Parents are now scared of visiting and children are disappointed

[Anonymous]

Right, because a family with small children buying tickets to Europe at Christmas is going be a piece of cake...

Shit, it costs us a pretty penny just to get to fucking Texas with 4 people (and one is a baby).

That is dumb advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here.

Thanks for the support!

My father has always been VERY cautious all his life. He never borrowed money, never does anything that he isn't sure will be successful. He's not reacting in a traditional emotional sense, but definitely in a calculating-risks sort of way.

But he's wrong. I told him all hyper-protected major venues would probably be fine, and that terrorists would try to hit unguarded "soft targets" like in Paris (secondary concert halls, suburban transports, etc). And that therefore we can't change our lifestyle or habits, since there are a dozen soft targets we go to every week!

Hopefully I can change his mind.

With your father's personality, telling him he's wrong is not going to change his mind. He's entrenched in cautiousness and highly anxious.

You can't talk someone out of anxiety, even if you feel it is irrational.

Perhaps you could meet your parents at a resort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your parents are genuinely frightened, try to have some empathy.

No. they deserve mockery and disdain. For real.

[Anonymous]

make sure to ask them to send the presents anyway of course via airplane

[Anonymous]

because resorts aren't a possible target?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:because resorts aren't a possible target?

I think the idea is that OP's parents may be frightened because there is a specific ISIS video informing the world that Washington is the next target. Resorts, while they may be a target, are not the specific focus of anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:because resorts aren't a possible target?

I think the idea is that OP's parents may be frightened because there is a specific ISIS video informing the world that Washington is the next target. Resorts, while they may be a target, are not the specific focus of anxiety.

while I get this, it truly is delusional

[Anonymous]

Where do your parents live? If they are in the UK, Germany, or France, they might as well come here. Unless they live way out in the country.

At least our security is pretty good.

[Anonymous]

I honestly wouldn't try to change their minds. That just feeds the anxiety/I Want Attention spiral. My SIL is like this. She's really anxious about so many things. She finds a way to make every single drama that happens in the world about HER. So at the root of it is an endless need for attention.

I'd just say "I'm sorry to hear that, we'll miss you" and never bring it up again. If it's really an anxiety thing, there is no reasoning them out of it. That's a mental issue they need to address on their own. If it's a cry for attention, not giving them attention is the best thing you can do.

Then you go about making your Christmas awesome for your kids, even without the grandparents. Find local, loving friends who might love to join your family for some Christmas outings.

[Anonymous]

Come on, appeal to his blitz spirit. The British (and I'm pretty sure he is one from your details) love a bit of "life must go on" "mustn't grumble" etc.

I bet he's scared of traveling.

I dealt with this BS from American relatives in the 80s when we were dealing with frequent IRA bombs and much more frequent IRA bomb threats or unattended packages. I thought said American relatives were idiots. I mean, we had to live through that shit. Just tell him that they need to suck it up and come. Life goes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your parents are genuinely frightened, try to have some empathy.

This. They are entitled to their feelings even if you think they are unfounded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here.

Thanks for the support!

My father has always been VERY cautious all his life. He never borrowed money, never does anything that he isn't sure will be successful. He's not reacting in a traditional emotional sense, but definitely in a calculating-risks sort of way.

But he's wrong. I told him all hyper-protected major venues would probably be fine, and that terrorists would try to hit unguarded "soft targets" like in Paris (secondary concert halls, suburban transports, etc). And that therefore we can't change our lifestyle or habits, since there are a dozen soft targets we go to every week!

Hopefully I can change his mind.

Okay...so your father has always been a cautious man who has lived his life calculating risks, but you don't give a damn about his feelings/concerns because you don't have the same emotional make-up. Who exactly has the problem here? Empathy is not your strong suit, but self-absorption seems to be.

[Anonymous]

My uncle was supposed to come for New Years, but my mom doesn't want him to come anymore because of the threats. I was like, "Seriously"? We live in DC. We are always at risk of having a terrorist threat. If there was some reason to think that the threat was really credible and higher over New Years, well, then maybe that would be different. That being said, if someone really is scared to travel here, then I wouldn't force them. OP, maybe you can visit your family despite having small kids. It will be a pain, but maybe it will be worth it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right, because a family with small children buying tickets to Europe at Christmas is going be a piece of cake...

Shit, it costs us a pretty penny just to get to fucking Texas with 4 people (and one is a baby).

That is dumb advice.

That's your problem OP. If seeing them is so important pony up the cash and make it happen. Otherwise just accept that you're not going to see them. Everyone has anxiety or fear about something so it's no need to dismiss someone's fear because it's not your own.

[Anonymous]

2 people traveling presumably on tickets they bought months ago vs. 4+ (I don't remember how big OP said her family is) trying to get tickets a month out to Europe which could potentially be several thousand per ticket.

From a cost perspective, there is no contest.

While I get the idea behind "If you really want to see them...", but a lot of people just don't have that kind of money to "pony up"

In OP's case, it may come down to parents are too scared and they can't afford to go there. It would suck, but it might be reality.

But I don't know many with faraway family who haven't done the 2 people vs. 4 people analysis at some point.