Custody agreement - clauses regarding school attendance

[Anonymous]

I'd concede the "going on vacations" thing provided:

* He leaves a cushion of days off so she doesn't get at risk for missing too many days. In the 1980s, "watching the ACC tournament with my dad" and "going to Charles Town Races for Wednesday afternoon racing" were winked-at excuses for missing school.
* He notifies you and either makes arrangements to make up homework (at the least, this gives you a chance to make said arrangements.)
* He doesn't put something at risk (e.g. a spot in a charter) for missing too many days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd concede the "going on vacations" thing provided:

* He leaves a cushion of days off so she doesn't get at risk for missing too many days. In the 1980s, "watching the ACC tournament with my dad" and "going to Charles Town Races for Wednesday afternoon racing" were winked-at excuses for missing school.
* He notifies you and either makes arrangements to make up homework (at the least, this gives you a chance to make said arrangements.)
* He doesn't put something at risk (e.g. a spot in a charter) for missing too many days.

Meant to add "Not so much anymore" at the end of my first point. I'm still not sure how I managed to survive.

[Anonymous]

I'm the odd one out. No way to vacation in lieu of school. And a judge WILL back you up, and may take away visitation if it continues. There is case law of parents (out of state) having to give up summer visitation bc the child was required to be in summer school. School is important, even when it's elementary school.

Also, finding out from your child's school that the child is not in attendance?? NOT ok. Document, document, document. (I'm a single parent in DC, had 2 custody battles in NYC, one was when I needed to move to DC)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the odd one out. No way to vacation in lieu of school. And a judge WILL back you up, and may take away visitation if it continues. There is case law of parents (out of state) having to give up summer visitation bc the child was required to be in summer school. School is important, even when it's elementary school.

Also, finding out from your child's school that the child is not in attendance?? NOT ok. Document, document, document. (I'm a single parent in DC, had 2 custody battles in NYC, one was when I needed to move to DC)

A judge is not going to take away visitation for a couple of missed school days a semester, especially if it doesn't impact grades.

The situation OP describes is far different from the summer school case you describe above. Presumably a kid is only in summer school because they are not doing well in school already.

In fact, if that's your only beef -- 2-3 days of missed school a semester in ES, a judge is going to be pretty irritated to see you before him wasting the court's valuable time asking for a custody change for solely that reason. The judge is also not going to care if your only beef is that the school is calling you about missed time, rather than the other parent contacting you. Yes, your ex is an ass for not telling you this directly, but, unfortunately, the court sees a lot of parents who are asses, but their behavior doesn't rise to the level of justifying a parenting change.

Now, it's different if pulling the kid out of school resulted in losing the student's seat or a serious academic deficiency, for that you may want to go back to court. That is why you have to document as it's happening -- to be prepared for that eventuality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the odd one out. No way to vacation in lieu of school. And a judge WILL back you up, and may take away visitation if it continues. There is case law of parents (out of state) having to give up summer visitation bc the child was required to be in summer school. School is important, even when it's elementary school.

Also, finding out from your child's school that the child is not in attendance?? NOT ok. Document, document, document. (I'm a single parent in DC, had 2 custody battles in NYC, one was when I needed to move to DC)

A judge is not going to take away visitation for a couple of missed school days a semester, especially if it doesn't impact grades.

The situation OP describes is far different from the summer school case you describe above. Presumably a kid is only in summer school because they are not doing well in school already.

In fact, if that's your only beef -- 2-3 days of missed school a semester in ES, a judge is going to be pretty irritated to see you before him wasting the court's valuable time asking for a custody change for solely that reason. The judge is also not going to care if your only beef is that the school is calling you about missed time, rather than the other parent contacting you. Yes, your ex is an ass for not telling you this directly, but, unfortunately, the court sees a lot of parents who are asses, but their behavior doesn't rise to the level of justifying a parenting change.

Now, it's different if pulling the kid out of school resulted in losing the student's seat or a serious academic deficiency, for that you may want to go back to court. That is why you have to document as it's happening -- to be prepared for that eventuality.

I'm the OP. Taking a vacation in lieu of going to school is not okay with me either. I think it's important for her to go to school and him pulling her out of school to go do "family enrichment" things makes it harder for me to reinforce the message that school is important and she must attend when she just doesn't want to go. I'm fine with having mental health days, or special trips, but those things have to come with notification as well and cannot happen every month.

