, healthy new year, and look forward to making many wonderful new memories together. Love, Y

I love it.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I'm a cancer patient presently undergoing treatment with an unfortunate prognosis.

Honestly, I find all the responses here to be fine and I'd appreciate them all. One of the things that cancer has taught me is that there isn't much in life to get offended over. If you think of me and send me a card, I'm going to be cheered and less lonely and feel a part of the land of the living, rather than just a Cancer Patient. Whether you mention my illness or not, I'll be grateful for your thoughtfulness.

That said, I think it's a really good question you're asking, OP. You may not know where your friend is on her cancer....journey (for lack of a better word) and emotions can be raw. I think your heartfelt words are the best and hope your friend feels as warmed by your thoughts as I would be.

On a lighter note, I'm also Jewish and don't mind if you wish me a Merry Christmas, send me a Christmas card, make me Christmas cookies or invite me to your Christmas party (which I would attend and sit close to your tree because I *love* the smell of Christmas trees). It doesn't matter to me that it isn't my holiday. I love the idea that you'd invite me to celebrate yours.

[Anonymous]

Last Christmas I had just started chemo and I would have appreciated any of these messages except the one about how it might be my last Christmas, which I hope/assume was meant as snark. Ok to say sorry, thoughts and prayers, courage and strength. I mean, yes, when people told me I was handling things so well I wondered what alternative I had, but I appreciated them saying it nevertheless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I'm a cancer patient presently undergoing treatment with an unfortunate prognosis.

Honestly, I find all the responses here to be fine and I'd appreciate them all. One of the things that cancer has taught me is that there isn't much in life to get offended over. If you think of me and send me a card, I'm going to be cheered and less lonely and feel a part of the land of the living, rather than just a Cancer Patient. Whether you mention my illness or not, I'll be grateful for your thoughtfulness.

That said, I think it's a really good question you're asking, OP. You may not know where your friend is on her cancer....journey (for lack of a better word) and emotions can be raw. I think your heartfelt words are the best and hope your friend feels as warmed by your thoughts as I would be.

On a lighter note, I'm also Jewish and don't mind if you wish me a Merry Christmas, send me a Christmas card, make me Christmas cookies or invite me to your Christmas party (which I would attend and sit close to your tree because I *love* the smell of Christmas trees). It doesn't matter to me that it isn't my holiday. I love the idea that you'd invite me to celebrate yours.

I'm sorry, PP. I hope your prognosis gets better. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You sound like you have a good attitude and are enjoying life no matter what. Best wishes to you.