If grandparents live a 2+ hour flight away, how often do they visit?

[Anonymous]

I think the problem is that they are pre-planning these visits and this timeframe when you have no idea what you may be doing or how the "every other month" thing will go.

I would try to be more open and flexible about it, as in "let's plan one trip at a time, Mom and Dad. I know you want to set up trip for January, March May and July but let's do January for now. I'm not sure what my schedule for March is and DH may have a trip then. DD's recital may be the part of April, plus the twins baptism is tentatively scheduled for around that time, so let me get back to you."

I think that ANY plan like "dinner every Sunday night" where there is a rigid type schedule that can't flex and accommodate, well, life, and all the changes is difficult and results in hurt feelings when it needs to change.
Btdt.
If they can fly Southwest were there aren't penalties for changes and find a hotel with good availability I would try to space them out around events and times you would all enjoy, versus setting up the expectation this early about the frequency of visits

[Anonymous]

Almost never but they then spend their time guilt tripping us for not flying or driving down.

[Anonymous]

My inlaws require visits (3-7 days, staying in our house) every other month. They would love to do it every single month, but I said no, and now it's a source of tension between us and them.

[Anonymous]

When my kids were babies, my parents, or at least my mom, visited about every 3-4 months and then I went to see them in CA for 2-3 weeks in the summer (I was a SAHM). Then they moved to live near my sister and started helping her out by babysitting regularly and they scaled back their visits to once a year, maybe twice if there was a particular event they wanted to be here for. I wish they could have kept up the more frequent visits.

My ILs lived 3 hrs away but never came to visit us, not even to see new babies. Claimed DC traffic is too bad. But then they were mad that we feel closer to my family.

[Anonymous]

Every other month or so. But they stay with us...and then complain that we didn't do enough to make them feel like guests (the bathrooms weren't clean enough, we didn't plan meals they like, we didn't do xyz.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents live in Seattle and we only see them once or twice a year. I'd love to see them every other month!

Similar here. They manage to get out to DC 3-4 times a year, and we travel to see them 1-2 times. They don't have unlimited money, and it's a long flight, so they stay with us and always stay at least a week, and I'd still love it if we could see them more often.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. Unless your parents are crazy, they are welcome at my house to help when either DH or I travel for work! (We fly in both MIL and my mom when we travel and they each live about a 2 hour flight. They even stay at our house.)

Of course if they expect to be served and entertained, I'd revise my answer. Otherwise, I think it would be great to have them be a big part of my kids' life. But with that much time and money, maybe they should just buy a second house or condo here.

[Anonymous]

Sounds amazing to me, OP. My parents don't come at all because they hate to fly and are in poor health.

[Anonymous]

Every other month. I'd be good with every three months.

[Anonymous]

They pay their own way and stay at a hotel and you're complaining about what exactly?

Especially if they have "unlimited money and time," I don't see the issue. My in-laws visit about 4-5 times a year, and I would be thrilled if they visited more but they do not have unlimited time and money. I never got to see my grandparents growing up (they were overseas and no one had money for international trips), and I'm glad my kids get to see their extended family often and have the relationships I never had.

[Anonymous]

They used to come once a year. Now they don't come at all because they hate my DH.

[Anonymous]

It's nice that they want to come visit so often. Do they do other things to keep busy when they visit? My parents haven't come to visit us in 10 years. They've driven past us, on trips up and down the coast, but they don't like the traffic here, they say, so they don't stop. Sad, eh.

[Anonymous]

My mom comes out 3xyear and we go out there once a year. I'd love it if she was free to come out more often - but my mom is super helpful and stays out of the way. Maybe yours isn't so helpful? Could you make her visitis more helpful, by maybe giving her special tasks - ie, take the girls to a tea party, or just do a craft with them while you get to do something else you normally get interrupted trying to do?

[Anonymous]

OP, it doesn't really matter what other people's parents do or how many PPs think you should be happy/grateful/etc. What matters is how you and DH feel and how these visits impact your marriage/family life. If the dynamics of these visits are such that every other month is too frequent, or a week at a time is too long, or both, then something needs to change. My oldest is 10.5 and I have been dealing with grandparents (both sides) who want both frequent and extended visits for a long time. I can tell you that as the kids get older and are more capable of phone calls and FaceTime, it gets better. It also gets better when the kids start to have more activities so the whole family is busier and can't focus on these visits as much. But for now - and for later - you're going to have to figure out what you can handle in a way that isn't destructive. When family visits are onerous and intrusive, whether that family is yours or DH's, it is a problem and can damage relationships that we really want to be positive and loving ones. But you are the only one who can figure out what would work best for your family at this time in your lives. Good luck. I know it is very hard.

[Anonymous]

My parents visit, or we visit them, once a month or every 6 weeks for about 4 days. We're very close--my mom was DS's caregiver when we still lived in the area--and we love the visits. Even DH! They stay at a hotel, and DS has sleepovers at least one night, so we can have grownup time. Dad is retired, and mom is a renaissance woman who works on her own schedule.

My ILs don't visit. Ever. FIL has visited a handful of times, but MIL hasn't been here since DS was born 5 years ago. There are health issues at play. We visit them as much as possible, usually 3 times a year or so, which is DH's decision. (I'd be fine seeing them more!) We stay in a hotel when we're there.