I'm certainly not going to take him to court over a weekend vacation, but it's a larger pattern of behavior that makes me think that he just doesn't feel like he needs to comply with any part of our custody agreement. There are a lot of other issues. I just didn't list them here because they're not areas where there is any room for debate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the odd one out. No way to vacation in lieu of school. And a judge WILL back you up, and may take away visitation if it continues. There is case law of parents (out of state) having to give up summer visitation bc the child was required to be in summer school. School is important, even when it's elementary school.

Also, finding out from your child's school that the child is not in attendance?? NOT ok. Document, document, document. (I'm a single parent in DC, had 2 custody battles in NYC, one was when I needed to move to DC)

A judge is not going to take away visitation for a couple of missed school days a semester, especially if it doesn't impact grades.

The situation OP describes is far different from the summer school case you describe above. Presumably a kid is only in summer school because they are not doing well in school already.

In fact, if that's your only beef -- 2-3 days of missed school a semester in ES, a judge is going to be pretty irritated to see you before him wasting the court's valuable time asking for a custody change for solely that reason. The judge is also not going to care if your only beef is that the school is calling you about missed time, rather than the other parent contacting you. Yes, your ex is an ass for not telling you this directly, but, unfortunately, the court sees a lot of parents who are asses, but their behavior doesn't rise to the level of justifying a parenting change.

Now, it's different if pulling the kid out of school resulted in losing the student's seat or a serious academic deficiency, for that you may want to go back to court. That is why you have to document as it's happening -- to be prepared for that eventuality.

They may not the first time it happens, but if a parent makes a habit of allowing a child to miss school, or taking family vacations during the school year, custody can absolutely change from 50/50 to every other weekend. School is more important than visitation (says child custody law).

Also, the OP is talking about the other parent taking the child to Mexico in October. OP - do not give your permission. It will be required for them to enter Mexico. When traveling internationally, TSA agents or Customs agents should ask your child, "Who are you traveling with?" - Teach your child to say "My Stepmom and my dad" (putting stepmom first will alert the TSA and/or customs to check for permission which is required).

OP - does your kid have a passport? Make sure its in your possession if they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the odd one out. No way to vacation in lieu of school. And a judge WILL back you up, and may take away visitation if it continues. There is case law of parents (out of state) having to give up summer visitation bc the child was required to be in summer school. School is important, even when it's elementary school.

Also, finding out from your child's school that the child is not in attendance?? NOT ok. Document, document, document. (I'm a single parent in DC, had 2 custody battles in NYC, one was when I needed to move to DC)

A judge is not going to take away visitation for a couple of missed school days a semester, especially if it doesn't impact grades.

The situation OP describes is far different from the summer school case you describe above. Presumably a kid is only in summer school because they are not doing well in school already.

In fact, if that's your only beef -- 2-3 days of missed school a semester in ES, a judge is going to be pretty irritated to see you before him wasting the court's valuable time asking for a custody change for solely that reason. The judge is also not going to care if your only beef is that the school is calling you about missed time, rather than the other parent contacting you. Yes, your ex is an ass for not telling you this directly, but, unfortunately, the court sees a lot of parents who are asses, but their behavior doesn't rise to the level of justifying a parenting change.

Now, it's different if pulling the kid out of school resulted in losing the student's seat or a serious academic deficiency, for that you may want to go back to court. That is why you have to document as it's happening -- to be prepared for that eventuality.

+1

I can't give too many details without outing the family, but a former student of mine had to miss an extra week of school each semester for court ordered visitation with her father who was abroad. The judge felt that briefly extending winter and spring break family time outweighed school attendance. The mom wrote the teachers all sorts of horrid emails, but life went on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the odd one out. No way to vacation in lieu of school. And a judge WILL back you up, and may take away visitation if it continues. There is case law of parents (out of state) having to give up summer visitation bc the child was required to be in summer school. School is important, even when it's elementary school.

Also, finding out from your child's school that the child is not in attendance?? NOT ok. Document, document, document. (I'm a single parent in DC, had 2 custody battles in NYC, one was when I needed to move to DC)

A judge is not going to take away visitation for a couple of missed school days a semester, especially if it doesn't impact grades.

