Anonymous wrote:Wow, I could have written half the posts here. My parents are suffering from RB- Retirement Boredom. Now that they are retired, are they taking on new hobbies, exercising, traveling the world, volunteering with an organization or joining a local civic association to make the world a better place in their final golden years? Doing things that can bring more joy into their lives or a new healthy outlook? No way! Those precious final years are spent mostly in front of the TV watching cable news while insisting they are too busy to do anything else. They too have always been very negative and fearful of everything. I could win the lotto and take everyone in the family to a 5 star resort in Hawaii and they'd have something negative to say. What is most amazing is that they are very comfortable in their retirement and really have nothing to complain about-- both are healthy, have great pensions, live where they want to live, have good friends nearby who they go out to dinner with on a regular basis... and they still have a lot of negative things to say. One would think they lived in Nazi-occupied Europe in fear of being shot with the way they talk about the world and all that's wrong with it.
Right there with you, OP. Don't know what else to offer in terms of advice other than to limit phone calls to a few minutes-- great idea from PP about calling/answering their calls when you are really busy. Having kids makes it harder because such grandparents usually want to visit as much as possible all while you're trying to limit contact for your own sanity and of course, you don't want to get into the whole denying-them-their-grandchildren scenario because it's not like they're bad people-- they're just MISERABLE TO BE AROUND and see absolutely nothing wrong with their behavior. I too can't tell them anything personal without it being turned into a weapon against me or being criticized. My mother practically foams at the mouth waiting for me to say something negative about my life and fishes for it every time we talk during one of her depositions which usually amount to a series of yes/no questions about my life/family/job/where we live.
I've learned it truly is best to stick to topics of conversation mostly reserved for neighbors you sort-of know, i.e. the weather, a new restaurant in town and large news events (avoid politics at all cost). And just accept this is how they are and that they are nothing like a fine wine- they will not get better with age.
OP here. Thank you for this. This is almost exactly my situation, except the kids actually have made it better, because they give us something other than my personal life to talk about! Oh, the fishing for personal details to turn into awful conversations ... My favorite!
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