Must I hang out with this woman?

[Anonymous]

Is his ex wife involved (with their kids)? Is she a good parent? She should be made aware so that your brother is not able to care for them unsupervised.

Also - if your brother is behaving as badly as you describe and ruining his career in the process, then he is seriously troubled as well - it's not just his GF. She may be a bad influence or trigger, but they are BOTH "crazy".

[Anonymous]

OP, we are only hearing your side of the story. For all you know, you have a self serving motive. It would serve you better to spend time with these people, get to know them, and actually try to help them. Family is family, you should be acting accordingly.

You don't have to "love" the girlfriend, or even like her, or even want her around, but you should be making an effort with your brother and his children, for God's sake. Be a human being about this.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth would you give either GF or your brother the time of day? I assure you she did not change your brother so much as he just found his soul mate. Do do not engage with them it can only lead to trouble.

[Anonymous]

I agree that if you're rude or even standoffish with the GF you're likely to get cut off because she seems like a trouble-maker and will make you out to be the bad guy and he'll rush to her defense.

I also agree that you should grin and bear it for the sake of his kids.

Limit interactions as much as possible, but not in an obvious or rude manner.

[Anonymous]

I'm happy to see him

I wish you had a healthier family

[Anonymous]

OP here. I've been pondering these responses for a few days. Of course there's tons more backstory here, years' worth, that I don't really want to post in case people recognize the situation. And that might change your responses. Or might not.

I will say that the kids do have a mom, who is currently filing for full physical custody. Right now they have 50/50. She lets my family (including the grandparents) see the kids any time we want to. We've actually been able to develop better relationships with the kids because of her.

The last blow-up a few weeks ago involved domestic violence (g/f, not in front of the kids) and a criminal summons, and I just feel like a complete hypocrite if I have to sit and chat with her like everything is just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Brother is dating a crazy woman. Abusive, alcohol problems, eating disorder, with a diagnosed personality disorder. She's horrible to his kids. needless to say my brother is NOT acting his best either. Drinking and driving, neglecting the kids, and wrecking his career. They broke up, she trashed his house and dumped his crap on his front lawn. Keyed his car. But they are back together again and brother wants us all together for an upcoming family event. I can be fake polite to her, but I feel getting together with her is just condoning/enabling this extremely toxic relationship. I'm happy to see him and his kids. Just not her. What would you do?

Refuse and tell him why. It is an unhealthy environment and you don't want to be around it.

[Anonymous]

As a biological mom/ex-wife, I urge you to step in for the kids' sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a biological mom/ex-wife, I urge you to step in for the kids' sake.

I have been doing all I can legally do.