The situation OP describes is far different from the summer school case you describe above. Presumably a kid is only in summer school because they are not doing well in school already.

In fact, if that's your only beef -- 2-3 days of missed school a semester in ES, a judge is going to be pretty irritated to see you before him wasting the court's valuable time asking for a custody change for solely that reason. The judge is also not going to care if your only beef is that the school is calling you about missed time, rather than the other parent contacting you. Yes, your ex is an ass for not telling you this directly, but, unfortunately, the court sees a lot of parents who are asses, but their behavior doesn't rise to the level of justifying a parenting change.

Now, it's different if pulling the kid out of school resulted in losing the student's seat or a serious academic deficiency, for that you may want to go back to court. That is why you have to document as it's happening -- to be prepared for that eventuality.

+1

I can't give too many details without outing the family, but a former student of mine had to miss an extra week of school each semester for court ordered visitation with her father who was abroad. The judge felt that briefly extending winter and spring break family time outweighed school attendance. The mom wrote the teachers all sorts of horrid emails, but life went on.

That's completely different from a LOCAL parent who is deciding that his child needs to go on a family vacation during the school year when he has the kid 50% of the time. Promise. This is not an analogous situation AT ALL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the odd one out. No way to vacation in lieu of school. And a judge WILL back you up, and may take away visitation if it continues. There is case law of parents (out of state) having to give up summer visitation bc the child was required to be in summer school. School is important, even when it's elementary school.

Also, finding out from your child's school that the child is not in attendance?? NOT ok. Document, document, document. (I'm a single parent in DC, had 2 custody battles in NYC, one was when I needed to move to DC)

A judge is not going to take away visitation for a couple of missed school days a semester, especially if it doesn't impact grades.

The situation OP describes is far different from the summer school case you describe above. Presumably a kid is only in summer school because they are not doing well in school already.

In fact, if that's your only beef -- 2-3 days of missed school a semester in ES, a judge is going to be pretty irritated to see you before him wasting the court's valuable time asking for a custody change for solely that reason. The judge is also not going to care if your only beef is that the school is calling you about missed time, rather than the other parent contacting you. Yes, your ex is an ass for not telling you this directly, but, unfortunately, the court sees a lot of parents who are asses, but their behavior doesn't rise to the level of justifying a parenting change.

Now, it's different if pulling the kid out of school resulted in losing the student's seat or a serious academic deficiency, for that you may want to go back to court. That is why you have to document as it's happening -- to be prepared for that eventuality.

They may not the first time it happens, but if a parent makes a habit of allowing a child to miss school, or taking family vacations during the school year, custody can absolutely change from 50/50 to every other weekend. School is more important than visitation (says child custody law).

Also, the OP is talking about the other parent taking the child to Mexico in October. OP - do not give your permission. It will be required for them to enter Mexico. When traveling internationally, TSA agents or Customs agents should ask your child, "Who are you traveling with?" - Teach your child to say "My Stepmom and my dad" (putting stepmom first will alert the TSA and/or customs to check for permission which is required).

OP - does your kid have a passport? Make sure its in your possession if they do.

OP here. She has a passport. I have the passport. I told him that I would not consent for him to take her out of the country during school time. He isn't thrilled about it, but is planning to go during Thanksgiving instead, which I consented to. We have a notarized letter specific to that trip. Thank you for the tip about mentioning a stepparent. That said, she has her dad's last name, not mine, and while I've traveled internationally with her several times (without him), no one has ever asked me for the letter or questioned whether I should be taking her abroad, so I don't think this is something that is regularly enforced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 50/50 custody (physical and legal). DD is in elementary school now, and her dad has been taking her out of school for various not-officially-excusable reasons.

We are already re-writing our custody agreement because many things have changed since it was originally written. Do any of you have clauses related to missing school, notification, permission, etc.? Example would be if one parent wanted to take the child out of town on vacation during a time that is that parent's scheduled custody time but is also during the school week. Is that parent required to notify the other parent? Is there anything that can be done to prevent school absences for reasons other than illness and emergency?

more than 10 unexcused absences should result in a CPS being called. If your child is missing school for vacations, the school likely won't excuse it and you can expect that if 10 are passed, CPS will be called and you will be in a better place to get what you want custody wise from your ex (as long as you haven't contributed to the unexcused absences). But, yes, you should be able to prevent his removing the child for non-approved activities.